u/FinalBlackberry

My ex of eight years has apparently been bad mouthing me to women he’s dating, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m receiving messages and phone calls from mutual friends, and even friends of these women asking me what the relationship was like, whether he’s a good person, and why I was so horrible to him.

I’ve also now been sent his photos four different times from those “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” groups. One of the posts literally asked whose ex he was because “clearly she did a number on him.”

I honestly don’t even know how to navigate this. I don’t want to explain the relationship, defend myself, or give anyone a character reference. I just want to be left alone. He’s blocked. I have moved on and I’m dating a little. I’ve went on a couple of dates with someone I met at a networking event and have been on and off on dating apps.

The reality is that I went through a lot during those eight years: lying, cheating, dating apps, aggressive outbursts, emotional manipulation. On the surface he could come across as charming and like a great guy, but privately the relationship was deeply unhealthy. For a couple of years.

And I know this behavior is coming from a deep insecurity. I know that deep down he doesn’t like himself. Is afraid to be alone because he needs constant validation. Has some unresolved mom issues and I’m questioning whether he even likes women in general. It’s easier to paint me as the villain and gain sympathy from new women than it is to actually work on himself and become a likable, emotionally healthy person.

What bothers me most is that I don’t even speak about him, especially not to other men. I’m honestly embarrassed I stayed as long as I did, and I have no interest in giving men a blueprint to the emotional abuse.

At this point, I just want peace and distance from all of it. It’s been hell breaking free and I’m enjoying being single. I’m enjoying a new job, peace and time with myself. I’ve also been enjoying going on dates and meeting new people lately.

I left an extremely toxic job back in November. In hindsight, I should have left over a year earlier. I loved the work itself. It paid well enough, was close to home, and I genuinely enjoyed my clients. But I was constantly belittled, thrown under the bus in front of clients, body shamed, overworked, and burnt out to the point I became someone I didn’t even recognize outside of work. I had almost 100 hours of PTO because I was too swamped to ever take time off. Worked 12–14 hour days regularly. I was genuinely happy when I was able to only do a standard 8 hour shift and go home. Finally, I hit a wall after being called another insult, turned in my keys respectfully, thanked them for the opportunity, and walked away.

I was unemployed for about three months and lived off savings while interviewing here and there. It was fine, I didn’t expect to land anything in Quarter 4 and around the holidays. Then I accepted a sales manager role that turned out to be nothing like what was promised. They claimed they were hiring a team alongside me, that never happened. The one outside salesperson quit within a week and suddenly I was doing the work of multiple people again. The company misrepresented their size, inventory, and capabilities. I was selling outdated overstock that nobody wanted. I was expected to produce immediate results in an industry with a 9–12 month sales cycle. I left that role too after 3 months.

A few weeks ago, I started another position as an account manager for an architectural design firm. On paper, it sounded reasonable: networking, relationship building, sales goals, client development. But now I’m expected to personally cover networking expenses, gas, LinkedIn costs, etc. And the newest addition to my job description is social media management. The micromanagement has been overwhelming. Today it took nearly two hours to send a fairly straightforward proposal because every tiny detail had to be restarted repeatedly. Although I’m very proficient in QuickBooks, the COO insisted he teach me. He would make mistake, then restart the whole estimate. We did that four times. My LinkedIn is monitored, my wording is corrected constantly, and there’s an odd level of intrusion into my personal life that makes me uncomfortable.

I’ve been doing this for over a decade. I’m knowledgeable, competent, hardworking, and I’ve been successful throughout my career. But after three jobs in less than a year, I’m starting to question myself.

Is this just burnout catching up to me?

Is this what career exhaustion looks like?

Or is this a sign that I genuinely need to pivot entirely towards something else and slow down?

I honestly don’t even know how to explain all of this in future interviews without sounding unstable. I want to work, I need to work, I’m just at a crossroads of what to do.

Would genuinely appreciate hearing from anyone who’s gone through something similar because right now I feel like I’m losing perspective.