u/Firm-Border7248

the first time I was given acid at (18) I was with my ex best friend at the time and her boyfriend I was given the tab and shortly after I found myself laying on a bed all alone but right beside me was them , they where just loving on one another not in a weird way but just stuck laying down so I minded mine but shortly after the trip kicked in and was so intense so so intense , every time I looked up I would see arrows leading me out the hotel we where in, like it wanted me to leave as weird as this sounds the trip wanfed me gone , luckily before it got to bad I texted a dude to come get me I’ve never met thank the lord they where such cool peoples I ended up getting to trip in a arcade and play games , and did end up being safe that night by the grace of god , but back to the story ex best-friends boyfriend got up prior and said she doesn’t wanna be here I kept hearing him mumble moments before he pulls his gun out and starts waving it everywhere which ruined my trip very much so , it was so bad , as I looked into his eyes when he called my name I don’t think I’ve ever seen such evil behind someones eyes I thought I was looking at the devil, after that I ran downstairs which he followed and I left with the dude I mentioned earlier , I always wonder to this day if I wouldn’t have left would I be okay? Was the arrows out the door a sign or no? What do you guys think. :/

It’s honestly hard to talk abt this around other people , because of how this began and when I started feeling like I “noticed everything.” Or felt things around me deeply in a spiritual way yes but also in different ways like I know bad stuff is gonna happen before it does or my body warns me something , I’ve felt this way sense I was last introduced to ketamine is this normal? Now days (19) and I’m completely sober only thing I do is smoke , I recently had an Encounter where I felt like I could just close my eyes and step outside my body and be someone else where maybe my dead friend was or I just felt close to her , I don’t know I don’t wanna feel crazy anymore or maybe it’s the way I cope with her death, even my aunt who passed to her taking her own life , I just wanna know , I’m going to post more about my story hoping a stranger can relate or just help discover what’s going on. I don’t wanna feel like I’m just making myself tweak out so I came to Reddit, what do you guys think?

I honestly think I’m just here to vent about my feelings , I just don’t know how to feel and honestly the internet might look at me just as badly as my family and people do around me irl, but I had an abortion at 17 “now 19.” But now days this shit hits me even harder , not that it didn’t at the time but I was in a bad situation did it alone clueless until I did research & the state helped me , but mind you I have my opinions and at the time I had my reasons but got ate up by guilt , definitely wasn’t forced to do it , but the dude I was with definitely wanted it terminated badly and then left me shortly after , which made grief and my trauma so much worse , am I wrong for feeling sad on Mother’s Day? Even though I did the act, I can’t help but miss this unborn child I seen that never grew.