u/FewRound4213

My mother's Day gift to my mother was not ending it. She asked for me not to and I wasn't exactly planning on it anytime soon but I've always had thoughts and I've cut my arm a lot so she knows I'm suicidal. I feel like such a bad son and a worse person. The urge to cut is so so strong I just despise being alive

I already felt really really guilty for cutting after she found out. Now if I even think about it I feel like a failure. It makes me want to do it more. Idk if it's better to feel guilty but satisfied or feel "responsible" but having a dying urge to cut

For about a month I was clean but just started to get urges too big to ignore. I've started choking myself as another way of harm but I feel like that's worse than cutting. I stole some kind of paper cutting tool from my art class just to get a blade. Usually I would feel really guilty for something like this but I don't for some reason