How do I (27F) help my friend (26F) see her boyfriend (26M) is kinda cheating on her ?
Hi everyone, this story is not about me it’s happening to a friend and I’m struggling with what happened and how she is reacting. it’s gonna be a long one I’m sorry.
So it’s started a few months ago, while they were both watching TV the boyfriend received a text, let’s call him Jake, and he hid his phone from my friend, let’s call her Anna. Anna and Jake have been together for 2 years now.
Jake doesn’t usually do that, at first she ignored it but after like 10 mins I think she realized and asked who the text was from. Jake said « oh, it’s Noah, a colleague of mine it’s nothing ». Now, Anna knows that colleague, he’s also more of a friend of Jake so she knows him personally, she’s seen him. Tho she’s not personably friends with him so she doesn’t have his number or anything.
Anna kept feeling like something was up so she asked if Jake could give her Noah’s number so she could enter it on WhatsApp and see who was on the picture.
Jake immediately said no, so Anna asked if he was sure the text was from Noah. Jake said yes. Anna asked a third time, Jake said yes.
Anna snapped, took the phone and saw a text that said « after yesterday I can’t even seat to pee… because of you ». and the contact name ? Noah…
Jake admitted it was from a colleague of his who IS a woman and he called her that as a contact because he « didn´t wanna cause any trouble » WTF ?
now for context, apparently Jake has been in a pretty bad mental state lately. Anna told me he was having depression and was working 60 hours a week. Not only did he come home later but also did extras on the week end, which didn’t happen « before ». For a few months now, Anna told me Jake didn’t touch her anymore, not just talking about sex, no hugs, no snuggles, barely kisses…
Jake met Anna when they were 12 and they have always been on talking terms but not really friends after they were like 14. But she discovered that in that time, so between 14 and 24 (when they got together) he kept telling her « just say the word and I’ll drop everything for you ». Anna had boyfriends so she did not reply to anything. but, a few days ago, Jake asked her if she could erase some of his old texts because it took too much space on his phone. She found out that when he told her « I’ll drop everything for you » he also has multiple girlfriends within those years (fair he wasn’t gonna be alone, and one girlfriend at a time) but to a lot of them he said « you are the woman of my life, I wanna spend my life with you ».
So, we know he has lied to his girlfriends before, promising the moon while asking Anna to « just say a word and I’ll drop everything ».
So we know he’s a liar.
‘He entered the colleague as « Noah » and lied THREE times when Anna asked who it was from before telling the truth.
The text was clearly sexual right? innuendo but like… no unuendo…
The final story is that he said « she had been bothering him while he was working, so he gave him a « slap » with a ruler (here the versions differ, Anna told a mutual the slap was on the colleague’s ass and she told me it was on the thigh).
Either way, am I being paranoid or is my friend being afraid and cheated on and like, choosing to look away ? I understand not wanting to believe your partner could do that. But it’s been bothering me so much...
So, is he cheating on her ?