u/Fabulous-Sail5954

Please see previous relationship history in post titled “AITAH for using & secretly planning to leave my cheating “boyfriend” & move to another state?” And probably two or three posts before that as well.

Long story short tho: 1.5 year relationship, 27F dating 34m serial cheater on social media & physically with kids mom, and compulsive liar, possible narcissist. I’m back living with him due to unemployment and to avoid being homeless. AITA for using him in the meantime & planning my escape route to another state after trying so hard to keep the relationship alive? WIBTA if I don’t tell him anything about where I’m going or what my plans are?

My “bf’s” baby mama texted him this morning referencing them having sex again within the last few weeks and then started whining about him not answering her calls or texts while he’s with me. He says he’s told her I’m not comfortable with them communicating, claims he hasn’t seen her other than to get the kids, & hasn’t been responding to her messages (seen that he’s replied then deleted the texts).

I already have my foot mostly out the door, more solidified plans to leave. Should I even bother reaching out to get clarity on their lies or just focus on my escape plan? I was set on ignoring her until today, but I feel like I wanna give her the reaction she’s trying to get from me.

I have an opportunity to leave my abuser while he’s out of town on a work trip but I don’t currently have a source of income. I could do DoorDash delivery in the meantime but I’m not sure how realistic it is to save decent money from that to move states. I’d move locally, but I tried that already in December and came right back.

I’m going to a job fair shortly but I’d hate to get a job here just to leave in the middle of July (was planning to use the excuse of having to take care of family back home to quit)

I’m 27, don’t have any kids just two cats and a car. I’m not tied to our housing, I’m not on any lease or mortgage paperwork. My partner is 34. We’ve been fighting a lot since October last year after I’ve discovered him cheating in every way possible, but since a few weeks ago we’ve been trying to act like a normal couple, I’ve been acting like I’m not planning my escape. How do I act after he leaves for the work trip? Do I act normal until the day I leave and then block him?

Has anyone ever left their abuser while they’re out of town? How did you act in the meantime and how did you handle the rollercoaster of emotions that come with fleeing?

*sorry if this is all over the place, I honestly just realized in the past few weeks the gravity of the situation and I don’t know what to do mentally. I’ve spent over a year not realizing I’m in another dv relationship. & the last time I left an abusive partner, I had to leave the state the get/stay away

I (27F) found out between December and March that my “boyfriend” (34m) of 1.5 yrs has not only still been on dating apps throughout our whole relationship but also having sex with his kids mom since we met. I was living with him from April to December when I found out. Everything I discovered was by going through his phone and reading messages; he was never gonna tell me any of this or stop. He had no real reasons or excuses, and apologies have been mostly monetary.

There’s been a bunch of other problems outside of that but we agreed we’d try to work on the relationship. One of my stipulations was speaking with the mom & make sure we’re all on the same page about how they interact moving forward. She refuses to speak to me, says she doesn’t owe me anything despite previously asking me to take a parenting role in the house as the relationship got more serious. He has triangulated & made her hate me even though he’s the piece of shit.

Unfortunately, I moved back in last week due to losing my job and apartment. (Can’t stay with family, most of them live out of state) I know he still hasn’t stopped using tinder after promising he would & is deleting texts, still sneaking off to see the BM. I don’t trust him at all. In my face, he’s playing the perfect role, telling me he loves me all the time, having future conversations and making plans for down the line but I can’t stop seeing the messages in my head. I can’t look at him without seeing the deception. I feel grossed out when he touches me.

I may have an option to relocate back to NYC (currently down south) in the next few months, but I want to plan for it without telling him anything up until a day or two before, and even then not giving details about where exactly I’m going just that I’m leaving and breaking up with him. I feel guilty about making these plans with a friend behind his back despite what he’s done. Until then, I’m planning to act like I’m happy, use him financially, and get ready to go while he’s on a work trip June-mid July. Smack him with the whiplash of a breakup when he gets back home. AITA?

TLDR: 1.5 year relationship, 27F dating 34m serial cheater and liar, possible narcissist. I’m back living with him due to unemployment and to avoid being homeless. AITA for using him in the meantime & planning my escape route to another state after trying so hard to keep the relationship alive? WIBTA if I don’t tell him anything about where I’m going or what my plans are?