u/Financial_Tough_8335

my fiance and I have been together for 5 years

I'm truly at a loss with this entire situation. I would appreciate any advice if anyone has experienced something similar, overall just to connect with people who understand. I have the strangest encounters with my in laws in general but specifically my mil. (I said encounter because we don't have a relationship what so ever.)
A little bit of context my fiancé and I are both 21 and have been together for over 5 years. I'm just going to be honest we did grow up completely differently- morals, environment, communication, maternal, lifestyle pretty much every aspect which is completely okay just giving some back ground.

His mom and I honesty don't even speak, our conversation go as far as hi, bye, and me thanking them for having me. For the first few years I would come around and no one would even speak to me, pretty much just my fiancés shadow like I didn't even exist. The first time I meant them they did even say hi to me, I never once have been around this type of dynamic. I've never been to someone's house and then not even acknowledge or speak to me. I have continuously felt very judged, like her mind has been made up just by looking at me. She is very quiet, some may say shy or very backward. (i'm not trying to be mean I just need the dynamic to be clear bc genuinely I have never experienced something like this and have absolutely no idea how to handle it or expect this as my life.) Truthfully she doesn't talk much but she cry's a lot, there no communication or expressing of feelings aside from just crying but she never fails to be opinionated about it me, there are passive aggressive comments made and have been for years. Behind my back or right in front of my face.

i'll give a couple example- I invited my finace to bring his parents to my graduation party and he asked them to come and they said " i didn't see an invitation" so they didn't come and they said they didn't fit in with my family. which makes me feel judged - they have only ever seen my parents for pictures for events in highschool even to this day and we have been graduated for 3 years and are getting married. At a family event someone told her i was a keeper and she just said " apparently " in this nasty tone and i was right in front of her. another one is my fiance and i were going on vacation for new years with my family this past year and at christmas his uncle asked if we had ever been there before and i said yes and his mom must of thought that questions was so funny she has the strangest look on her face and started laughing it was just so awkward. I could feel the judgment. she is a very quiet person, very socially awkward doesn't like confrontation but has alot to say or quite a few opinions towards me but knows nothing about me.

There does seem to be some control as well i'll give a couple examples but try to keep it short- my fiancé and I went on a weekend get away with him family and she made us sleep on the couch which feels like control to me. we are grown adults and engaged - he stays with me often. I understand some people have some religious preferences but this isn't the case. We also are supposed to be renting to them from a family home and we were supposed to be moved in march- unfortunately that has not gone well. The house hasn't been cleaned out like we planned for- so my fiance and i went over under recently and asked if there is a plan on getting it done and she just busted out crying and her husband asked why and she said that means he is moving out. and I'm sorry but this

isn't new, i wish she could of at-least pretended to be happy for us. but i don't believe she is, he isn't the first child to move out and she did not act like this. lastly his dad asked "your parents really don't care that he stays ?" I said no and he said oh okay i'm just surprised which also felt like judgment but he didn't say anything else. just because they don't except me and my relationship doesn't mean my family doesn't. Idk i truly think she hates me bc " i took her son away" my fiancé is very clearly the favorite child.

This dynamic is just incredibly hard for me my family loves him, my brother his going to be a groomsmen in our wedding. I can't stand feeling judged or disliked for no clear reason. I want to have a close bond with family and this is just the absolute opposite it's actually horrible i just in complete silence around his family i just go for him not because i feel apart of the family or welcome. and i have absolutely no idea how to fix this or come to terms with it.
I also know it's not fair for myself or my finance resentment is going between his family and truthfully i don't even want to be around them at all. I'm losing patience for the entire situation. I can’t and i won’t come second to her i am his wife and she is his mother, this isn’t a competition. I have been honest with my finance and we both are at a loss.

I'm truly at a loss with this entire situation. I would appreciate any advice if anyone has experienced something similar, overall just to connect with people who understand. I have the strangest encounters with my in laws in general but specifically my mil. (I said encounter because we don't have a relationship what so ever.)
A little bit of context my fiancé and I are both 21 and have been together for over 5 years. I'm just going to be honest we did grow up completely differently- morals, environment, communication, maternal, lifestyle pretty much every aspect which is completely okay just giving some back ground.

His mom and I honesty don't even speak, our conversation go as far as hi, bye, and me thanking them for having me. For the first few years I would come around and no one would even speak to me, pretty much just my fiancés shadow like I didn't even exist. The first time I meant them they did even say hi to me, I never once have been around this type of dynamic. I've never been to someone's house and then not even acknowledge or speak to me. I have continuously felt very judged, like her mind has been made up just by looking at me. She is very quiet, some may say shy or very backward. (i'm not trying to be mean I just need the dynamic to be clear bc genuinely I have never experienced something like this and have absolutely no idea how to handle it or expect this as my life.) Truthfully she doesn't talk much but she cry's a lot, there no communication or expressing of feelings aside from just crying but she never fails to be opinionated about it me, there are passive aggressive comments made and have been for years. Behind my back or right in front of my face.

i'll give a couple example- I invited my finace to bring his parents to my graduation party and he asked them to come and they said " i didn't see an invitation" so they didn't come and they said they didn't fit in with my family. which makes me feel judged - they have only ever seen my parents for pictures for events in highschool even to this day and we have been graduated for 3 years and are getting married. At a family event someone told her i was a keeper and she just said " apparently " in this nasty tone and i was right in front of her. another one is my fiance and i were going on vacation for new years with my family this past year and at christmas his uncle asked if we had ever been there before and i said yes and his mom must of thought that questions was so funny she has the strangest look on her face and started laughing it was just so awkward. I could feel the judgment. she is a very quiet person, very socially awkward doesn't like confrontation but has alot to say or quite a few opinions towards me but knows nothing about me.

There does seem to be some control as well i'll give a couple examples but try to keep it short- my fiancé and I went on a weekend get away with him family and she made us sleep on the couch which feels like control to me. we are grown adults and engaged - he stays with me often. I understand some people have some religious preferences but this isn't the case. We also are supposed to be renting to them from a family home and we were supposed to be moved in march- unfortunately that has not gone well. The house hasn't been cleaned out like we planned for- so my fiance and i went over under recently and asked if there is a plan on getting it done and she just busted out crying and her husband asked why and she said that means he is moving out. and I'm sorry but this isn't new, i wish she could of at-least pretended to be happy for us. but i don't believe she is, he isn't the first child to move out and she did not act like this. lastly his dad asked "your parents really don't care that he stays ?" I said no and he said oh okay i'm just surprised which also felt like judgment but he didn't say anything else. just because they don't except me and my relationship doesn't mean my family doesn't. Idk i truly think she hates me bc " i took her son away" my fiancé is very clearly the favorite child.

This dynamic is just incredibly hard for me my family loves him, my brother his going to be a groomsmen in our wedding. I can't stand feeling judged or disliked for no clear reason. I want to have a close bond with family and this is just the absolute opposite it's actually horrible i just in complete silence around his family i just go for him not because i feel apart of the family or welcome. and i have absolutely no idea how to fix this or come to terms with it.
I also know it's not fair for myself or my finance resentment is going between his family and truthfully i don't even want to be around them at all. I'm losing patience for the entire situation. I can’t and won’t come second to her I am his wife and she is his mother. I have been honest with my fiance about this.

I'm truly at a loss with this entire situation. I would appreciate any advice if anyone has experienced something similar, overall just to connect with people who understand. I have the strangest encounters with my in laws in general but specifically my mil. (I said encounter because we don't have a relationship what so ever.)
A little bit of context my fiancé and I are both 21 and have been together for over 5 years. I'm just going to be honest we did grow up completely differently- morals, environment, communication, maternal, lifestyle pretty much every aspect which is completely okay just giving some back ground.

His mom and I honesty don't even speak, our conversation go as far as hi, bye, and me thanking them for having me. For the first few years I would come around and no one would even speak to me, pretty much just my fiancés shadow like I didn't even exist. The first time I meant them they did even say hi to me, I never once have been around this type of dynamic. I've never been to someone's house and then not even acknowledge or speak to me. I have continuously felt very judged, like her mind has been made up just by looking at me. She is very quiet, some may say shy or very backward. (i'm not trying to be mean I just need the dynamic to be clear bc genuinely I have never experienced something like this and have absolutely no idea how to handle it or expect this as my life.) Truthfully she doesn't talk much but she cry's a lot, there no communication or expressing of feelings aside from just crying but she never fails to be opinionated about it me, there are passive aggressive comments made and have been for years. Behind my back or right in front of my face.

i'll give a couple example- I invited my finace to bring his parents to my graduation party and he asked them to come and they said " i didn't see an invitation" so they didn't come and they said they didn't fit in with my family. which makes me feel judged - they have only ever seen my parents for pictures for events in highschool even to this day and we have been graduated for 3 years and are getting married. At a family event someone told her i was a keeper and she just said " apparently " in this nasty tone and i was right in front of her. another one is my fiance and i were going on vacation for new years with my family this past year and at christmas his uncle asked if we had ever been there before and i said yes and his mom must of thought that questions was so funny she has the strangest look on her face and started laughing it was just so awkward. I could feel the judgment. she is a very quiet person, very socially awkward doesn't like confrontation but has alot to say or quite a few opinions towards me but knows nothing about me.

There does seem to be some control as well i'll give a couple examples but try to keep it short- my fiancé and I went on a weekend get away with him family and she made us sleep on the couch which feels like control to me. we are grown adults and engaged - he stays with me often. I understand some people have some religious preferences but this isn't the case. We also are supposed to be renting to them from a family home and we were supposed to be moved in march- unfortunately that has not gone well. The house hasn't been cleaned out like we planned for- so my fiance and i went over under recently and asked if there is a plan on getting it done and she just busted out crying and her husband asked why and she said that means he is moving out. and I'm sorry but this

isn't new, i wish she could of at-least pretended to be happy for us. but i don't believe she is, he isn't the first child to move out and she did not act like this. lastly his dad asked "your parents really don't care that he stays ?" I said no and he said oh okay i'm just surprised which also felt like judgment but he didn't say anything else. just because they don't except me and my relationship doesn't mean my family doesn't. Idk i truly think she hates me bc " i took her son away" my fiancé is very clearly the favorite child.

This dynamic is just incredibly hard for me my family loves him, my brother his going to be a groomsmen in our wedding. I can't stand feeling judged or disliked for no clear reason. I want to have a close bond with family and this is just the absolute opposite it's actually horrible i just in complete silence around his family i just go for him not because i feel apart of the family or welcome. and i have absolutely no idea how to fix this or come to terms with it.
I also know it's not fair for myself or my finance resentment is going between his family and truthfully i don't even want to be around them at all. I'm losing patience for the entire situation. This can’t be normal i’be never experienced something like this.