u/Far_Violinist7788

I actually had a chance with my LO.

When I first met him, I immediately liked him but I didn't know how he felt about me. Because of his mixed signals and how he led me on, I developed limerence.

However, somehow somewhere he started to fall for me too. Even though he never confessed, my friends were saying that it was obvious that he liked me and was pursuing me.

I reciprocated but at the time where we almost got into a relationship and confessed, I pulled away because I had already done so many obsessive things like searching him up on the internet, constantly checking his Instagram, looking through his following and more, and I knew that if I got into a relationship with him I wouldn't be able to hide that I did all this.

I pulled away and he was confused but I think this made my limerence even stronger.

Knowing that we could have had something.

It's a cycle of knowing that we could have something, me not wanting it because I don't like the dynamic of our relationship from the start, causing me to yearn more for him.

I (23F) liked this guy (22M) a year ago, a lot. I showed my interest in subtle ways at the start and he seemed to have reciprocated a bit.

My signals however were a bit mixed at the start because at the time I didn't really know if he was interested in me, so when he started giving me mixed signals, I accepted it as he just wanted to do that because I started it first.

I should have trusted when people say take mixed signals as a no, because what happened next was weeks of him giving me the most mixed signals ever, me falling for it, and then after that I found out that I was the "other girl" the whole time.

He probably found out I liked him because he started sending me flirty messages and trying to get my attention all the time when we were in a group setting. However, whenever I wanted to take it further by having a good conversation with him over text, he would always reply dry and would only text me back when he wanted to ask me something.

He would then start showing me texts between him and another girl in his life that he was also getting close with, and it would be conversations of her acting really flirty toward him. At the time I thought maybe he's just trying to show me texts of other girls to make me jealous, and I didn't think they were a thing because he would have told me that.

I eventually got tired of his games and we stopped talking until now. Today, I found from a friend that he and the girl that he was texting had actually been having a thing from the time we first met.

I don't know how to feel about this situation; it was as if he was blatantly telling me "I don't like you", but at the same time flirting with me, and I was just ignoring all the times he said "I don't like you". I feel angry but at the same time I can't because he technically showed me all his conversations with the girl, just that he didn't clarify that they were having a thing.

I feel shitty because it made me seem like I was okay being "the other girl" when I would have backed off if I knew things were more than friends between him and her. But I also know that I did have my speculations and I chose to ignore it out of feelings for him.

I previously have had a bit of insecurities from a previous crush where that crush also eventually flirted with another girl when I thought he was flirting with me, so this experience has made me even more insecure because it feels like I will always be that "other girl" that guys want to try out their flirting on, while they chase the girl they wanted the most.

How do I get over this?

I'm a girl who had sort of an awkward phase growing up, I didn't really bother with my appearance. Guys seemed not to pay the most attention to me; I wasn't the girl that was on the receiving end of "This guy likes you!", but I did notice that guys that I became friends with almost always had a soft spot for me.

During this time, I remembered one of my girl friends looking at me and saying "Actually, OP is quite pretty". I remember telling this to someone else and they said "Doesn't this mean they didn't think you were pretty at first?" So I always had it in my mind that I wasn't that attractive.

A few years later, I remember my friends and I were discussing appearances, and then when it came to me they said, "Oh yeah OP is pretty." Then I was so confused, I said "Wait really?" because I spent my whole life thinking I was unattractive. And they said it so matter-of-factly.

Then, I glowed-up. I started having people in my class remark, "Wow, OP is really pretty". The thing is, it was only girls saying it, and not guys. And girls are generally more generous with compliments. At this time, I think ok I definitely am attractive! but guys still don't really approach me or give me a lot of attention, maybe more than average but not very high. Furthermore, it's usually me being more friendly to the guy first rather than them being friendly to me first.

Then I went to college in the city and everyone's extremely good looking and I thought ok, my looks probably aren't stellar here. I make a guy friend and at first he treats me like guys did in my ugly phase, he just said a few words. But when I started becoming more friendly with him, that's when I felt he had a soft spot for me like I said earlier, wanting to take care of me etc.

I meet a guy I like and I send a few signals to him that I like him. He seemed to be sort of interested in me, but I could feel like he was drawing a line sometimes and he also never asked me out, so I took it as he was not that interested. He also had a few conventionally attractive female friends. However, just as I mentioned earlier, it was only when we started becoming more friendly with each other that he developed that "soft spot" for me and seemed to really enjoy my presence.

One day, someone in my class remarks how I'm really pretty, and he hears it. He doesn't say anything, but when we were talking about something and I mentioned I found this person good-looking, he looks at me and says I'm good looking, but it's very objective and matter-of-fact.

I guess I'm a bit confused. I feel like taken all, with the amount of compliments I receive, I should have guys DMing me on Instagram, asking me out, approaching me.... but I get none of that, and I often have to express interest in guys first for them to start expressing interest, and even then, it's not even close to the interest I've seen other girls receive.

TLDR; Can you be frequently complimented on your attractiveness but still not have people ask you out?

There's a guy (22M) who has been giving me (20F) mixed signals. We're in a group of friends, and I thought he liked me because he was paying more interest to me in a group, which made me make the first moves like ask for his Instagram, invite him to have meals with me, etc.

But he has made moves that makes me think he's subtly rejecting me, he doesn't ask for my number back, he makes sure that our hangouts are always in a group setting despite me just asking him, he frequently talks about other girls in his life, and he texts me pretty dry.

Now that would make me get the hint, which it did, but it feels like every time I pull away thinking he doesn't like me, he suddenly starts giving me so much more attention, playfully teasing, gentle touches, etc. to the point that others in the group thought there was something a bit weird about him.

Do you think it is possible for a guy to not like you but like the attention you give them? As a girl, if I think a guy that I don't like likes me, I would really dislike the attention they give as well. Maybe it's different for guys.

TLDR; guy wants my attention but indirectly rejects me