u/Fickle_Thing_5015

Hi, I'm a cis bi woman and I recently started dating a trans lesbian. We actually knew each other before she came out but it was many many years ago and never spoke more than once or twice in school. We connected online when she followed a bunch of alumni and I messaged her because I thought she was cute. We became really good friends, she didn't tell me she was trans, and I may be in the wrong here but I never mentioned I knew already. It was mostly because I never really thought about it. Most of my friends are trans or genderqueer so I just genuinely don't think about anyone's assigned sex at birth. What I didn't know is she was terrified to tell me, she didn't tell me until many months into our friendship and I let her know that I knew because we met in school and that it's never affected how I see her.

Anyway, fast forward to 7 months of friendship later, I finally confessed to her, we immediately started dating. We've been dating for about a month and a half now, not a crazy amount of time, but because we were such incredible friends before hand and I had such a huge crush on her for so long, I'm already very far gone haha. She's told me before she doesn't feel valid as a trans woman because she didn't ever have any physical dysphoria, she doesn't get triggered by her dead name and likes to joke about it, she doesn't get triggered by being misgendered by old people, she said to me, and these are her words, that she's a bad transgender person. She's been on estrogen for 5 years, had bottom surgery 2 years ago, and has been out for probably 6 or 7 years.

Now despite her telling me she didnt ever experience any physical gender dysphoria, i feel like I've noticed some sort of dysphoria and I don't know how to comfort her or persuade her she's beautiful. She hasn't wanted me to go down on her yet, she's said she thinks she's disgusting and foul and hasn't had anyone go down on her since surgery, she's had only a string of really crappy sexual partners who refused to touch her completely and now I can't convince her I want her. I am happy to wait as long as she wants for anything, but I worry that the only reason she doesn't want reciprocation is because of this view of herself. She often says she feels like she tricked me into finding her attractive because I saw her in photos for months before in person. Or that she's misrepresented herself to me.

She also says she doesn't deserve to call herself a woman or a lesbian. I reassure her the best I can, tell her ever since we reconnected, I haven't seen her as anything but a woman, that I think she's stunning and incredible and I thought that before I had feelings for her. She claims it was all good angles. I have seen her, touched her, I know she's incredible, I also know it's impossible to see that yourself sometimes, I try to walk the line of letting her know how I see her but also not invalidating her feelings. I know it's not the same at all but I used to have an ED so I have experienced some sort of dysphoria and know what it feels like to not be able to see yourself the way others do, so I don't want to invalidate her feelings or make her feel like she has to agree that she's pretty but still want to let her know how I see her.

Have any of you experienced a similar dysphoria to this? Is this dysphoria? I've tried to talk about it with her before but she's just said that she's not a real woman and that she's disgusting and that she's tricked me when we bring it up. Sometimes she jokes that she's a man or not a real woman and I never know how to respond. She also has had some mental health struggles we've been working through and that's been the top priority (BD) but she just sees herself as inhuman and not worthy of love or affection.

I can tell she's making a conscious effort with this, she's in therapy but her therapist is a cis woman too, I just I would kill for any advice. I would do anything for her. I can't seem to convince her she's worthy of being with me. She tells me I'm the most beautiful woman she's seen and that she's not worthy of being with me but she's my most beautiful woman in the world. She thinks because I've only had partners that ended up treating me poorly in the past that I'm settling for her and not realizing it. She's the most incredible woman in the world. I feel so fucking lucky to have found her. I could listen to her talk about her interests for hours, she's the most creative, hilarious, hard working, kind, and intelligent woman and I wish she could see herself the way I see her. She's been surrounded by people who've put her down for so long that's the only way she sees herself. I just want to know if there's anything I could do better or different for her or if I just keep on keeping with the support I'm giving her.

I've had a close female friend, who's a lesbian. We became friends after I got out of an abusive relationship with a man and after almost a year of friendship we've finally admitted we have feelings for eachother. The reason it took so long is that I was recovering from trauma, coming to terms with my sexuality, etc. I never thought anything could happen between us because unfortunately she moved to a different state. Well, yearning won out and we confessed.

Now to the crux. I have always known she has a friend she has a weekly sleepover with / hangs out with on the weekends pretty much all weekend. I recently, right before we confessed, found out they used to date. Essentially, they dated for a year, weren't extremely intimate because the friend was kinda not sure what she wanted and then decided to go back to being friends. That's totally normal. What's not normal to me is I personally feel like now that I know everything I know that they never broke up. They stopped being intimate and calling each other girlfriends but the sleepovers every night didn't stop. The sharing a bed (but apparently no cuddling) never stopped. The dates (or hang outs I guess but is a drive in movie really a friend thing with your ex?) never stopped. The cooking for the ex never stopped. They spent every second together from when they get off work Friday to Monday morning.

Now my last attempt at a sapphic relationship was when I was in highschool and I know there's a lot of like besties who are exes in the community. I've never been extraordinarily comfortable with that but I thought I could deal with it but the more I think about it the more I'm like are these two not just still dating???

She said she'd stop sleepovers if I wanted her to but I feel like that's just a small part of it. The issue to me is she seems to have never broken up with her ex. And I don't want to start a relationship with tension and ultimatums and her best friend resenting me. She swears up and down she's not interested in her ex in that way up and that she'd never ever do anything and that they weren't good together. But it's not even about that to me. I don't think she'd be a cheater but it's the fact that she feels like she's in a relationship already to me and that she should've ended this relationship long before trying to date other people not once she found someone to date. She doesn't see it that way at all. Says they're just best friends.

I am head over heels for this girl. But this has been haunting me. She's been great at talking with me about it and she knows it's weird and she wants to do whatever she can to make it better but I don't know what could make it better? I feel like they're in a relationship with how they spend 40% of nights in the same bed, 40% of dinners with the girl I like spending a serious amount of time making her ex dinner, going to drive ins together, being inseparable. I feel sick over it.

Is this something I should learn to get over? Is this inevitable in the sapphic dating world? I feel like an insecure teenager.

This is always such an uncomfortable topic for me with clients, but I've had a ton of experience with cats of many different conditions and know how to recognize symptoms of lots of commonly overlooked conditions. I never know quite how to phrase it to owners to not come off too overconfident like "I know more than you about your own cat" but also be forward enough to let them know I do know what I'm talking about.

I've helped one cat get a hyperthyroidism diagnosis when I noticed his appetite was much greater than the other cats while he was maintaining a much thinner frame and suggested to the owner he get his thyroid tested. But I still feel like I could potentially burn a bridge if I don't do it right.

Currently I have a client who's cat is doing a very classic asthma cough. I know asthma super well, have a cat with asthma, have cared for other asthmatic cats, spent years working with my own cat's asthma and have a very educational vet who really spends a good time with me making sure I understand everything. So I can recognize that this cat is coughing. I mentioned it to the owner and they said it's normal for her and they've taken her to the vet for it and the vet said it's probably just a hairball or something tickling her throat and causing a gag reflex. This shocks me because the position of a cat gagging and a cat coughing are entirely different.

I want to mention to the owner that they may want a second opinion to rule out feline asthma or a lung issue but they love their vet and obviously I'm not a vet but I had multiple vets tell me the same thing before I got my cat an asthma diagnosis and my vet walked me through very thorough how this misdiagnosis happens and what the key differences are so I do feel like their vet was wrong. Especially because I've visited so many vets who were wrong about my cats asthma.

I'll be honest I'm kinda at a loss on what to do in this scenario because I've never been in this scenario in my life. I had a new client request I come visit their cats 3x a day for a week, very pricey booking. I made sure to have them look over the charges and total cost before we did the meet and greet and they said everything looks good.

I go to the meet and greet, they're very lovely people, offer me drinks and snacks, offer to get me snacks and sodas to have in their home while I'm there. Tell me to help myself to any of their teas or coffee, basically intensely emphasize how excited they are to have found me because I seem like the perfect sitter for them and they want me to be comfortable and feel at home at their home. I left the meet and greet after an hour and a half of us chatting and they gave me the key. I booked from my end and waited.

They didn't book it. I message them reminding them to book and sending a summary of my notes from the meet and greet. No response. I message them again to ask them to please finish the booking because I cannot enter their home without them completing the booking. No response. I message again asking if they're having trouble with anything or need my help or need to alter anything regarding the booking. No response!!

I'm going to call them this afternoon after work hours and hope they respond but if they don't what do I even do? Why did they give me the keys? I'm so lost. It's been a couple days since the meet and greet and there's only a few days until they leave.

Background: (You can skip if you wish)

• I've had this client since March, the three things I know about her is that she's extremely generous (offered me food, dinner, cat food for my cat at the meet&greet, always tips generously), her cats are her world (the m&g took an hour, she's the only client I've had ask me questions where I felt like it was almost an interview), and she's very sweet (always super positive and responsive and laughs a lot).
• recently I've been sitting for her pretty much off and on every week because of a personal issue she's been having and she's really appreciated my flexibility and I've basically promised her that aside from days I'm out of town, I can always watch her cats if there's an emergency because she lives 2 minutes from me and I love her cats and feel very comfortable in her home and with her. She has gotten even more generous in her tips during this time to the point where I'm kinda bashful about it, even though I appreciate it greatly and need the money, it just overwhelms me because it's more generous than any of my other clients.

On to the couch question:

She recently got a kitten who is basically brand spanking new, 2 months old when she got her, very bitty, a little trouble with using the toilet while her owner is out of town. Well she turned out to have been peeing on a two seater couch over and over and because it was under some laundry I couldn't smell it, owner didn't smell it, we didn't really know when it happened but it had been happening for a while, so she's like "I'm just going to toss the couch, can you put the cushions in the garage till I'm home so the house doesn't smell till I can find someone to haul the couch away"

I recently fled an abusive relationship and had to leave almost all of my possessions behind and I'll be honest I could really use a couch, I'm pretty crafty and have a kinda well loved furniture aesthetic so I could reupholster it or make new cushions, but I have no idea if this would be the rudest thing in the world to ask like it feels like being like: "hey I let your cat pee on your couch anyway can I have it now?"

I'm watching a hairless cat and I saw a singular flea on him today after over two weeks of visiting him. He has one tiny tuft of hair on his tail and I checked that thoroughly, no other fleas or eggs. I know people say that if there's one flea, there's many but obviously, there aren't many places to hide on hairless cats and I've cared for this cat multiple times these couple of months and never seen fleas on him.

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I'm not doing any other bookings right now and haven't in several days. I checked my own cats carefully as soon as I got home to be sure I didn't bring the flea from them and they are both completely flea free so I'm kinda at a loss. I'm living in the south and it's predicted to be a bad year for fleas so I'm just wondering if anyone has had this happen? Is it possible that I brought in the flea on my clothes from outside? I haven't even been outside much today so I'm just confused.

I'm in a nightmare situation. TLDR at the end.

I have a regular client who works with a local shelter to care for feral cats, when she's out of town I go feed her feral colony, its always been a really simple job. This time, she's out of town for almost three weeks and has her daughters cat staying at the house. I went over to get instructions for the daughters cat and she is extremely skittish. Client says I may not even see her, that she only likes her daughter. Cat also pees on the carpets but client says that's usual for her and not to worry about it, they'll be ripping the carpet up when the daughter and the cat leave. She said if there's any trouble I can call her father and that he's going to be coming and going multiple times throughout the booking anyway to take care of her yard.

Almost a week of this booking has gone by and it's been fine. Half the days I haven't seen the cat but I've seen she's eaten all her food and pooped in the litterbox. Days that I do see the cat, she's in hiding almost immediately after and even when I see where she goes I still can't see her when I look. Then she started pooping out of the box two days ago. Yesterday I managed to catch a glimpse of her again and she has a collar that's not a breakaway but is elastic and it's stretched under her front leg, looks incredibly uncomfortable as it's around both her neck and arm. I approach her very slowly to try to fix the collar, she lets me touch her but as soon as I touch the collar she flips and sprints under the bed and I can't get her to come out again, nor do I think it's safe for either of us to try. I messaged the owner telling her about the collar and explaining that I don't think she'll let me fix it but that I think it's the reason she's pooping outside of the box. Owner messages me back in the middle of the night last night that her son and her father went over last night to try to fix it but that they couldn't find the cat.

I go back this morning and the cat hasn't eaten anything. Nothing in the litter box. I'm freaked out. I call the grandpa and it goes to voicemail, I try to look for the cat but it's a 3 story house with several rooms on each floor and lots of stuff and spaces for the cat to hide, owner said she rarely leaves the one room she's in, I'm checking under the bed and behind stuff and I don't find her. I'm really worried but I leave and tell the owner that there were no signs of the cat today through rover.

Later today the father calls me and says that he's going over this afternoon with the son again to search for the cat. The son adds that he thinks she could've gone out the doggy door and that she's done so a few times in the past. At this point I'm very stressed. I was not made aware that there was a doggy door or any way for the cat to escape when I accepted. I'm terrified now that the cat could've gotten out. The father and the son let me know later in the afternoon that the food is still not eaten and they cant find the cat and that they're going to go back in the morning again. I messaged the owner again asking if she can check her cameras to see if the cat went outside and asking what else I can do but I truly feel like I'm at a loss. I have no idea what to do.

I've never had anything like this happen with any of my clients in half a year of sitting, I'm always very careful to make sure that no cats ever get close to the door when I leave and come. I had no idea there was a doggy door. I think the cats flipped out from the discomfort of the collar under her arm. It's so hard figuring out what to do because the client is several timezones away and not very responsive because she has bad coverage. I'm supposed to go back over tomorrow morning but I'm not very hopeful. The father and the son said they'd be back over tomorrow morning so maybe all together we can figure something out.

TLDR: Clients very skittish and shy cat hasn't eaten food since I last visited and discovered that her collar was elastic and had gotten caught under her arm. Clients father and son informed me that there's a doggy door the cat could've gone out that I wasn't informed about previously. None of us have seen her since yesterday morning.

UPDATE: I FOUND HER!!!! When the dad and son came over to try to fix her collar they shut one of the bedroom doors not realizing she was in there. Yesterday I didn't open that door because I thought one of them was sleeping in there because there was a new car out front. But today I was all alone so I opened the door and it reeked of cat pee in there. Poor girl was huddled up under the bed on a rollaway mattress sandwiched between the two beds. I put the food under the bed and I'm currently sitting in a separate room hoping she eats while I'm out here.

I had a meet and greet for a client who wants me to sit for them in a month. When I got there one of the animals had ringworm, they didn't disclose this ahead of time but said both the cats are on ringworm medicine and they'll send me the paperwork saying they're all clear from the vet when they get it. I said I wouldn't accept the booking till I got the all clear but the more I think about it the more I am nervous to take the request at all but I also have OCD so I can't tell if I'm being rational about the ringworm. Thankfully I didn't touch either animal at the meet and greet and fully sanitized everything I was wearing and myself when I got home.

I didn't know at the time that ringworm spores can stay present in the environment for so long and that they can reinfect the cats easily. Owner followed up with me today asking to confirm the booking but they haven't mentioned the ringworm cat. Am I being too OCD? I would only be in the apartment for 15 minutes at a time twice a day. But I have my own cats and other clients to think of. I don't know if I trust this client to have deep cleaned their apartment enough to kill all the spores. I've heard horror stories from my times working at animal shelters about how contagious ringworm is so I'm just not sure.

I'm a cat only sitter, my calendar was completely full all of April and first week of May and now crickets. I've had a couple of requests but 1) one found another sitter in the 4 minutes it took me to answer at 11pm 2) several have been vastly outside of my booking area 3) finally I got one I thought would be good, meet and greet set, but their trip got canceled.

I feel defeated. Usually one of my regulars would've booked with me but three of them are moving away this month (2 are college students graduating) and the others haven't needed me recently. I knew it would be difficult being a cat only sitter, but I feel like the competition is so tough right now.

I was previously listed at a lower price and had to raise it recently due to gas prices but I'm still not charging more than the average sitter around where I am. I'm scared the only way I'll get clients again is if I lower my prices again but everything is so expensive right now and I thought I had enough glowing reviews + star sitter and would be able to charge a smidge more.

Last time I modded Skyrim was in 2021. Now with AE I'm a little nervous that things have changed in ways I may not know. I've been going through my old mod list and reading the posts on all of them to see what's been having issues, I've already decided on switching a few things out, like AddItemMenu, since people are saying it's broken now. It also seems like lots of people have moved away from FNIS. I'm gonna be honest, I don't really understand what changed with AE and how big of a deal it was, but if anyone has any advice for me I'd appreciate it tons.

I had a client who was looking for a new regular cat sitter after his last one moved away, I've done one sit for him and I just cannot go back. He had so many extra needs each visit that he would add on like dealing with technical issues with his camera, technical issues with the auto water fountain, issues with the robot litter. The cat wasn't eating one of the foods and he had me leave the old food out and wouldn't let me toss it so it got foul and I ended up tossing it anyway. He has some new strat cats he rescued that he keeps separated from the other cat in his basement and there's a fly issue in there and same thing with the food TONS of wet food, way more than the cats could eat, I said the I don't think this is a good idea and he insisted they needed that much food, and overnight it got MAGGOTS IN IT (fun fact maggots can hatch in 8 hours bleh). I had to stay late cleaning up the maggots, I almost threw up several times.

He also didn't even tip me which is fine bc a tip is always a nice surprise but you think if someone had to spend an extra half hour cleaning maggots out of your apartment you'd maybe tip or at least leave a review. Nor did he apologize that I had to deal with that. Since then he tried to book me for a last minute trip that I was unavailable for and when I said I was unavaliable he replied that my rover said I was available! I had to explain that when a payment hasn't gone through it doesn't remove the spot yet. and now he wants to book me again for a few weeks out from now and I don't know how to say I can't ever come back bc even tho this has been hell he was a very sweet guy and I am stressed.

I'm a cat sitter and had to raise my prices for new clients by 2 dollars due to rapid gas price increasing, putting me still on the medium to low end of sitters in my area, and I haven't gotten a single new client since then, until tonight. I was so excited to hear my rover ring tone go off and then before I could even respond the client replied saying that they accidentally sent it and didn't mean to contact me. That's frustrating but fine until I realize that archiving this request pushes me out of the acceptance rate of star sitter. I hate that something that's 100% unavoidable on my end can punish me so intensely.

Every time I've not accepted a request it has been because of an owner mistake. Why isn't there a way for them to cancel it on their end without penalizing us? I can't imagine I'm gonna have any better luck getting new clients without star sitter status. It's even more frustrating with them pushing clients from out of my radius into my requests, even though that doesn't penalize us it still tricks me into thinking I could have a new client and then letting me down.

This title sounds so silly but I'm just wondering if anyone has any recommendations for female followers for SE that are not entirely geared towards the male gaze. No judgement to those mods they're just not very enjoyable for me as a woman. Like I really wanted to like Sofia but all the jokes she was making seemed to imply I was a man unfortunately haha. I really liked Auri for reference. There doesn't have to be romance but if there is that's cool.

Edit: I wasn't expecting this to get so many responses! Thank you so much for everyone who responded, I've added so many incredible new mods to my list and I'm so excited to try them out :) this community always comes through in the best way.