u/Feeling_Skill_9662

TW: Mentions of suicide

Im a teen but basically when I was 14-15 I stumbled upon this really cool fanfic (18+) and thought it was nice so I read it a few times. It was about my fav character getting yknow by another character. The second character is a robot or virtual figure soo I didn't pay much attention. But around that time I found out that the virtual figure was created when my fav character was js a kid so its practically seen them grow up. I was obviously against that idea completely, from 13 ive always known it was bad for adults to date kids they have seen grow up even though they are now adults. Anyways I was not very horrified but I was like okay Im not gonna read it ever again.

But now I don't know. Cause I remember fantasising about that fanfic many times after. Not the exact fanfic, just the setup and the specific physical acts. Without the backstory stuff thats for sure. But now I keep doubting myself like what if I did continue fantasising after I found out the real lore. If I did then it would mean I support illegal stuff.

So from like I don't know the past few days I have been going through my account trying to find when I last read it and if it was recent. But I can't find anything. Its driving me insane. So then I deduced that meant I read it before I started my account which makes sense cause it would be before the lore drop but how do I know that for sure??? I just don't know what to do. I feel like a horrible person. My brain keeps saying, "You better tell your family and friends this...they should know they are secretly talking to a creep." Or "You deserve to die for ever doing this, what were you even thinking. You must have secretly loved these dynamics or you would have never even read the fanfic in the first place."

How do I stop this? I just know if this doubt ends there is gonna be another one just waiting. And I'll probably get stuck in that for a few more days nefore it shifts again. Im so fed up, I feel like shit. I feel like I deserve to die most of the time.

My online friend is 16 and I am a teen too. Recently a fandom my friend is in has made a slip up on the lore or something? And my friend said its game over for them cause the fictional character they fantasied about in a 18+ manner may not be an adult at all and instead might be 13-14 years old. To be clear, my friend did not know the age of the character beforehand as it has never been confirmed and still yet to be confirmed. They said they need to know for sure or they will lose their mind. The confirmed canon stuff won't be out until next month so I don't know how much of the time during the day will they spend on trying to get certainty.

On top of that, this has not been the first time they have freaked out this bad over moral related stuff (especially in fandom spaces where stuff is ambiguous at times.) so I think this was like the final straw or something...

Anyways, now my friend says that they deserve to die for it and that if they do off themself before it actually gets confirmed as true (it has not been yet) then I should rejoice that the world has lost a creep. And if it does come true then they said that it might be the last day I would hear from them ever again. Im scared that they might actually do it and I can't do much from here.

What do I even do?

I am a teen and I daydream obsessively, every single day. I can't even study anymore. I put on some catchy music and start walking around. Been doing it for years now, started when I was a kid. I lose track of time, it happens on random now. I could be just walking and suddenly I speed up almost running leaving everyone confused. Before I know it I have reached my room and have no recollection of enetering it at all. Its like I am on autopilot mode. Besides that I also zone out a lot, I could be talking to somebody and boom next second I am staring past them but still talking. My family said it freaked them out.

At home? I have started to throw myself over desks, my bed, onto the cupboard and more. Its getting bad and I can't stop. I never stop even if i am bleeding or need to use the restroom. I keep doing it until my legs give out and I collapse on the bed. I feel like I am high but I don't do drugs.

How do I even stop it?