(NEED advice 17F and 17M) Boyfriends past relationship has me insecure
So I know this may be a ridiculous post or I’m being over dramatic but I can’t get rid of this feeling. I’m 17(FM) and he’s as well 17, we’ve been together since last December about 6 months and everything was going good.
But a few weeks ago I got hit with like a wave of jealously I don’t know how to describe it. It’s about his ex which he doesnt know whether to call it that or a situationship, but anyway my point is that I’ve known about this ex since before we starting dating at 16.
And I never had an issue with it like he told me the only stuff they’ve done was kiss but like she’s also seen his privates which I didn’t find out about later. Keep in mind I am also a bit religious and I have certain beliefs that like kinda make me uncomfortable with that situation.
Not only that like I decided to save my first kiss for the person I would date to marry and he obviously didn’t which started this whole thing. He saw my notes that said “I regret having my first kiss, not the fact it was with him the fact I didn’ get it over with before because if i knew people didn’t value that I could’ve saved myself the heartbreak from being just the one that came after his.”
So that’s where we argued and I understand why but the only reason I said it is because how bad this is hurting me like I’ve been having depressed thoughts again thinking about how much he wanted her to be the one and everything it makes me so sick at the thought he was attracted to her and had feelings like that.
But as well as like they were talking for 3 years on and off but never had a label and like I checked his reposts and he had so much stuff about how he was deeply in love with her and that he always looked at her body and just a lot of stuff about that shes the one and makes him happy.
He never told me any of this until I found out myself and I was hurt cause he told me that he never loved her and it wasn’t a real relationship but his actions say otherwise. And also when we first starting talking he would brag about how he felt such intense butterflies when he kissed her like the hell why do I need to know that 💀
So to me it sounds like he had lingering feelings for her but he says she’s like dead to him and I’m not sure if I believe that. Not only that he still had her pictures on snap that he never deleted until he decided to just delete the app but how do I know he’s not redownloading it?
I love him more than anything and he always tries to reassure me during this, i have a lot of trust in him for everything, I know he wouldn’t cheat on me but that maybe his story isn’t accurate cause his actions are just moving kinda weird.
Also when we first started talking he was still talking to a girl on snap that he claims was just a friend and they had like a 3 year snap streak. He says he only sent her pics of his wall but idk how that works I’ve never had snap before. Also he said he really liked me since he first met me which is odd cause if he did wouldn’t he stop talking to that girl and only focus on me?
That shows lack of respect to me. Idk those situations just confuse me a lot. maybe im the crazy one and don’t know how to fix this feeling but I would really appreciate some advice on how to get over his ex and focus on us.
It’s just so hard for me this is also my first relationship maybe that’s why I’m feeling so deeply🤷♀️ but yea I just get so sick thinking about it that his lips touched another girl so like what am i? I know it was before me and he cant change it but sometimes I wish I had someone who had the same values I did. Please help I want us to work out🙏