u/Feriation

Face attack for French Ring. This guy lives for the sport.

Picture of a cookie in a box that I just stared at because I have absolutely no desire to eat right now. I lose my appetite during stress.

In less than 2 weeks, it will would? have been 10 years. I am lost. I always knew my lack of libido and lack of initiating intimacy was a problem. But I stupidly thought that since he hadn't brought anything up that it wasn't so bad.

I was wrong.

Last night I was feeling ready to initiate with him. But he declined. He said he needed to think about whether he wanted to make love, or watch TV like our original plan had been. He left the bedroom, after what felt like an eternity he came back, he got onto the bed beside me, and had the most pained expression on his face.

I was the first to speak. "We're not okay, are we"?

He tells me that while he had recently come to me with some recent difficulties in our relationship and he saw that I had been putting in an effort, that he thinks it was too little and too late. That he still loves me, but its a friendship. He has lost the spark. He doesnt desire me. Then he told me he applied for a job in another country. A country where I cannot follow him because I cannot get a work visa there. We just moved, less than a year ago, to another province where I know no one and have no support system. I have made a couple situational friends but no one that I am close enough to have a conversation like this... I have no one to talk to about this, all my friends are our friends and I can't put them in a position like this.. so I guess I am coming here, because I need to somehow get this out of my body, my brain before I feel like I explode with grief.

Today I got up and left for work before he was awake. I got home and he didnt even bother to leave his office to say anything. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him because I would break down crying. I ran myself a bath and i am now sitting in the dark, on my phone, looking up couples counseling wondering if he would even be willing to try.

I want to fix this. But he isnt sure he wants to. And that crushed me.

I am terrified. I do not make enough at my job to make ends meet by myself. Its been 10 years since ive been alone. He is was? the best thing to have ever happened to me. I desperately do not want to lose him, but maybe i already have... I wanted to get married (we have been engaged for years). I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But right now I can't even look at him without breaking into tears.

We did our first French Ring trial last weekend and passed our Brevet! We scored 98.9 out of 100, which is crazy to me considering we only started training in the sport earlier this year.

For those who aren't familiar with the sport, French Ring is a sport that combines jumps, obedience, and protection work. The Brevet is the first title, followed by Ring 1, Ring 2, and finally Ring 3.

In the Brevet, the obedience is a heel on lead, food refusal, heel with muzzle, and a long down where the handler is out of sight.

The two protection scenarios of the Brevet are the face attack, where you send the dog downfield to the decoy, and the defence of the handler with gunfire. During the defence, the dog must maintain contact with you while you are walking away, while also remaining vigilant towards the decoy approaching from behind. Once the decoy "hits" the handler, the dog must bite, but not before.

Time to start training for the 1s!

I was told there was an easy pace today. I'm not sure where the easy pace was, it might have taken a different trail than we did.

Did a 5.5km run with a couple others from my local canicross club.

It was grey, windy, and cold out this morning (at least the snow from yesterday is gone!) but any day is a good day when I am running with my pup. The trails were mostly good except for the last section that was all deep mud, so we retreated to the paved section to finish up our run.

My guy is the one on the far left.

I was planning on joining the local canicross group for a run tonight, but I got the start time mixed up. We saw them coming off the trail just as we were starting.

The temperature was a lot higher than we've been running in up to this point, so our pace was slower than normal. Also, I think I inhaled what had to be a hundred bugs over the course of the run, there were huge clouds of them everywhere!

He got to take a couple dips in the river to help stay cool, but even starting at 8pm it was a toasty one today.

Why did it take me so long to get one?