u/First_Patient_5667

My mom and stepdad were together since I was 2 and divorced when I was 12. But he has been around ever since. (Im 28 now) hes been apart of birthdays, every gathering, etc. All of the dad things. He's been more involved than my own mom. (She has had alcohol issues since they started having big problems, and her mom died the same time as their divorce. So she's been through it). And although he was around physically for us, (me and my 3 sisters) we haven't ever really had an emotional connection. Never had a talk about anything serious, like boys or life lessons. He did teach us to ride our bikes, would play with us, gives us gifts or money for Christmas, etc. So I want to give him credit for that.

But the relationship he had with my mom was rocky. She would always accuse him of things. And we always thought she was crazy. But he did admit to "checking out" her little sister at the funeral of my baby cousin. (My mom's brothers baby). She says that he and another aunt (her brothers wife) were locked in a room together and when the door opened they looked disheveled. She accused him of giving her roofies. He had a friend that lived with us in the beginning of their marriage. (His son also raped my little sister). And she said she overheard his friend telling my dad about how to use the roofies. Then several years later she went to the hospital and they said she had semen in her rectal area. That was the "last straw" for him and her "accusations" and he ultimately divorced her. I kept thinking that this was why I wasn't close with him. My childhood was so toxic and my mom definitely seemed crazy... but what if she was only crazy because he made her crazy? What if its all true?

After their divorce, my older sister was worried about him roofying her and my little sisters (i didnt go to his house much, i was always with friends). But basically what happened was he had treats for them, muffins or something? And my older sister didnt want hers and offered it to my dad. He took it and she said he "accidentally" dropped it on the floor and the whole thing just made her feel weird like he didnt want to eat it. I think she came home upset about it and told me and my mom. But she kind of brushed the whole thing off and kept going to his house. I think she thought her feelings werent true. Now that she has kids he is very involved in her life as a grandpa.

Anyways, as time has passed by, I have just felt more and more uncomfortable around him. One time around age 16 i was outside dancing with a friend where my mom and her (at the time) boyfriend were also outside. She made a comment "you wouldn't feel comfortable dancing in front of 'insert dad's name' huh? And I was like you know what.. no. As time passed idk I just kept feeling weird around him. Like I dont want to dress in skirts or shorts at family gathering solely because he will be there. And I didn't know why. Hes never been weird to me. He would be the only one to ask for a hug every time and i never want to give him one. He even got offended once when i didnt. Ive always had a inclination about people like this and im always right. But NONE of my 3 sisters feel the same way. Although I haven't mentioned any of these feelings to them or anyone.

My youngest sister is his only biological daughter. And at her baby shower recently I decided to push these feelings aside. I finally told myself, you know, there's no real reason to feel this way. And im just torturing myself at this point. So I decided to put it past me and just be able to have a dad. Or at least try. I almost left without saying bye or giving him a hug and i decided to anyways. When I did he touched the top of my butt. He moved it away immediately but like.. why are you hugging me that low anyways? And why are the hugs always so tight and long? And so since then I feel like my feelings are valid.

But I dont know how to navigate life going forward. I dont want him around. I dont know how to bring this up to anyone. I was thinking of talking to my mom first and then maybe my sisters but I just feel like they will think im crazy and ill be causing drama etc. And im also afraid my mom will spill the beans. She's been known to do that. I've had dreams that I've confronted him about this. But idk I just.. dont want to be around him. My son's birthday is on father's day this year and I dont want to invite him to my house but I also know I will hurt his feeling and especially my youngest sister's feelings. She has mentioned before how I am not close with him and it actually upset her. I just need unbiased opinions if im wrong for feeling uncomfortable? Any advice on how to navigate going forward? He for the most part seems like a good dad. Everyone praises him for being around and not being crazy like my mom. I dont want to blow things out of proportion but.. 😪