u/Flaky_Artichoke1995

Ok so I don’t even know where to start with this but I’ll try.
I’m 30, I’m a city engineer in San Francisco. I have a partner (we met in college) and we have a 4 year old adopted son who is nonverbal and autistic. We just bought our first house this year which was always our dream since we got together.
My mom has always kind of treated me like I’m the worst person alive. Growing up she’d talk shit about me to other family members, told me my depression as a kid was just me wanting attention, and she blamed me for my parents divorce. Said I was the reason my dad left.
She cut me off from my dad during the divorce btw. We rebuilt that relationship ourselves over the years. He loves our son and calls every week. That part is good.
Anyway. My mom calls me constantly, sometimes multiple times a day and I always answer. She’ll randomly call to ask if I got fired even though I’ve had literally 2 jobs my whole career. During the election she kept calling to tell me my generation are communists. I work for the city. Didn’t mention that.
I kept trying because I wanted like an actual adult relationship with her now that I’m 30. I thought maybe things could be different.
When we bought the house I offered to fly her out, uber, whatever she needed. She said no. She’s never really accepted that our son is her grandchild. Has weird feelings about adoption she’s never hidden.
So I flew US to Colorado for my birthday instead. Still trying to make it work.
Big mistake.
At dinner she just… went off. Called me garbage. Pathetic. Said I have no real friends. That I’m a narcissist and bipolar. That my childhood depression was for attention. That I was the reason my dad left.
Then she said if I was ever accused of murder she’d believe it.
Then she said it wasn’t safe for my son to be around me. Looked at my partner and said she doesn’t understand how California let people like us adopt.
She said all this in front of my 4 year old. Who was sitting right there. Who is nonverbal and can’t tell us what he understood or how he felt about it.
Then she said I should move back to her house. Which I’m not allowed to live in. She just wanted me to ask so she could say no I think.
Then. THEN. She brings up Kanye West. Says he’s bipolar and bought his mom a house. Implying I should do the same. My mom btw has never worked a day in her life, lived off family money after my dad left, has a retirement fund and owns two houses.
She told the son she just called garbage to buy her a house like Kanye.
I grabbed my son and left with my partner.
Now my extended family is saying I’m being dramatic and that I’m keeping her grandchild from her. The grandchild she won’t visit. In the house she wouldn’t come see. The kid she just said wasn’t safe around me.
My dad (the one she said I drove away) calls every week to check on our boy.
She has two houses. We just bought our first.
My partner grew up getting physically abused. He’s worked really hard to deal with that and break the cycle.
I always thought I was fine because I was never hit and I had an allowance and a place to live. I just figured I was probably not a very lovable person and that’s why she was always like this with me.
I’m 30 and I’m just now starting to wonder if that’s true. Starting to wonder why I was so depressed as a kid.
I genuinely don’t know what to do with any of this.

Ok so I don’t even know where to start with this but I’ll try.
I’m 30, I’m a city engineer in San Francisco. I have a partner (we met in college) and we have a 4 year old adopted son who is nonverbal and autistic. We just bought our first house this year which was always our dream since we got together.
My mom has always kind of treated me like I’m the worst person alive. Growing up she’d talk shit about me to other family members, told me my depression as a kid was just me wanting attention, and she blamed me for my parents divorce. Said I was the reason my dad left.
She cut me off from my dad during the divorce btw. We rebuilt that relationship ourselves over the years. He loves our son and calls every week. That part is good.
Anyway. My mom calls me constantly, sometimes multiple times a day and I always answer. She’ll randomly call to ask if I got fired even though I’ve had literally 2 jobs my whole career. During the election she kept calling to tell me my generation are communists. I work for the city. Didn’t mention that.
I kept trying because I wanted like an actual adult relationship with her now that I’m 30. I thought maybe things could be different.
When we bought the house I offered to fly her out, uber, whatever she needed. She said no. She’s never really accepted that our son is her grandchild. Has weird feelings about adoption she’s never hidden.
So I flew US to Colorado for my birthday instead. Still trying to make it work.
Big mistake.
At dinner she just… went off. Called me garbage. Pathetic. Said I have no real friends. That I’m a narcissist and bipolar. That my childhood depression was for attention. That I was the reason my dad left.
Then she said if I was ever accused of murder she’d believe it.
Then she said it wasn’t safe for my son to be around me. Looked at my partner and said she doesn’t understand how California let people like us adopt.
She said all this in front of my 4 year old. Who was sitting right there. Who is nonverbal and can’t tell us what he understood or how he felt about it.
Then she said I should move back to her house. Which I’m not allowed to live in. She just wanted me to ask so she could say no I think.
Then. THEN. She brings up Kanye West. Says he’s bipolar and bought his mom a house. Implying I should do the same. My mom btw has never worked a day in her life, lived off family money after my dad left, has a retirement fund and owns two houses.
She told the son she just called garbage to buy her a house like Kanye.
I grabbed my son and left with my partner.
Now my extended family is saying I’m being dramatic and that I’m keeping her grandchild from her. The grandchild she won’t visit. In the house she wouldn’t come see. The kid she just said wasn’t safe around me.
My dad (the one she said I drove away) calls every week to check on our boy.
She has two houses. We just bought our first.
My partner grew up getting physically abused. He’s worked really hard to deal with that and break the cycle.
I always thought I was fine because I was never hit and I had an allowance and a place to live. I just figured I was probably not a very lovable person and that’s why she was always like this with me.
I’m 30 and I’m just now starting to wonder if that’s true. Starting to wonder why I was so depressed as a kid.
I genuinely don’t know what to do with any of this.

Ok so I don’t even know where to start with this but I’ll try.
I’m 30, I’m a city engineer in San Francisco. I have a partner (we met in college) and we have a 4 year old adopted son who is nonverbal and autistic. We just bought our first house this year which was always our dream since we got together.
My mom has always kind of treated me like I’m the worst person alive. Growing up she’d talk shit about me to other family members, told me my depression as a kid was just me wanting attention, and she blamed me for my parents divorce. Said I was the reason my dad left.
She cut me off from my dad during the divorce btw. We rebuilt that relationship ourselves over the years. He loves our son and calls every week. That part is good.
Anyway. My mom calls me constantly, sometimes multiple times a day and I always answer. She’ll randomly call to ask if I got fired even though I’ve had literally 2 jobs my whole career. During the election she kept calling to tell me my generation are communists. I work for the city. Didn’t mention that.
I kept trying because I wanted like an actual adult relationship with her now that I’m 30. I thought maybe things could be different.
When we bought the house I offered to fly her out, uber, whatever she needed. She said no. She’s never really accepted that our son is her grandchild. Has weird feelings about adoption she’s never hidden.
So I flew US to Colorado for my birthday instead. Still trying to make it work.
Big mistake.
At dinner she just… went off. Called me garbage. Pathetic. Said I have no real friends. That I’m a narcissist and bipolar. That my childhood depression was for attention. That I was the reason my dad left.
Then she said if I was ever accused of murder she’d believe it.
Then she said it wasn’t safe for my son to be around me. Looked at my partner and said she doesn’t understand how California let people like us adopt.
She said all this in front of my 4 year old. Who was sitting right there. Who is nonverbal and can’t tell us what he understood or how he felt about it.
Then she said I should move back to her house. Which I’m not allowed to live in. She just wanted me to ask so she could say no I think.
Then. THEN. She brings up Kanye West. Says he’s bipolar and bought his mom a house. Implying I should do the same. My mom btw has never worked a day in her life, lived off family money after my dad left, has a retirement fund and owns two houses.
She told the son she just called garbage to buy her a house like Kanye.
I grabbed my son and left with my partner.
Now my extended family is saying I’m being dramatic and that I’m keeping her grandchild from her. The grandchild she won’t visit. In the house she wouldn’t come see. The kid she just said wasn’t safe around me.
My dad (the one she said I drove away) calls every week to check on our boy and regularly sends our son checks to help pay for his therapy, medication, etc.
She has two houses. We just bought our first.
My partner grew up getting physically abused. He’s worked really hard to deal with that and break the cycle.
I always thought I was fine because I was never hit and I had an allowance and a place to live. I just figured I was probably not a very lovable person and that’s why she was always like this with me.
I’m 30 and I’m just now starting to wonder if that’s true. Starting to wonder why I was so depressed as a kid.
I genuinely don’t know what to do with any of this.