u/Expert_Leek_2448

It seems that many people commenting on posts giving "advice" don't realize the gravity of what they are doing. Advice and passing a judgement are completely different things. Many people on here are straight up passing judgements on every OPs spouse and how awful and evil they are.

Just this week, I have seen a commenter use words like "nasty, vile" being used for people they don't even know and are not even present. Who told you that this person is vile over the one action described in a biased post? That is a whole muslim with honor of their own.

We have to realize people post here during conflict most of the time from high conflict relationships, which is almost never a one sided ordeal. Unless there is mention of major haram like zina, physical abuse, gambling, alcholism - why are we passing verdicts on people and turning spouses against each other? Advice involves giving the next steps to OP that may help their situation. Not telling them how much of a loser they are for staying because "hey I would never allow myself to take xyz."

One of my friends got divorced because of this subreddit and it was a whole thing in her family. Her husband posted on here. "Wife is disrespectful, crazy, kicked me out" and he got verdicts. Judgements. NOT ADIVCE. "She needs psychiatric help, send her back to her parents (haram btw), how disrespectful I would serve divorce papers the next day." Just one-sided verdicts filling his ears. He divorced her. Afterwards she revealed that he was cheating on her the entire relationship and she didnt want to reveal it because she was hoping things would get better. That her anger would subside, that she will love him again, and she didnt want to reveal her husbands flaws and then regret it. I know she should've divorced him any way but she was SHAMED in the process. Publicly. While she kept secrets. And this subreddit gave him the audacity to do that to her. Last I heard, he wants her back. And she said she could've forgiven the cheating but not the character assassination during divorce.

Another heartbreaking thing I noticed is people choosing to reveal that they are divorced through their flairs but then being shamed for being divorced if they say something people disagree with. There was a sister on here that deleted her account recently, I would dm her sometimes. She had made many posts for months about being cheated on and financially abused. And EVERYONE told her to leave her husband. Eventually she did. The other day a couple men replied to her "well not surprised you're divorced" because they didnt agree with her on something. SubhanAllah. Her account is no longer there because I know that is not the first time men shame her for being divorced without knowing in what circumstances she had to ask for khula. And honestly I would dare them to say it to her face or her father's face. They wouldn't. Apparently Islamic rules don't apply to you when it's the internet?

This is a MUSLIM community. An islamic space and islamic rules need to be upheld here by ALL members. I urge the space to use their words wisely. To stop giving emotional verdicts. And to give advice rather than pass judgements on characters. These are real marriages. REAL muslims.

Everyone here is accountable for their words.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

“When two disputing parties come to you, then do not pass a judgement against one party until you hear the other person’s case. [After hearing out both parties] A ruling will then become clear.”

(Musnad Ahmad, vol. 1, pg. 149. Also see: Sahih Ibn Hibban; Al Ihsan, Hadith: 5065)

Edit- I am not anti-divorce, I am pro-respectful language and basic respect in online conversations. Because truth is you will never have the full picture in these posts. The least we can do it not get emotional over half information. If you know that people lie on here, why are you getting emotional? Give logical advice and thoughts without insults and rage.

My 22F family is not respecting any of my values around my choice to wear niqab on the marriage search. They are looking for potentials, which I am ok with, but I want to do things in the right steps. I also want to be open that I am going to wear the niqab in my marriage and any man reaching out should know this so he can accept or reject me accordingly. And I can only establish this if the potentials know from the get go that I dont share pictures publicly. I will gladly show my face to serious candidates that I reach out to or they reach out to me and any female family members they may have.

My mom doesnt respect this whatsoever. She takes my pictures from female only hang outs with my friends and shares them publicly on matrimonial groups. I even caught her sharing my photos to random men on facebook in dms.

I feel so violated by this. Unfortunately they have become even more rigid against niqab when my ex fiancé screwed me over. He said he wanted a niqabi wife, sang so many praises about modesty and what not, we established our compatibility and were happy with each other, he was also ok with me deciding to take it off at any point if I struggle to keep it up, and then my brother found him in a haram act with some woman in public. He searched further and yeah he had girlfriends and what not and even his socials showed it. I confronted him and he said he'll change after nikkah but of course I wasn't going to continue with him.

I am at a point that I am thinking of wearing niqab part time now because my mother constantly insults me. She calls me all sorts of words like "ninja, tent, bag, fake niqabi, ugly, grandma, uneducated, backwards, extremist" all sorts of things.

I don't know how I am supposed to find a man who accepts me this way. Imagine a man likes my photos, talks to me, only to find out I want to cover my face full time. That is deceptive. Because the photos my mothers shares are of me being beautified, with makeup and nice clothing. Of course people are not going to assume that this is a private picture and in public I am fully covered. One time a potential my father showed me asked me if I wanted to wear the hijab and I said, I already wear the niqab. And he said "no you dont I have seen your pictures you werent covered." Whats weird is that my mother wears hijab herself and wears niqab part time but she doesnt respect me when I want to wear it.

When I got engaged I thought this mess would finally stop but when the engagement ended it has become worse.

How do I go about this. Please dont suggest, talk to your mom - it has been a year, she DOES NOT listen. She has narc traits. When I am pleading her to stop she just stares at my face and starts scrolling on her phone, turning the volume up on the tv or just walks away and the next day she will be sharing my pictures again.

I would appreciate any advice.