u/FeelingLost23

I’m so done with everything, this life is too painful to live in. I don’t wanna live to be in my 30s. I don’t belong here in this life, because I have nothing to offer to this world. Absolutely nothing. I’ve been a failure and a loser my whole life. I’m an introverted weirdo and I hate being that way. I don’t matter and never have. I’m done going through any more of this pain. I wish I could find a way to end it all, but I don’t know how to do it. All the ways I can think of are way too painful.

I have nothing to look forward to in life, absolutely nothing. I consume media a lot to distract myself, but I’m starting to become bored by it. I wanna live life for real, but my life sucks too much.

All my life I’ve used things to distract myself, not only that, but my mother was still alive. Ever since my mom has been gone, I’ve never felt more lonely in my entire life. I hate living life without her. She is the one and only woman who will ever love me unconditionally. Most other women want nothing to do with me. My grandmother has dementia, so it definitely isn’t the same.

I just want this painful existence to end. It will never get better and I will never be happy the way I used to be happy. I don’t wanna live to be an old man. I would much rather die young. I can’t take decades more of this.

Today is my birthday, I just turned 24, and I feel so behind in life. I have no idea what to do, it’s exhausting. The only thing I ever feel like doing is staying at home, laying around, and eating. I don’t have the motivation to do anything else. I barely have any friends at all and I don’t believe that I will ever make any new friends. I was always terrible at making friends when I was a kid, and I suffer today because of it.

I remember when I attended the youth group at my church as a kid. I didn’t really have any friends then. I remember they had marshmallows under a fire one time and they asked everyone to give one to your friend or something, I don’t remember exactly what they said, and no one came to me. I just sat back and stared at everyone while they hung out with their friends. I remember that to this day because it hurt.

I remember back in school when they told us to pair up with someone and there were times that I was the only one in the room that didn’t have anyone to pair up with. This would happen in gym class too. In gym class they would ask us to pick a team, and when I would do that, every team didn’t want me. Which forced me to sit alone on a bench somewhere and watch everyone else play together.

I’ve only had a few true friends in school, but when they weren’t around, I didn’t have anyone to hang out with. One of those friends still keeps in touch with me, but I don’t get to hang sometimes because we both have to work. Plus, there were a ton of girls that I had crushes on growing up, but I knew that I didn’t have a chance with any of them, plus because I was shy and quiet.

On top of that losing my mom and aunt. Both of which I will never see again. I have to live the rest of my life without my mom. So yeah, my life sucks.

I feel invisible and unwanted. I’ve felt that way for a very long time. I had times of depression and anxiety during middle school and high school, but depression didn’t hit me the hardest until my 20s. That’s why I would rather just disappear because my life is shit. I feel so alone and I’ve felt that way for almost my entire life.

If it’s been that way for that long, then I don’t ever see it getting any better. I have no skills at making friends now because I never made many as a kid. I have no skills of asking women out or getting with a woman because I’ve never done it even though I’m straight. That’s why I struggle with porn so much, because my hormones go crazy. Porn seems more easier than dealing with real people.

That’s also the reason I watch ASMR because it shows another woman on the screen that talks the whole time and gives the viewer attention which calms me down.

Yeah, I’m a weirdo, but that’s honestly how I feel. I lost the only woman who will ever love me unconditionally, which was my mom. I lost the person who brought me into this world. So yeah, I’m not happy today. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be happy again. I will always be alone because it’s all I’ve ever known. I feel like such a loser and I might as well give up on trying to build relationships.

Today is my birthday, I just turned 24, and I feel so behind in life. I have no idea what to do, it’s exhausting. The only thing I ever feel like doing is staying at home, laying around, and eating. I don’t have the motivation to do anything else. I barely have any friends at all and I don’t believe that I will ever make any new friends. I was always terrible at making friends when I was a kid, and I suffer today because of it.

I remember when I attended the youth group at my church as a kid. I didn’t really have any friends then. I remember they had marshmallows under a fire one time and they asked everyone to give one to your friend or something, I don’t remember exactly what they said, and no one came to me. I just sat back and stared at everyone while they hung out with their friends. I remember that to this day because it hurt.

I remember back in school when they told us to pair up with someone and there were times that I was the only one in the room that didn’t have anyone to pair up with. This would happen in gym class too. In gym class they would ask us to pick a team, and when I would do that, every team didn’t want me. Which forced me to sit alone on a bench somewhere and watch everyone else play together.

I’ve only had a few true friends in school, but when they weren’t around, I didn’t have anyone to hang out with. One of those friends still keeps in touch with me, but I don’t get to hang sometimes because we both have to work. Plus, there were a ton of girls that I had crushes on growing up, but I knew that I didn’t have a chance with any of them, plus because I was shy and quiet.

On top of that losing my mom and aunt. Both of which I will never see again. I have to live the rest of my life without my mom. So yeah, my life sucks.

I feel invisible and unwanted. I’ve felt that way for a very long time. I had times of depression and anxiety during middle school and high school, but depression didn’t hit me the hardest until my 20s. That’s why I would rather just disappear because my life is shit. I feel so alone and I’ve felt that way for almost my entire life.

If it’s been that way for that long, then I don’t ever see it getting any better. I have no skills at making friends now because I never made many as a kid. I have no skills of asking women out or getting with a woman because I’ve never done it even though I’m straight. That’s why I struggle with porn so much, because my hormones go crazy. Porn seems more easier than dealing with real people.

That’s also the reason I watch ASMR because it shows another woman on the screen that talks the whole time and gives the viewer attention which calms me down.

Yeah, I’m a weirdo, but that’s honestly how I feel. I lost the only woman who will ever love me unconditionally, which was my mom. I lost the person who brought me into this world. So yeah, I’m not happy today. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be happy again. I will always be alone because it’s all I’ve ever known. I feel like such a loser and I might as well give up on trying to build relationships.