u/Financial-Problem707

For background I was a cook for 11 years then had a child and stopped working in food. Recently my partner found a piece of my hair in his food twice in one day. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and prepare all our meals. I have very long hair I put up in a bun or pony tail almost all the time. But since being pregnant
My hair falls out constantly.

When he found the hair on top of his food today he literally freaked out on me. Told me I should know better as a cook of 11 years, and told me he’s confused why I can’t get it together. I told him this is literally a non issue, it’s not a strangers hair it is your gf of 6 years hair lol. I wash it daily and although I understand how unsettling food in hair can be I didn’t think he would absolutely lose his shit on me. He’s telling me he won’t eat my food now and I told him to cook his meals himself. Am I being an asshole??

My partner and I have been together for 6 years. Over the years he cheated on me physically with atleast 6 women that I know of. I’ve always cried and he’s always convinced me it was bc of something I did. After awhile I started having conversations with other men and he would use that an excuse to do more.
Some context : I’ve been sexually physically and emotionally abused since I was 12 years old I’m 28 now. I was raped when I was a preteen by my sisters boyfriend and went on to date men who were extremely abusive to me until I was 19.
The past 6 years I’ve been dating someone I fell so hard for during Covid. We quarantined together and now 6 years later we’re together and have a child now.

After we had a child things were calm- or so I thought. Recently I’ve had an awakening. I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize how much abuse I’ve been going thru. He is obviously to me a narcissist. The past six years we’ve been together. I’ve paid every single bill for our apartment while he lived with me. He used excuses to not pay like “we argued a lot” so he felt unable to want to pay bc he said it didn’t feel secure. Or the fact he didn’t get a job for years. I paid for food clothes shelter and even co signed a new car for him because I got into an accident in his older car and felt bad. Over the years he’s cheated on me. Gaslit me about giving me stds, left me alone at the hospital when I had my tumor removed and emotionally abused me to the point of having a miscarriage from stress

I’m financially being abused emotionally and occasionally it gets physical and he knows I have never once tried to leave and that I will beg for him back and he loves it.
Our most recent arguement is bc I kissed someone in December and admitted to it to him because I felt guilt. I’m well aware this was not a nice thing to do to him. I have never once stepped out on him the entire 6 years, but I’ve been realizing how unhappy I am.
He helps me with our daughter by mainly watching her when she’s already asleep so I can finish my work shifts that go until late in the night. I question how I’d be able to do it without his help but he is not an attentive father most days and can be borderline neglectful in some cases. Although he is not on purposely horrible to our child and loves them very much I also do not see him maturing to become a better father for them
Please I don’t know how to leave him when we argue or even the idea that comes in my head of not being with him happens I feel the most immense sadness I’ve ever felt. I need to leave so my daughter lives a better life but I am so used to the chaos I don’t know how to live normally.
Please can someone give me advice on how to leave him.