u/Fast-Ad3313 — reddlx

To be honest I’ve been having so many problems with one person alone.. I wish we didn’t have to go through this. I’m just really stressed my life isn’t easy atm and I’m trying to basically pivot between handling my life and this person. He’s really important to me and I was told to pray for him. But I think I’m just so exhausted that si just feel like giving up all hopes for him. I was told to just keep praying no matter what keep praying keep perservering and just be gracious and merciful towards him as he is a Christian but does unchristian things. I cannot change how he is his lifestyle or his choices but I can intercede for him. It’s l gotten so bad I seriously cannot I have my own healing to do. I feel like I’m sacrificing myself for this man as a friend but I don’t have the guts to fully abandon prayer for him so I ask that I get some guidance on some stuff I can ask in prayer for him? The confusion the living worldly he’s young and making the worst decisions and it just hurt my heart see him throw it all out like that.

Genuine question 😂 I have not slept all night it’s 8am and I’m asking myself the dumbest questions. So I’m a 25yo female and tbh I really hate to talk about it but since this is not exposing my name or anything I feel a bit better oversharing and I feel like if I talk about it part of me will feel healed. I’m very embarrassed to even admit this but I think I’m having issues getting a boyfriend because I feel like some men really need sex and me I’m focused on having stability and stuff and a family I don’t believe in throwing myself in sex and I think because when I was younger I went through SA for 4 years starting from when I was 11 and I went through very traumatic experiences that have stuck with me throughout the years and followed me up until the age of 19 when I was thrown out of he house because my mother decided to be a woman first.. everyone I lived with basically blamed me or accused me of wanting their husbands or even my own cousins.. never the case so I was really hurt and very affected until I left for college and I was able to live on my own to get of out that constant reminder.. I don’t like saying I’m not a virgin because technically I’m not. But this was my very first time and I haven’t had any physical contact with any man since I was 14. It’s a pretty intimate conversation I know. I think there’s been many times I’ve gotten close to having sex with guys but I stop myself from even kissing or anything. I’ve talked to many many men I’m very attractive I do have a high libido I do stuff on my own it’s a sin I know. But when I have options to get down and dirty and the opportunities are there at hand I cannot for the life of me my thoughts limit me and tell me no I can’t do this.. and that’s ok but what’s gonna happen when I find a man that wants to marry me? Plus since I was a kid I stopped caring for my personal areas let it grow out every now and then I’m chubby and have PCOS and I took a good look at it today and my areas weren’t as dark as I thought. I think I’m ready to open myself up to finally explore even though I wanna abstain from it till marriage but really what I want is security in a man that will make me feel comfortable for me to be intimate with. I’m trying to get over this and do what I can to work on my fears because really it’s so irrational for me to hold on to this. I’m contradicting myself from what I want and don’t. I do want sex but for some reason when a guy that likes me.. I always want something more than just that kind of ruins the experience for both of us.. so I just never get to do anything. My biggest fear is being in a relationship where it’s just sex or being with someone for just sex with no labels. My beliefs are a bit mixed in here. I just don’t wanna get used then discarded. So my question primarily is what do you think of this? I’m awfully scared of the responses. Most of the men I’ve talked to are bad experiences, never want anything serious. This just adds on to the fact that I’ve closed myself off completely. I have a lot of insecurities now but I’m working on taking care of them. It’s just my mind tells me the man I’m with won’t even enjoy me. At the same time I think it’s mental thing I have to fix. I’ve prayed over this because I feel broken or like something is wrong with me for most of my life.

Edit: I didn’t think this post would bring any attention. I’ve struggled to find a good group of people to tell my secrets to. This isn’t the only thing I’ve struggled with. I don’t want to pitty myself but there’s just way more to my story. One day I want to have a testimony ready. And I’m so incredibly overwhelmed by the amount of support I got off just a few comments. Obviously everyone has their own perspectives and feelings.. but I really do appreciate the fact that people took their time to even answer me. I’m dealing with too much mentally and emotionally now but that’s why I’m here opening up about 1 of my many demons literally. I really needed that. Everytime I see the comments I re read them because to me they feel like the parents I didn’t have that weren’t there protecting me. I think God used everyone in a very kind way and I really am greatful. I’m very emotional today not usually like this but thank you. I’m just currently processing emotions and releasing them.