Schizoaffective Author (some pictures of the stories I’m working on below :3)
I wasn’t too surprised when I was diagnosed. It was strangely relieving, like I finally had an answer as to why I am the way I am. I don’t really feel that much grief about it. Instead, I was like “Great! How can I capitalize off this?” Because if I’m gonna be like this for the rest of my life, I may as well make a use out of it :3
So I decided to say screw it and start writing the way I’ve always wanted to, but was constantly discouraged from doing. Just pour absolutely everything into it. It started out as a way to cope with paranoia and delusions. I’d write them down and start forming stories around them in order to dissect them and the more I did that, the less scared and anxious I was. It led me back to an idea I had years ago when I was a kid that I pushed aside because I didn’t think I had the skill to tell it the way I envisioned it in my head.
Taking my diagnosis into consideration, I added it as a key component to the overall narrative I’m trying to write. It started off as me playing around with the concept of creating a story where not only is the story aware it’s being read, but actively eating away at the author. The idea is quite literally a terminal illness and spreading inside their head, the author being unable to control it. There’s two stories going on at once; the actual story the author is writing and then what’s happening to the author in “real life”. It’s basically just one giant meta-narrative that I’m trying to make interactive so that the audience feels more engaged in the mystery of what’s happening, along with weaving together a picture of what it feels like from my own experience being schizoaffective.
(Note: Some of the screenshots aren’t in order, so it looks way more jumbled than it actually is :3)
I always gravitated towards horror stories and they make up a great deal of what I like to write. Not only is it a dissection of what I fear, but it allows me to put a face on something I can’t understand and apply rules to it—give it an ending. Does that make sense? I dunno. Other than that, I just wanted to share this because I’m really proud of myself for making it farther in life than I thought possible and giving myself the chance to do something I’ve always wanted to do and brings me joy.
If you took the time to read all this, thanks! I hope you find something that makes you happy and helps you cope <3