Just finished kafka on the shore. I am feeling a lot of things words cant explain. All i want to say is that this is the book i will most probably read again at some later point in my life.
Books really are so powerful. Maybe i like this book too much because in a way i am like kafka tamura am at a phase where everything is uncertain and starting new stuff dont kn where life will take me.
I want to come out of the fucking closet so badly but everyone is homophobic my own family siblings are homophobic. I want to be free I WANT TO BE FREE DATE OPENLY. I see straight couples all around. I wish i was born in a more friendly country. I dont want to hide i dont want to lie that oh i dont have a boyfriend when i clearly have no intrest in boys.
I hate it that i will never experience the normal relationship experiences....whenever i like i girl i have this questionaire i have to answer..
Is she homophobic? Open minded? Gay? Maybe bi? Is her family open minded?
even before the only imp question which is does she like me back.
I cant even shoot my shot cuz at worst i will be bullied to death i guess so i dont even try that much. Thank god my first love which i confessed was to my best friend she was pretty supportive.
But i hate the society....I HATE ITTTTT 💔💔💔💔💔💔 I want to cry💔 i want out of this god forsaken place💔
I have read a lot about amity on internet and all horrible things. I had some family problems and complicated stuff that the only uni my father adviced was amity and mo other choice. And what i have read on the net scared me. Can anyone please give me some courage.
My qualifications 12th pass
Please help me how is amity uni for bsc biotech i am in pinch and have to get admission soon my parents are talking about amity since its close to my home. My plan is to pursue mba further.
How are the opportunities in this college. I have heard a lot of negative feedback on amity but considering if a person is willing to work hard and avoid the bad crowd how much the scope of opportunities in this uni. Please help
My qualifications 12th pass 3 year drop
So for context i am 20 year old and i have a younger sister who is in 7th grade and older brother. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family with a step mother who always seemed to have some kind of problem with me for whatever reason. All my childhood my mother only worked towards making things difficult for me father was not any good either he had extreme anger issues and took it out on everyone. For my entire life i was made to feel like a problem that every single problem that happen in this family was because of me.
My sister who is in 7th grade now get everything and gets everything done for her. By everything i dont mean some luxurious things( which she gets btw like if she wants something useless she would get it ) but basic things when i was her age :
1.my parents would fight constantly, screaming shit like they fight because of me.
All these fight results in my step mother no cooking any food for me so i will go hungry to school without a lunchbox she was so weird she would cook for my older brother but then nothing for me.
She never washed my school uniform and other clothes and i have to wash them myself and if i forget, i have to wear the dirty uniform to school, she never did my hair so i had to somehow do it myself which i mostly did wrong. She never washed my lunch box which many days i myself sometime forget to wash it and in the morning i would remember that shit my lunch box is not washed but there would be no time since i am going to be late for the bus. A lot of my childhood i remember crying and doing my basic things in however good way a kid can do.
I spend most of my childhood eating two time a day (that is if i am lucky) or eating something right out of fridge like 2 days old daal and some vegetables or anything edible, one time it was night time and i didnt get any dinner i couldnt sleep because of hinger so intried eating paper once (whivh was pretty stupid 😂 dont recommend) AND ITS NOT LIKE WE WERE POOR WE HAD FOOD but she would never let me or my brother eat it. If there is a packet of biscuit in the house she would hide it and it will get expire and she would throw it away.
My father will bring fruits or some sweets or anything. Her procedure would be.....she will hide half of whatever it is and then the half that is left it will be divided into all members INCLUDING HER WHICH IS FUCKING STUPID CUZ SHE ALREADY HID HALF OF WHATEVER IT IS. Then she will as always put the name on me that i ate everything when my father would ask where did all the fruits go or sweets go in two days
Now the thing is all these things that happened to me when i was a kid. My sister on the other hand dont have to experience any of this she is in 7th grade and she gets her lunchbox washed, uniform washed, her all basic needs are met. She eats like 6 times a day and all warm and on the spot cooked food like my mother will cook food for her 6 times.
I dont want to hold any grudge against my sister cuz she is a kid but deep down it hurts like hell watching her get everything that i wanted. Just basic human decency. My sister is oblivious to everything she is like the fav child of this house. She lives peacefully. She dont need to sleep hungry. She dont cry herself to sleep most of the nights. She genuinely like my parents. My father also talks to her calmly.
Sorry this was a long post but all this is eating at my head as i am writing this my mother is washing my sister's school uniform.
P.S : My step mother is my sister's biological mother. Me and my brother are from other woman
Edit 1: My father mainly focuses on my brother and my step mother is busy with my sister so i am just kind of left in the middle