u/Expensive-Listen3822

Hi, I'm a 5'5"/1.65m chubby black girl with short curly hair. I recently chopped it all off, but that's besides the point.

I'm a Sagittarius, I'm femme leaning, but I don't wear make up and I don't always accessorize. Idk it's a vibe you'll know when you see it. I'll send a collage of my interests and hobbies if someone dms me.

I also want to say that I'm definitely a lesbian, but I'm also demisexual. I get freaked out by rushed advances by people I don't know well. If you're someone that rather rushes into physical stuff, I'm not your girl.

I have 3 small tattoos on my arm and one nose piercing. I also have 3 earring holes. 2 on my left, 1 on my right. I wear glasses and tbh most of my clothes are black, but I love all colors. My favorite color is baby pink.

I'd love to meet people I could hang out with and perhaps maybe are a bit more extroverted than I am. I don't mind being adopted into friend groups either as long as everyone is respectful of boundaries.

I'm okay with exchanging selfies and calling. I actually love phone calls for whatever reason.

I hugged someone yesterday and felt sparks and butterflies??? That's a thing?

It kinda sounds like fudge. I learn something new everyday lol.

I'm so damn sick of this whole "women are angels who can do no wrong" thing. Wake tf up. Anyway, I was venting on a venting app about feeling dirty and not wanting to make friends anymore and she commented that I shouldn't give up on making friends and I said that my energy runs out after getting sexually harassed so often and she went on some dumb tangent about men and I said it wasn't a man and she just said oh. No "I'm sorry that happened to you" or anything. Just oh. Like okay cool good to know my pain means nothing if it's not an opportunity to bash on dudes.

I hate having pcos. I hate how upkeep is an uphill battle and I have to constantly tinker with what works and what doesn't due to my hormones changing. I don't particularly identify as super fem or super masc, but it does hurt me when it comes to womanhood. It feels like my body is against me and it's probably kind of shitty to say that as a cis woman and I apologize to trans women who might be offended by me feeling this way. It's just the whole distortion of my bodyshape, the constant random break outs and uneven body/facial hair growth, the weight gain, the puffiness, the hairloss (which I don't struggle with in a noticeable way that would lead to baldness, but I do experience it). It just fucking sucks and it makes me feel hideous and like my body hates me. I'm thinking of getting my doctor to prescribe me weight loss meds to see if that will even it out and to also get me like some kind of coach to track hormonal levels or something so I don't have to do it all alone. I'm just tired. Especially the facial hair part. So far, the only thing that works is tweezing. I'm considering trying lasering again but just on my face. Idc about the other parts. Especially the chin hair makes me feel so bad about myself.

Like I'm not ashamed of what I did, but there's no other way to explain it. Like a naughty secret? It's a delightful kind of shame. Especially knowing only she has those pictures. I just opened my gallery to send a normal pic and immediately felt butterflies again. Why am I such a mess? Either way, I think I'm fine with it as long as I don't regret it or feel bad about myself and it was definitely consensual on both sides, so it's fine. It's just so yum. Idk.

Okay, so I'm gay and I've been working on myself. I'm probably not at regular people level yet due to circumstances. I want to know at what point I can actually consider myself girlfriend material. I know this question seems shallow, but I feel like most lesbians I meet have pretty high standards and don't want to deal with someone that doesn't have their business together.

So I'm a formerly comphet lesbian. Currently out and stuff. My family kind of tolerates my sexuality in a "yeah, yeah" way, but I'm grateful it's not in an abandonment or hate crime way, so yeah. Anyway, my mom just said I can't know if I'm gay, because I'm young and then my sister put it in perspective how she knows she's straight and would never want to be with a woman and my mom agreed to that. I explained the level of disgust and unease I always felt and that I only did it because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. We grew up in a very repressed household and my mom didn't teach me many things in general. She's just like figure it out and if you're bad at it I'll yell at you until you're not. She's been less bad and when I came out she was like "do whatever makes you happy", but she just doesn't know or understand me at all. I'd love to move out, but the housing crisis is crazy rn and I'm too scared (due to trauma) to randomly move in with a roommate. It makes me uncomfortable that they could just bring anyone into our place or something and if I'm gonna lock myself into a room, I might as well wait. But yeah, it wasn't just my mom. I've been getting these unfounded accusations and doubts, including from my long distance ex gf(?). I'm just so tired of the invalidation. I'm working on moving away from it all, but it's beyond my control for now (aside from blocking people I don't live with). I mostly need advice on how to hang in there besides standing my ground. It just feels like everyone gets a pass to say whatever to me, but I'm a total bitch for defending myself unless I roll over, pant, and whine like a damn dog. I'm sorry if anger freaks you guys out, but I'm just sick of taking it.