u/Fit_Caterpillar_1711

So Currently cap rounds are going and I've been allotted some Nearby college, In round 2 , Didn't got allotted in round 1. Idk what I was thinking but I set my number one prefrence to that college it is not as good but there were better options. So For three days I was thinking we could apply for betterment, I didn't even knew my seat was on auto freeze. I didn't knew anything sorry. So, All day today for three days ee visited colleges and stuff and my father also looked for colleges. But today, At night, When I sat down to finally fill that betterment form I finally got to know I didn't have allotted my seat is Auto Frozen And this Pissed off my Father Mother, My grandmother (nani) (We five live together). They all started blaming me Throwing heir frustration at me and I just sit there listening to them for about an hour until finally they stop saying We will admit here But there also Said very bad things like "tu mar jayega firbhi fark nahi padta" "Aur karli Hoshiyari M word ", Etc. They all were really angry then, after that I went to Our gallery to jump off from it I was really sure I can do it finally, After everything, I had this planned for a while that I will. But I just cried and cried a lot Not facing them. And When my mother saw it she Took me in the room and Talked with me what Happened, She blamed me that I should've Known, I cried a lot and Broke down not able to say anything And just blaming myself or apologising them for everything and finally that, That I've been depressed lately, since almost 5 years now since lockdown due to so and so stuff, Like, my parents arguments/fights always , Jee, Cet, Boards ,etc. and that's why I am not able to think straight I started saying that they don't vare and it's pointless, In anything I just wanted tot take a drop now to prove that I can redeem. But They refused like always with any of my decisions. I even Apologised to her, that I don't like this, I don't like Hating them. I don't like Saying bad things to them back. But then suddenly my Grandmother came in before saying anything else, and I left I requested her to not tell this to my father. They both don't care. But after sometime she did said this to my father. That I've been feeling so and so And thinking of suicide and stuff. and My father got very angry and started shouting that I should goto his village and Learn how those are living in such poor condition and I'm here can't even do anything properly. Also gave me two three gaali. And then Left, Also tried to attack me But I stopped it. They made me delete all my games and other things which were distraction. And Now I'm thinking I should've just jumped back then, This was really bad mistake to tell her something she just blamed me instead. and Yes it was my fault. Idk, What I'm even doing.

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Fuck this stressful ass life, I don't want high salary and

shit, I will live a mast low cortisol life for 4 years

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I have got low marks in JEE and now don't take a drop, one more year.

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AMA I guess?