u/FitFunction663

Sorry for the long post, but I feel the context is going to be important.

We met at work in January of 2023 (I was 18, he was 21) when I was in a relationship with someone else. We were sort of work friends for about seven months before I ended my relationship with the other individual (no reasons related to my current husband, just was a meh relationship). During this time I was (shamefully) very attracted to my current husband and did enjoy his company as a friend. We genuinely were super close at work and made each other laugh more than anyone I’ve ever met. Around this time, I still lived with my parents and they decided to move halfway across the country to be closer to my grandparents, and I assumed I would just move with them.

About two months after my breakup (I’m now 19) he invited me to go to church with him and I accepted. I was baptized after my first meeting, and my husband and pastor were the ones to do it. I knew in that moment I was falling in love with him. About a month after attending my first meeting, we were coming back from church and he was asking me if I was still planning on moving with my parents, and I hesitated. I said there were now more reasons for me to stay, and he bluntly asked if my feelings for him were one of them. I sort of choked and said yes. I dropped him off at home, and a few minutes later he called me and said he felt the same. We talked it over and decided to take things slow and keep the Lord first in everything, as well as maintain professional boundaries at work.

I ended up having coffee with another girl from church (who was his ex from over two years before we met, I didn’t really feel any jealousy since she was so nice and they broke up so long ago) and I let it slip that him and I were thinking about getting engaged later down the line. She smiled and reacted kindly, and we didn’t really talk about it much more. That following Sunday, our church meeting was centered around marriage and waiting to get married until you had your own walk with the Lord. It was definitely directed at us, and our pastor and his wife spoke to us after quite bluntly about me still being new to the church and how it was not a good idea. My husband is a very hard-working and honest man so of course we listened. On the drive home he explained to me the mistakes he made with his ex and that he at “loved her more than God” which he was deeply ashamed of, and assured me he was long over her.

Fast forward almost two years (I’m 20, he’s 23); we ride to church together every Sunday. I ended up moving into his apartment complex on his recommendation, as I decided to stay in my town after my parents moved. We still work together every day, and hang out pretty much every Saturday as best friends. I cannot understate that we never crossed any sort of line there, even though I was still deeply in love with him. It was honestly to the point that I was even questioning if he still liked me that way, as he sometimes made comments about other attractive women. Still, we had the most amazing friendship ever, and I had a great group of girlfriends in our church.

A few months shy of my two year anniversary of joining the church, we listen to a message from one of the elders in our group; she was describing how she knew when it was time to marry her husband. She said they were driving, and she had to abruptly pull over because she had to tell him “brother ____, I am in love with you and if I don’t tell you now I think I may die.” This message really got to me, as all that pent up love finally felt like it was going to overflow. I cried quietly in the meeting, and on the drive home. Of course he noticed, and was desperately trying to figure out what was wrong but I just couldn’t spit it out, and told him I would talk to our pastor about it first. He’s not stupid so he definitely knew something was up, and kept questioning me over the next week if I had spoken to our pastor yet. I knew it was a wait until Sunday type conversation, so I told him I’d speak to him then.

I did, and did in fact hurl my guts up before I told him I felt like it was time to ask my husband to marry me. Our pastor was delighted, and was happy we waited on our own spiritual walks. We did yard work after church, and I was shaking so badly I almost fainted. On the drive home, my husband guessed what we had talked about and said yes. Now, this is a very important fact; he was not very emotional about it. He was emphatic that he did not want to repeat the same mistakes he made with his ex, so we wrongfully thought we had to remain friends until marriage. Our pastor told us we were allowed to kiss and touch (we were already married in the eyes of the Lord, the ceremony was just a formality/celebration in our eyes), so we did.

Wow. I’ve been kissed before, and this was like a whole new experience. I nearly fainted the first time we kissed, and it did sort of escalate into some hand stuff and feeling up, but we decided to stop since it was getting too much. My husband felt intensely guilty since he didn’t know if that was allowed, so we stopped again until our pastor calmly explained that when we decided to get married, we were married in the Lord’s eyes and that we could now do what married couples do. We decided to wait until the wedding night for actual sex, but we definitely did other things before our wedding night which was honestly nice since I was a virgin, and it would have been WAY too much to go from basically no experience to full on sex in one day. He still felt weird about oral, thinking that because that wasn’t the purpose of the mouth that it wasn’t okay (he’s since come to reason). We did talk about expectations, and I stated that I was in no way a once a week kind of girl, and he seemed thrilled about that. The first time he saw me in my underwear, he literally said “oh my gosh”, which was honestly a major confidence boost.

Our engagement was only a couple months, and I can honestly say they were absolutely amazing. He was previously experienced from worldly relationships, and was absolutely incredible at making me finish, and I quickly learned how to reciprocate. We could not get enough of each other, and it was euphoric finally being able to share our feelings with each other. My mom and dad were so happy for us since they adored him, and my mom flew out to help plan everything. They came out before our wedding and helped move all his things into my apartment, along with almost everybody else at our church. Our wedding was even better; we had a small, intimate backyard wedding at our pastor’s property. Now, I’ve seen some amazing sights and been to nearly all 50 states, but I can honestly say that was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen; the soft fairy lights, the flower petals, the gorgeous sunset, and my best friend at the alter. He sobbed the whole ceremony, which was funny because I’d never seen him cry before except once. Everything really was perfect, and we even had a funny story about someone playing the wrong version of a Michael Bubble song on our first dance.

We only stuck around for about an hour afterwards, and we headed off to a lakeside cabin for our weekend honeymoon. I was so nervous for my first time, but it was amazing, and I was glad we worked up to sex instead of just plunging into the deep end immediately. We did use condoms at first, since we didn’t want kids for a while. Our first time he finished fairly quickly (no sex besides hand stuff from me for over four years) and I actually did finish as well. I had no idea sex would feel that good,

Afterwards is where stuff started. Immediately after he finished, he kissed me and went into the kitchen for food. Now, I know stuff isn’t always Disney and romcoms, but I expected at least some cuddling (which we had discussed early in our engagement) or something. I followed him after a few minutes, and made a joke about taking my virginity and eating pizza. He laughed, and I brushed it off. Our second day, we immediately did it again first thing in the morning, and had a lovely day exploring the seaside town. However, when we got back to the cabin, I tried unsuccessfully to seduce him. He kind of brushed me off, and I was hurt but figured I’d try again later. We went swimming, and took a drive that ended up a talk about what to do when we got back. I brought up sex, and he nonchalantly said that would be less than twenty minutes, to which I asked why he wasn’t all that interested, and he stated it was probably the condom.

We did have sex again later that night, but nothing the next morning despite my efforts. I was quite sad on the drive back, since he wanted to go spend a night at my parents AirBnB (which wouldn’t have privacy for us), to which I reluctantly agreed. I couldn’t understand why he would put that above our literal two day old marriage, but I tried to reason that it was because he wanted to see them more before they left. We had a nice day with them, and a night just cuddling. The day after, he wanted to spend another night with them, but I outright asked him and started kind of crying because he genuinely just didn’t seem that into sex. He made me promise not to question my own image, and that he really did find me attractive like that, it was just the condom. I stayed up late that night doing research, to which I decided to start off with me on top. When we got home later that following day, I tried unsuccessfully to make him finish that way.

A few weeks later, I visited my doctor to get recommendations on birth control. I’d had the IUD before and was dead set against getting another due to the insane pain of the insertion. He fully supported whatever I chose, and made my physical health his top priority. At this point, he was having significant trouble finishing, and I knew this was starting to really affect both his and my self esteem.I (stupidly, seriously please do not do this) decided on the natural cycle tracking method using an app and ovulation strips. We saw significant improvements in his ability to finish, and honestly it felt a lot better for me too due to less friction and irritation. Thankfully the tracking worked for four months, and I had no scares and later switched to the mini pill.

However, he slowly did stop being able to orgasm except in doggy style with my hips propped up on a blanket. This was devastating, as I started to feel like a doll to position. Oral, hand stuff, missionary, me on top, nothing else worked besides this position. He wouldn’t really initiate unless I made a physical advance first, which started to really wear on my body image and made me start to feel depressed. He was 24, I wondered, why the heck did he have an issue finishing with his brand new wife? I’m not exactly an ogre, and he was in good physical shape with no extra weight. We got his testosterone checked, which was higher than average for his age. His diet was good, neither of us drank or smoked, he worked out regularly, never watched porn or masturbated, and was on no medications.

We are ten months married today. I feel hideous and lonely. This has affected other areas of our relationship as I can’t help but cry a little ever time it doesn’t work, and he’s become desensitized to me crying which can come out in coldness and snappiness. We are at the point where he can’t finish unless we are in that position, and he constantly has to adjust and stop or move me, which makes it really hard for me to finish as well. I actually did sort of manage to make him finish on top the other night, which made me so happy I was grinning for days.

Anyways, so sorry for the long rant but it felt good to get it all out. Any advice is welcome.

Tl:dr, husband and I have been married less than a year, he can’t finish except in a certain position with props

Sorry for the long post, but I feel the context is going to be important.

We met at work in January of 2023 (I was 18, he was 21) when I was in a relationship with someone else. We were sort of work friends for about seven months before I ended my relationship with the other individual (no reasons related to my current husband, just was a meh relationship). During this time I was (shamefully) very attracted to my current husband and did enjoy his company as a friend. We genuinely were super close at work and made each other laugh more than anyone I’ve ever met. Around this time, I still lived with my parents and they decided to move halfway across the country to be closer to my grandparents, and I assumed I would just move with them.

About two months after my breakup (I’m now 19) he invited me to go to church with him and I accepted. I was baptized after my first meeting, and my husband and pastor were the ones to do it. I knew in that moment I was falling in love with him. About a month after attending my first meeting, we were coming back from church and he was asking me if I was still planning on moving with my parents, and I hesitated. I said there were now more reasons for me to stay, and he bluntly asked if my feelings for him were one of them. I sort of choked and said yes. I dropped him off at home, and a few minutes later he called me and said he felt the same. We talked it over and decided to take things slow and keep the Lord first in everything, as well as maintain professional boundaries at work.

I ended up having coffee with another girl from church (who was his ex from over two years before we met, I didn’t really feel any jealousy since she was so nice and they broke up so long ago) and I let it slip that him and I were thinking about getting engaged later down the line. She smiled and reacted kindly, and we didn’t really talk about it much more. That following Sunday, our church meeting was centered around marriage and waiting to get married until you had your own walk with the Lord. It was definitely directed at us, and our pastor and his wife spoke to us after quite bluntly about me still being new to the church and how it was not a good idea. My husband is a very hard-working and honest man so of course we listened. On the drive home he explained to me the mistakes he made with his ex and that he at “loved her more than God” which he was deeply ashamed of, and assured me he was long over her.

Fast forward almost two years (I’m 20, he’s 23); we ride to church together every Sunday. I ended up moving into his apartment complex on his recommendation, as I decided to stay in my town after my parents moved. We still work together every day, and hang out pretty much every Saturday as best friends. I cannot understate that we never crossed any sort of line there, even though I was still deeply in love with him. It was honestly to the point that I was even questioning if he still liked me that way, as he sometimes made comments about other attractive women. Still, we had the most amazing friendship ever, and I had a great group of girlfriends in our church.

A few months shy of my two year anniversary of joining the church, we listen to a message from one of the elders in our group; she was describing how she knew when it was time to marry her husband. She said they were driving, and she had to abruptly pull over because she had to tell him “brother ____, I am in love with you and if I don’t tell you now I think I may die.” This message really got to me, as all that pent up love finally felt like it was going to overflow. I cried quietly in the meeting, and on the drive home. Of course he noticed, and was desperately trying to figure out what was wrong but I just couldn’t spit it out, and told him I would talk to our pastor about it first. He’s not stupid so he definitely knew something was up, and kept questioning me over the next week if I had spoken to our pastor yet. I knew it was a wait until Sunday type conversation, so I told him I’d speak to him then.

I did, and did in fact hurl my guts up before I told him I felt like it was time to ask my husband to marry me. Our pastor was delighted, and was happy we waited on our own spiritual walks. We did yard work after church, and I was shaking so badly I almost fainted. On the drive home, my husband guessed what we had talked about and said yes. Now, this is a very important fact; he was not very emotional about it. He was emphatic that he did not want to repeat the same mistakes he made with his ex, so we wrongfully thought we had to remain friends until marriage. Our pastor told us we were allowed to kiss and touch (we were already married in the eyes of the Lord, the ceremony was just a formality/celebration in our eyes), so we did.

Wow. I’ve been kissed before, and this was like a whole new experience. I nearly fainted the first time we kissed, and it did sort of escalate into some hand stuff and feeling up, but we decided to stop since it was getting too much. My husband felt intensely guilty since he didn’t know if that was allowed, so we stopped again until our pastor calmly explained that when we decided to get married, we were married in the Lord’s eyes and that we could now do what married couples do. We decided to wait until the wedding night for actual sex, but we definitely did other things before our wedding night which was honestly nice since I was a virgin, and it would have been WAY too much to go from basically no experience to full on sex in one day. He still felt weird about oral, thinking that because that wasn’t the purpose of the mouth that it wasn’t okay (he’s since come to reason). We did talk about expectations, and I stated that I was in no way a once a week kind of girl, and he seemed thrilled about that. The first time he saw me in my underwear, he literally said “oh my gosh”, which was honestly a major confidence boost.

Our engagement was only a couple months, and I can honestly say they were absolutely amazing. He was previously experienced from worldly relationships, and was absolutely incredible at making me finish, and I quickly learned how to reciprocate. We could not get enough of each other, and it was euphoric finally being able to share our feelings with each other. My mom and dad were so happy for us since they adored him, and my mom flew out to help plan everything. They came out before our wedding and helped move all his things into my apartment, along with almost everybody else at our church. Our wedding was even better; we had a small, intimate backyard wedding at our pastor’s property. Now, I’ve seen some amazing sights and been to nearly all 50 states, but I can honestly say that was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen; the soft fairy lights, the flower petals, the gorgeous sunset, and my best friend at the alter. He sobbed the whole ceremony, which was funny because I’d never seen him cry before except once. Everything really was perfect, and we even had a funny story about someone playing the wrong version of a Michael Bubble song on our first dance.

We only stuck around for about an hour afterwards, and we headed off to a lakeside cabin for our weekend honeymoon. I was so nervous for my first time, but it was amazing, and I was glad we worked up to sex instead of just plunging into the deep end immediately. We did use condoms at first, since we didn’t want kids for a while. Our first time he finished fairly quickly (no sex besides hand stuff from me for over four years) and I actually did finish as well. I had no idea sex would feel that good,

Afterwards is where stuff started. Immediately after he finished, he kissed me and went into the kitchen for food. Now, I know stuff isn’t always Disney and romcoms, but I expected at least some cuddling (which we had discussed early in our engagement) or something. I followed him after a few minutes, and made a joke about taking my virginity and eating pizza. He laughed, and I brushed it off. Our second day, we immediately did it again first thing in the morning, and had a lovely day exploring the seaside town. However, when we got back to the cabin, I tried unsuccessfully to seduce him. He kind of brushed me off, and I was hurt but figured I’d try again later. We went swimming, and took a drive that ended up a talk about what to do when we got back. I brought up sex, and he nonchalantly said that would be less than twenty minutes, to which I asked why he wasn’t all that interested, and he stated it was probably the condom.

We did have sex again later that night, but nothing the next morning despite my efforts. I was quite sad on the drive back, since he wanted to go spend a night at my parents AirBnB (which wouldn’t have privacy for us), to which I reluctantly agreed. I couldn’t understand why he would put that above our literal two day old marriage, but I tried to reason that it was because he wanted to see them more before they left. We had a nice day with them, and a night just cuddling. The day after, he wanted to spend another night with them, but I outright asked him and started kind of crying because he genuinely just didn’t seem that into sex. He made me promise not to question my own image, and that he really did find me attractive like that, it was just the condom. I stayed up late that night doing research, to which I decided to start off with me on top. When we got home later that following day, I tried unsuccessfully to make him finish that way.

A few weeks later, I visited my doctor to get recommendations on birth control. I’d had the IUD before and was dead set against getting another due to the insane pain of the insertion. He fully supported whatever I chose, and made my physical health his top priority. At this point, he was having significant trouble finishing, and I knew this was starting to really affect both his and my self esteem.I (stupidly, seriously please do not do this) decided on the natural cycle tracking method using an app and ovulation strips. We saw significant improvements in his ability to finish, and honestly it felt a lot better for me too due to less friction and irritation. Thankfully the tracking worked for four months, and I had no scares and later switched to the mini pill.

However, he slowly did stop being able to orgasm except in doggy style with my hips propped up on a blanket. This was devastating, as I started to feel like a doll to position. Oral, hand stuff, missionary, me on top, nothing else worked besides this position. He wouldn’t really initiate unless I made a physical advance first, which started to really wear on my body image and made me start to feel depressed. He was 24, I wondered, why the heck did he have an issue finishing with his brand new wife? I’m not exactly an ogre, and he was in good physical shape with no extra weight. We got his testosterone checked, which was higher than average for his age. His diet was good, neither of us drank or smoked, he worked out regularly, never watched porn or masturbated, and was on no medications.

We are ten months married today. I feel hideous and lonely. This has affected other areas of our relationship as I can’t help but cry a little ever time it doesn’t work, and he’s become desensitized to me crying which can come out in coldness and snappiness. We are at the point where he can’t finish unless we are in that position, and he constantly has to adjust and stop or move me, which makes it really hard for me to finish as well. I actually did sort of manage to make him finish on top the other night, which made me so happy I was grinning for days.

Anyways, so sorry for the long rant but it felt good to get it all out. Any advice is welcome.

Tl:dr, husband and I have been married less than a year, he can’t finish except in a certain position with props

Sorry for the long post, but I feel the context is going to be important.

We met at work in January of 2023 (I was 18, he was 21) when I was in a relationship with someone else. We were sort of work friends for about seven months before I ended my relationship with the other individual (no reasons related to my current husband, just was a meh relationship). During this time I was (shamefully) very attracted to my current husband and did enjoy his company as a friend. We genuinely were super close at work and made each other laugh more than anyone I’ve ever met. Around this time, I still lived with my parents and they decided to move halfway across the country to be closer to my grandparents, and I assumed I would just move with them.

About two months after my breakup (I’m now 19) he invited me to go to church with him and I accepted. I was baptized after my first meeting, and my husband and pastor were the ones to do it. I knew in that moment I was falling in love with him. About a month after attending my first meeting, we were coming back from church and he was asking me if I was still planning on moving with my parents, and I hesitated. I said there were now more reasons for me to stay, and he bluntly asked if my feelings for him were one of them. I sort of choked and said yes. I dropped him off at home, and a few minutes later he called me and said he felt the same. We talked it over and decided to take things slow and keep the Lord first in everything, as well as maintain professional boundaries at work.

I ended up having coffee with another girl from church (who was his ex from over two years before we met, I didn’t really feel any jealousy since she was so nice and they broke up so long ago) and I let it slip that him and I were thinking about getting engaged later down the line. She smiled and reacted kindly, and we didn’t really talk about it much more. That following Sunday, our church meeting was centered around marriage and waiting to get married until you had your own walk with the Lord. It was definitely directed at us, and our pastor and his wife spoke to us after quite bluntly about me still being new to the church and how it was not a good idea. My husband is a very hard-working and honest man so of course we listened. On the drive home he explained to me the mistakes he made with his ex and that he at “loved her more than God” which he was deeply ashamed of, and assured me he was long over her.

Fast forward almost two years (I’m 20, he’s 23); we ride to church together every Sunday. I ended up moving into his apartment complex on his recommendation, as I decided to stay in my town after my parents moved. We still work together every day, and hang out pretty much every Saturday as best friends. I cannot understate that we never crossed any sort of line there, even though I was still deeply in love with him. It was honestly to the point that I was even questioning if he still liked me that way, as he sometimes made comments about other attractive women. Still, we had the most amazing friendship ever, and I had a great group of girlfriends in our church.

A few months shy of my two year anniversary of joining the church, we listen to a message from one of the elders in our group; she was describing how she knew when it was time to marry her husband. She said they were driving, and she had to abruptly pull over because she had to tell him “brother \_\_\_\_, I am in love with you and if I don’t tell you now I think I may die.” This message really got to me, as all that pent up love finally felt like it was going to overflow. I cried quietly in the meeting, and on the drive home. Of course he noticed, and was desperately trying to figure out what was wrong but I just couldn’t spit it out, and told him I would talk to our pastor about it first. He’s not stupid so he definitely knew something was up, and kept questioning me over the next week if I had spoken to our pastor yet. I knew it was a wait until Sunday type conversation, so I told him I’d speak to him then.

I did, and did in fact hurl my guts up before I told him I felt like it was time to ask my husband to marry me. Our pastor was delighted, and was happy we waited on our own spiritual walks. We did yard work after church, and I was shaking so badly I almost fainted. On the drive home, my husband guessed what we had talked about and said yes. Now, this is a very important fact; he was not very emotional about it. He was emphatic that he did not want to repeat the same mistakes he made with his ex, so we wrongfully thought we had to remain friends until marriage. Our pastor told us we were allowed to kiss and touch (we were already married in the eyes of the Lord, the ceremony was just a formality/celebration in our eyes), so we did.

Wow. I’ve been kissed before, and this was like a whole new experience. I nearly fainted the first time we kissed, and it did sort of escalate into some hand stuff and feeling up, but we decided to stop since it was getting too much. My husband felt intensely guilty since he didn’t know if that was allowed, so we stopped again until our pastor calmly explained that when we decided to get married, we were married in the Lord’s eyes and that we could now do what married couples do. We decided to wait until the wedding night for actual sex, but we definitely did other things before our wedding night which was honestly nice since I was a virgin, and it would have been WAY too much to go from basically no experience to full on sex in one day. He still felt weird about oral, thinking that because that wasn’t the purpose of the mouth that it wasn’t okay (he’s since come to reason). We did talk about expectations, and I stated that I was in no way a once a week kind of girl, and he seemed thrilled about that. The first time he saw me in my underwear, he literally said “oh my gosh”, which was honestly a major confidence boost.

Our engagement was only a couple months, and I can honestly say they were absolutely amazing. He was previously experienced from worldly relationships, and was absolutely incredible at making me finish, and I quickly learned how to reciprocate. We could not get enough of each other, and it was euphoric finally being able to share our feelings with each other. My mom and dad were so happy for us since they adored him, and my mom flew out to help plan everything. They came out before our wedding and helped move all his things into my apartment, along with almost everybody else at our church. Our wedding was even better; we had a small, intimate backyard wedding at our pastor’s property. Now, I’ve seen some amazing sights and been to nearly all 50 states, but I can honestly say that was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen; the soft fairy lights, the flower petals, the gorgeous sunset, and my best friend at the alter. He sobbed the whole ceremony, which was funny because I’d never seen him cry before except once. Everything really was perfect, and we even had a funny story about someone playing the wrong version of a Michael Bubble song on our first dance.

We only stuck around for about an hour afterwards, and we headed off to a lakeside cabin for our weekend honeymoon. I was so nervous for my first time, but it was amazing, and I was glad we worked up to sex instead of just plunging into the deep end immediately. We did use condoms at first, since we didn’t want kids for a while. Our first time he finished fairly quickly (no sex besides hand stuff from me for over four years) and I actually did finish as well. I had no idea sex would feel that good,

Afterwards is where stuff started. Immediately after he finished, he kissed me and went into the kitchen for food. Now, I know stuff isn’t always Disney and romcoms, but I expected at least some cuddling (which we had discussed early in our engagement) or something. I followed him after a few minutes, and made a joke about taking my virginity and eating pizza. He laughed, and I brushed it off. Our second day, we immediately did it again first thing in the morning, and had a lovely day exploring the seaside town. However, when we got back to the cabin, I tried unsuccessfully to seduce him. He kind of brushed me off, and I was hurt but figured I’d try again later. We went swimming, and took a drive that ended up a talk about what to do when we got back. I brought up sex, and he nonchalantly said that would be less than twenty minutes, to which I asked why he wasn’t all that interested, and he stated it was probably the condom.

We did have sex again later that night, but nothing the next morning despite my efforts. I was quite sad on the drive back, since he wanted to go spend a night at my parents AirBnB (which wouldn’t have privacy for us), to which I reluctantly agreed. I couldn’t understand why he would put that above our literal two day old marriage, but I tried to reason that it was because he wanted to see them more before they left. We had a nice day with them, and a night just cuddling. The day after, he wanted to spend another night with them, but I outright asked him and started kind of crying because he genuinely just didn’t seem that into sex. He made me promise not to question my own image, and that he really did find me attractive like that, it was just the condom. I stayed up late that night doing research, to which I decided to start off with me on top. When we got home later that following day, I tried unsuccessfully to make him finish that way.

A few weeks later, I visited my doctor to get recommendations on birth control. I’d had the IUD before and was dead set against getting another due to the insane pain of the insertion. He fully supported whatever I chose, and made my physical health his top priority. At this point, he was having significant trouble finishing, and I knew this was starting to really affect both his and my self esteem.I (stupidly, seriously please do not do this) decided on the natural cycle tracking method using an app and ovulation strips. We saw significant improvements in his ability to finish, and honestly it felt a lot better for me too due to less friction and irritation. Thankfully the tracking worked for four months, and I had no scares and later switched to the mini pill.

However, he slowly did stop being able to orgasm except in doggy style with my hips propped up on a blanket. This was devastating, as I started to feel like a doll to position. Oral, hand stuff, missionary, me on top, nothing else worked besides this position. He wouldn’t really initiate unless I made a physical advance first, which started to really wear on my body image and made me start to feel depressed. He was 24, I wondered, why the heck did he have an issue finishing with his brand new wife? I’m not exactly an ogre, and he was in good physical shape with no extra weight. We got his testosterone checked, which was higher than average for his age. His diet was good, neither of us drank or smoked, he worked out regularly, never watched porn or masturbated, and was on no medications.

We are ten months married today. I feel hideous and lonely. This has affected other areas of our relationship as I can’t help but cry a little ever time it doesn’t work, and he’s become desensitized to me crying which can come out in coldness and snappiness. We are at the point where he can’t finish unless we are in that position, and he constantly has to adjust and stop or move me, which makes it really hard for me to finish as well. I actually did sort of manage to make him finish on top the other night, which made me so happy I was grinning for days.

Anyways, so sorry for the long rant but it felt good to get it all out. Any advice is welcome.

Tl:dr, husband and I have been married less than a year, he can’t finish except in a certain position with props

Sorry for the long post, but I feel the context is going to be important.

We met at work in January of 2023 (I was 18, he was 21) when I was in a relationship with someone else. We were sort of work friends for about seven months before I ended my relationship with the other individual (no reasons related to my current husband, just was a meh relationship). During this time I was (shamefully) very attracted to my current husband and did enjoy his company as a friend. We genuinely were super close at work and made each other laugh more than anyone I’ve ever met. Around this time, I still lived with my parents and they decided to move halfway across the country to be closer to my grandparents, and I assumed I would just move with them.

About two months after my breakup (I’m now 19) he invited me to go to church with him and I accepted. I was baptized after my first meeting, and my husband and pastor were the ones to do it. I knew in that moment I was falling in love with him. About a month after attending my first meeting, we were coming back from church and he was asking me if I was still planning on moving with my parents, and I hesitated. I said there were now more reasons for me to stay, and he bluntly asked if my feelings for him were one of them. I sort of choked and said yes. I dropped him off at home, and a few minutes later he called me and said he felt the same. We talked it over and decided to take things slow and keep the Lord first in everything, as well as maintain professional boundaries at work.

I ended up having coffee with another girl from church (who was his ex from over two years before we met, I didn’t really feel any jealousy since she was so nice and they broke up so long ago) and I let it slip that him and I were thinking about getting engaged later down the line. She smiled and reacted kindly, and we didn’t really talk about it much more. That following Sunday, our church meeting was centered around marriage and waiting to get married until you had your own walk with the Lord. It was definitely directed at us, and our pastor and his wife spoke to us after quite bluntly about me still being new to the church and how it was not a good idea. My husband is a very hard-working and honest man so of course we listened. On the drive home he explained to me the mistakes he made with his ex and that he at “loved her more than God” which he was deeply ashamed of, and assured me he was long over her.

Fast forward almost two years (I’m 20, he’s 23); we ride to church together every Sunday. I ended up moving into his apartment complex on his recommendation, as I decided to stay in my town after my parents moved. We still work together every day, and hang out pretty much every Saturday as best friends. I cannot understate that we never crossed any sort of line there, even though I was still deeply in love with him. It was honestly to the point that I was even questioning if he still liked me that way, as he sometimes made comments about other attractive women. Still, we had the most amazing friendship ever, and I had a great group of girlfriends in our church.

A few months shy of my two year anniversary of joining the church, we listen to a message from one of the elders in our group; she was describing how she knew when it was time to marry her husband. She said they were driving, and she had to abruptly pull over because she had to tell him “brother \_\_\_\_, I am in love with you and if I don’t tell you now I think I may die.” This message really got to me, as all that pent up love finally felt like it was going to overflow. I cried quietly in the meeting, and on the drive home. Of course he noticed, and was desperately trying to figure out what was wrong but I just couldn’t spit it out, and told him I would talk to our pastor about it first. He’s not stupid so he definitely knew something was up, and kept questioning me over the next week if I had spoken to our pastor yet. I knew it was a wait until Sunday type conversation, so I told him I’d speak to him then.

I did, and did in fact hurl my guts up before I told him I felt like it was time to ask my husband to marry me. Our pastor was delighted, and was happy we waited on our own spiritual walks. We did yard work after church, and I was shaking so badly I almost fainted. On the drive home, my husband guessed what we had talked about and said yes. Now, this is a very important fact; he was not very emotional about it. He was emphatic that he did not want to repeat the same mistakes he made with his ex, so we wrongfully thought we had to remain friends until marriage. Our pastor told us we were allowed to kiss and touch (we were already married in the eyes of the Lord, the ceremony was just a formality/celebration in our eyes), so we did.

Wow. I’ve been kissed before, and this was like a whole new experience. I nearly fainted the first time we kissed, and it did sort of escalate into some hand stuff and feeling up, but we decided to stop since it was getting too much. My husband felt intensely guilty since he didn’t know if that was allowed, so we stopped again until our pastor calmly explained that when we decided to get married, we were married in the Lord’s eyes and that we could now do what married couples do. We decided to wait until the wedding night for actual sex, but we definitely did other things before our wedding night which was honestly nice since I was a virgin, and it would have been WAY too much to go from basically no experience to full on sex in one day. He still felt weird about oral, thinking that because that wasn’t the purpose of the mouth that it wasn’t okay (he’s since come to reason). We did talk about expectations, and I stated that I was in no way a once a week kind of girl, and he seemed thrilled about that. The first time he saw me in my underwear, he literally said “oh my gosh”, which was honestly a major confidence boost.

Our engagement was only a couple months, and I can honestly say they were absolutely amazing. He was previously experienced from worldly relationships, and was absolutely incredible at making me finish, and I quickly learned how to reciprocate. We could not get enough of each other, and it was euphoric finally being able to share our feelings with each other. My mom and dad were so happy for us since they adored him, and my mom flew out to help plan everything. They came out before our wedding and helped move all his things into my apartment, along with almost everybody else at our church. Our wedding was even better; we had a small, intimate backyard wedding at our pastor’s property. Now, I’ve seen some amazing sights and been to nearly all 50 states, but I can honestly say that was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen; the soft fairy lights, the flower petals, the gorgeous sunset, and my best friend at the alter. He sobbed the whole ceremony, which was funny because I’d never seen him cry before except once. Everything really was perfect, and we even had a funny story about someone playing the wrong version of a Michael Bubble song on our first dance.

We only stuck around for about an hour afterwards, and we headed off to a lakeside cabin for our weekend honeymoon. I was so nervous for my first time, but it was amazing, and I was glad we worked up to sex instead of just plunging into the deep end immediately. We did use condoms at first, since we didn’t want kids for a while. Our first time he finished fairly quickly (no sex besides hand stuff from me for over four years) and I actually did finish as well. I had no idea sex would feel that good,

Afterwards is where stuff started. Immediately after he finished, he kissed me and went into the kitchen for food. Now, I know stuff isn’t always Disney and romcoms, but I expected at least some cuddling (which we had discussed early in our engagement) or something. I followed him after a few minutes, and made a joke about taking my virginity and eating pizza. He laughed, and I brushed it off. Our second day, we immediately did it again first thing in the morning, and had a lovely day exploring the seaside town. However, when we got back to the cabin, I tried unsuccessfully to seduce him. He kind of brushed me off, and I was hurt but figured I’d try again later. We went swimming, and took a drive that ended up a talk about what to do when we got back. I brought up sex, and he nonchalantly said that would be less than twenty minutes, to which I asked why he wasn’t all that interested, and he stated it was probably the condom.

We did have sex again later that night, but nothing the next morning despite my efforts. I was quite sad on the drive back, since he wanted to go spend a night at my parents AirBnB (which wouldn’t have privacy for us), to which I reluctantly agreed. I couldn’t understand why he would put that above our literal two day old marriage, but I tried to reason that it was because he wanted to see them more before they left. We had a nice day with them, and a night just cuddling. The day after, he wanted to spend another night with them, but I outright asked him and started kind of crying because he genuinely just didn’t seem that into sex. He made me promise not to question my own image, and that he really did find me attractive like that, it was just the condom. I stayed up late that night doing research, to which I decided to start off with me on top. When we got home later that following day, I tried unsuccessfully to make him finish that way.

A few weeks later, I visited my doctor to get recommendations on birth control. I’d had the IUD before and was dead set against getting another due to the insane pain of the insertion. He fully supported whatever I chose, and made my physical health his top priority. At this point, he was having significant trouble finishing, and I knew this was starting to really affect both his and my self esteem.I (stupidly, seriously please do not do this) decided on the natural cycle tracking method using an app and ovulation strips. We saw significant improvements in his ability to finish, and honestly it felt a lot better for me too due to less friction and irritation. Thankfully the tracking worked for four months, and I had no scares and later switched to the mini pill.

However, he slowly did stop being able to orgasm except in doggy style with my hips propped up on a blanket. This was devastating, as I started to feel like a doll to position. Oral, hand stuff, missionary, me on top, nothing else worked besides this position. He wouldn’t really initiate unless I made a physical advance first, which started to really wear on my body image and made me start to feel depressed. He was 24, I wondered, why the heck did he have an issue finishing with his brand new wife? I’m not exactly an ogre, and he was in good physical shape with no extra weight. We got his testosterone checked, which was higher than average for his age. His diet was good, neither of us drank or smoked, he worked out regularly, never watched porn or masturbated, and was on no medications.

We are ten months married today. I feel hideous and lonely. This has affected other areas of our relationship as I can’t help but cry a little ever time it doesn’t work, and he’s become desensitized to me crying which can come out in coldness and snappiness. We are at the point where he can’t finish unless we are in that position, and he constantly has to adjust and stop or move me, which makes it really hard for me to finish as well. I actually did sort of manage to make him finish on top the other night, which made me so happy I was grinning for days.

Anyways, so sorry for the long rant but it felt good to get it all out. Any advice is welcome.

Tl:dr, husband and I have been married less than a year, he can’t finish except in a certain position with props