u/Firm_Bug_7146

Source:

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Over the last year I've started picking up on signals from women who potentially would be interested in getting to know me. It's fun. I'm still a bitch and can't talk to them but it's fun knowing I could (I'm I therapy yada yada)

Yesterday I was at my regular bar for karaoke and I was hanging around leaning on the bottom of the staircase to the first floor. Karaoke was on the ground floor(idk how to explain it better)

This group of women and some guys pull up besides me, they're dancing and having fun. One of these women (attractive) spends 1.5 hours orbiting close to me and bumping into me, stamped my foot twice and then apologized. I know this girl because my friend actually hit on her a few weeks ago and got her Instagram.

A song comes on and the people dancing in the front of the bar are putting their hands on each other's shoulders and swaying. This girl puts her hands on my shoulders and sways. And THEN the light finally goes of in my head...

Now I turn around after the end of the song and thennn I asked if she remembers me because I was with my friend when he hit on her lol. She went blank for a good 10 seconds and then was like "ohh yaa 3 weeks ago." I asked She then says my friend texted her. Apologized and says she's not looking for a relationship, she got out of a 4 year relationship 2 months ago and that my friend was cute though.

She then relocates herself on the opposite side of her group far away from me for the last 30 minutes of the night XD

I'm too skinny for regular tank tops so I am trying out this vest-tank hybrid when it's hot and/or I want to show of my tattoos that I'm very proud of but some girl said I looked like a fuckboy...乁⁠༼⁠☯⁠‿⁠☯⁠✿⁠༽⁠ㄏ Fair or were they tripping?

I in general have been a lil afraid of women and have suffered an ugly duckling type deal where I missed a multitude of signals from women in the past and now I'm 25 and learning to pick up said signals.

More information can be found here : https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/pIxOniwNrE

Another big issue is that I have a baby face and I'm kinda skinny? Not man-on-verge of death skinny but yeah. I have digestive issues which makes it hard to put on weight. Think early Harry Styles?

Now for some reason this particular combination seems to be attractive to much younger women :|

Women my age and older aren't as interested in me

...Or not as interested as the women who are actively signalling enough for me to pick up the hints.

My current "lower limit" is 21....the age range I'm getting attention from is below that. Today my friend and I got approached by a bunch of 18YOs :(

Before that a friend of theirs was kicking me from under the table? Idk if she knew my leg was there but anyways....

They were objectively attractive women but I straight up said that I'm too old for you. This woman said something like "It's legal though" (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

I then asked her to guess how old I was and her first guess was 20 (⁠ ⁠･ั⁠﹏⁠･ั⁠) I corrected her and then she aaaaand her friend left after my friend (23M) tried to talk with her friend and it didn't really go anywhere...

Now the problem is that I am currently still uncomfortable going up to women I don't know and the women around my age aren't coming up to me... Or aren't making it obvious enough that they want me to...

I'm not sure what the "moral" thing is to do here...I know there's the whole power dynamics l and shit but heck I'm more terrified of these women than they are of me ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

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I(25M) would like to preface this by saying I know I have confidence issues and social anxiety. I am in therapy for this but I would also like any advice that you guys can give to break out from this situation.

I have always been a socially anxious person possibly due to my childhood and the environment at home. I tried to shrink myself so that the yelling at home would be at a minimum and unfortunately that's transitioned over into my personality today. I don't want to bother people/talk to people so that they don't get upset at me. It's irrational and again...I'm working on it.

However when I want to meet a potential partner, this is adding a further layer of issues. My friends have always told me that I can't spot a woman flirting to save my life and it's been this way for as long as I can remember :(

Case in point: I looked good yesterday (If I may toot my own horn) and I went to my favourite bar alone yesterday after being ditched by my friends. It was karaoke night and I was vibing to the music alone with a few regulars. This group of women were hanging out in the area and one of them was doing that bumping accidentally thing that women do. A few years ago I would have not even noticed but again I have low self confidence and it was a crowded bar so I discounted it and didn't pay it much attention. I then saw her turn around, look at me and quickly look away when we made eye contact. Again, I discounted it because people do look at each other. She then turned around again, looked at me, held the eye contact and smiled. I smiled back and didn't do anything about it ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ She left like 5 minutes later

I don't know why..... I know it's probably low self confidence combined with my social anxiety..... This was a beautiful woman and I honestly think me being a south asian POC in a majority white country also plays into it because of some of the stereotypes that play into it. I don't want to be the creepy guy. I wouldn't even do anything creepy, I would have just introduced myself and complimented her but in the moment I didn't want to be a creep or bother someone and I know it's not "rational". I've discussed this with my therapist and he's said that "you aren't going to grope someone or say something creepy so why conflate your actions with that of other people"

I know women are just people. I know they are just like me and want connection with other people. Most of my closest friends are women and I don't see them as objects. They are interesting people who enrich my life by their friendship. Why can't I take this same mentality towards a stranger?

But when I see a woman I'm attracted to, my brain just shuts off and I want to avoid interaction unless they initiate it..But most beautiful women are not gonna come up to a random person they don't know because they already get tons of guys who will do that.

Any tips?

Late bloomer (25M) decided to try out Hinge because I am unfortunately too shy to go up to a woman in public because of my social anxiety. I am in therapy for this so yay (small win!).

Matched with this beautiful woman and talked for a week. The only kinda iffy thing was that she was on vacation and wasn't sure when she would be back exactly but she still had to finish uni so I know she IS coming back at some point. So I couldn't really plan a date in person.

Pretty good conversation, she asked questions about me, our humor matched, flirting initiated mostly by her. Moved to whatsapp and she unmatched on hinge(red flag? idk) The last day we talked "properly" she was sending voice notes, talking about how we could learn yoga together since she was doing it often... Anyhooo, the last time we talked, she was off to somewhere and the conversation ended with her not replying to the last message I sent. I felt okay about it because the conversation was reaching a natural end anyways...

I reached out 2 days later and asked if she would be down to do a virtual date over the weekend if she had an hour. She got back to me the same day, about 11 hours later and apologized for ghosting and said her attention was needed elsewhere with a friend and she would get back to me as soon as she could.. I replied with a playful gif and an "Alriggght". She hearted the message and apologized again...

It's been 6 days and I unfortunately have not heard back. I deleted her number like 3 days ago because it was just making me anxious so there is no way to follow up(and even if there was, do I want to follow up with someone who is being flaky and inconsistent from D1? Also if she is actually busy with some important stuff, I feel like following up would just annoy her after she said she would get back)

I know I am not entitled to anyone's time or effort and her friend may actually have needed her attention over something important. Because I can handle rejection, I am a big boy and no one HAS to to anything for me. I just feel a little sad because I would rather she just straight up said she was not interested in meeting up instead of saying she would get back and then ghosting.

I am a loveboy....I want romance... Is this how it is now?

This is not an invitation to bash her or call women names....I am just a little blue and wanted to vent so yeaaah.

Put the fries in the bag time?🥲