u/Flexperience21

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about five months. And things are amazing. She ended a 7-year relationship about a year ago. According to her, one of the main reasons she left was because he wasn’t mentally well. She stayed in there for way too long cause she didn’t dare to leave. I recently found out she still texts him because he threatens to commit suicide if she cuts contact, so I genuinely understand why she feels guilty and responsible.

The problem is that his behavior has escalated. He’s threatened her, shown up at her place and dragged her across the street, and has now started messaging me too.

He keeps making new Instagram accounts after I block him and tries to provoke me into responding. Since he’s hurt her and insulted me it’s really hard to refrain from responding or meeting and beating him up.

She still replies to his messages because she’s afraid of what he’ll do if she stops. And he usually gets more calm when she engages with him. She’s also told him about me, which is how he found my Instagram.

We already notified the police but they said they can’t do anything yet about it. I understand why she feels conflicted, but I also feel that every reply keeps him involved in our lives. I’ve reached the point where I told her that if she continues texting him, I don’t think I can continue the relationship. Not because I want to control her, but because I don’t want to be in a relationship where a threatening ex is still part of it.
Am I being unreasonable for making this a boundary? How to communicate this?

I’ve been dating a woman for about 4 months.

One of the things I liked most in the beginning was that she reciprocated a lot. If I called, she’d call. If I planned dates, she’d sometimes plan dates. She would show initiative sexually and generally seemed engaged and proactive.

Over the last month or so, that has changed. She always questioned my true interest, but we’ve been more certain now and that’s when she changed. She still happily sees me, is affectionate, cooks for me, asks a lot of questions, and never turns down plans. But I feel like I’m carrying almost all of the initiative now. She doesn’t initiate dates, never calls me first. And feels pressured / shamed during sex. Doesn’t take initiative in anything anymore, like blowjobs, touching etc. And it’s making me feel less desired.

One reason I haven’t made things official yet is because I like to see how someone behaves once more certainty and comfort enter the picture. People often change after the early dating phase, and I want to know who they are outside of the initial excitement.

Normally, if I notice a dynamic that doesn’t work for me, I slowly lose interest and move on. But in this case I’d rather communicate it and see if we can grow through it.

How would you bring this up without sounding blaming, critical, or like you’re pressuring someone to change? Has anyone successfully had a conversation like this?

I’m trying to understand something.

I’ve been dating a woman for 4 months. She seems genuinely into me in almost every way:
- Never canceled a date
- Always enthusiastically says yes when I ask her out
- Loves spending time together
- Wants sex frequently
- Asks a lot of questions about my past, my thoughts, my future, and who I am as a person
- Shares a lot about her own life
- Seems affectionate and engaged when we’re together

But there’s one thing that keeps bothering me.
She rarely initiates anymore.
During the first few months she initiated dates quite a bit. Around month 3, her date planning stopped. I started to video call her around that time when we weren’t together.

Since then, I’ve kept a steady rhythm of calling, planning dates, and checking in. She always responds positively and seems happy I reached out, but she never calls me first and never suggests meeting up herself or asks about my plans anymore.

As a man, part of me feels like if a woman really likes you, she’ll naturally want to reach out and make things happen too.

Women: have you ever genuinely liked a guy and still behaved this way? If so, why?

Am I putting too much weight on initiation, or is it usually a reliable indicator of interest?

Dating a girl for about 4 months. Things are going great.

We made a bet on a soccer match. And we agreed that the loser owes the winner one wish. I won.

Ive got some great ideas. But i honestly don’t want to let this great possibility slide.

Any good suggestions? Looking for something playful, confident, and a little flirty.

I’ve been dating a woman for about 4 months.

At this point, we pretty much act like a couple already. We see each other around 3 times a week, stay over at each other’s places, go on actual dates, cuddle, call each other, talk about our days, support each other, and have a very affectionate and intimate connection.

We haven’t officially introduced each other to friends or family yet, and technically we never had a conversation where we agreed to be exclusive. But we have talked about it, and we’re both the type of people who would be honest if we were seeing someone else. So for all practical purposes, we’re acting as if we’re exclusive.

The thing is, I feel like I should have asked her to be my girlfriend a long time ago.

In the first couple of months there were actually more conversations about relationships, kids, the future, what we wanted in a partner, etc. Lately, we’ve drifted into a comfortable routine. We still have meaningful conversations about family, insecurities, personal stuff, and life in general, but we talk much less about “us” as a relationship.

What’s making this difficult is that asking her now almost feels bigger than it would have felt months ago. It’s like the longer we’ve gone without defining it, the harder it has become to bring up.

Part of me thinks she’d probably say yes. She’s asked questions before like “Who do you think likes who more?” and “What’s your relationship plan?” so I don’t think she’s against commitment.

But another part of me feels like we’ve settled into this comfortable boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic without ever actually saying it out loud, and now bringing it up almost feels awkward because we’ve gone so long without doing it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m curious if other people experience this in dating/relationships.

I’ve been dating this girl for 3 months and we’ve already been on 21 dates, so we’re very close in real life. When we’re together, I feel deeply connected to her. I miss her when we’re apart and think about her a lot. We live 1 mile apart and we see each other 3 times a week, which are usually 8 - 15 hour dates

But I never feel the urge to text or call her.

It’s not because I don’t care. I just don’t really feel comfortable expressing myself digitally. I connect much more through presence, energy, touch, shared experiences, joking around, doing things together, etc.

Even in real life I’m a pretty quiet person. Not shy or introverted. I’m actually very curious and social. I just don’t naturally talk unless there’s something to say. I’m much more action/presence-oriented than verbal.

Over text or calls I just feel so disconnected, and often too much texting makes me feel less connected instead of more.

In my recent relationships / dating experiences the girl always texted and called me a lot because she wanted to, and then I would just tag along. But this girl is very adaptive. At first she wanted to text more, but now she adapted to my style and is fine with it. So part of me feels relieved, but another part also feels off.

Is this normal, or does this sound emotionally avoidant?

Been dating a girl for around 3 months now and I genuinely can’t tell if this is a compatibility issue or just a weird dynamic that slowly settles over time.

The pattern of our dates is always the same:

I pick her up at her place, we go somewhere (dinner, drinks, walk, lunch, whatever), and at first the sparks are there immediately. We’re excited to see each other, physical tension is strong, lots of eye contact, teasing, affection etc.

But as the date goes on, it often turns… awkward? Quiet? Not bad necessarily, just kind of flat. Like we suddenly become too aware of each other. Like we don’t even know each other. Sometimes conversation flows naturally, but honestly most of the time it becomes stop-and-go with a lot of silence.

Then we go back to hers, have sex, and afterwards everything suddenly feels easy again. We cuddle, talk for hours in bed, open up emotionally, talk about family, fears, relationships, life, random deep stuff. Those moments actually feel very intimate and real.

Sometimes I stay the night and the mornings are usually the best part. Very calm, connected, natural. We’ll run together, get coffee or lunch, and somehow things feel effortless again.

But then the cycle repeats the next date.

Another thing: we barely text or call. Usually just a quick check-in a few times a week. We never call. But we do see each other 3-4 times a week. So a lot of the emotional connection seems to happen almost entirely in person, and especially after intimacy.

What confuses me is: despite these awkward moments, we keep wanting to see each other. We always end up sleeping together. Neither of us is pulling away. There’s definitely attraction and emotional connection there.

So now I’m wondering:
- is this actually a compatibility issue?
- are we maybe relying too much on physical intimacy to feel connected?
- or could it genuinely just be language/culture barriers?

We both speak English together even though it’s not the native language for either of us, and sometimes I feel like both of us struggle expressing ourselves fully in English. There’s also a cultural difference involved.

Has anyone experienced something similar where the chemistry was very real, but the actual dates themselves were strangely inconsistent?

Is it normal that after 15 dates, two months of dating, lots of sex, the texting will flatten out? In the beginning, we used to text about some funny things, checking in, sharing about our day. Usually once a day or every other day contact. We saw each other once a week. I was a little cold over text and said I was pretty bad at texting, but this was mainly just because I wasn’t invested that much yet.

Now we see each other 2-3 a week, but our texting has changed to be really logistically and unemotional. Just: Hey. Come over. Or hey, let’s grab lunch. We never call.

I don’t really need more reassurance, and I’m fine with it being this way. But because this is our dynamic, she went on a 5 day trip last week and we basically had almost no contact. That felt a little off to me, we both miss each other at least someway obviously.

Is this normal. Do more people have experienced this? Or is this just a sign that we’re not very connected emotionally yet? It sometimes feels that because of this we’re getting a little more distant and that doesn’t sit right with me.

Maybe I should take the lead? Check in sometimes? Start to call her? But I don’t want to seem like I need reassurance, I’m perfectly fine. But at least a little bit more emotional contact between our dates seems appropriate to me in the stage that we’re in. And healthy to move things forward and stay connected.