Usually everything HR says is a lie I've found but are salary caps real as in they would literally have to say bye to the employee if they left for more money? Can the employee negotiate their bonus instead?
I am 31F earning $110k as a paralegal.
I have always been a cut throat negotiator and when firms say I am overpaid or they have no budget they always seem to magically come through for me. I typically ask for 15 to 20k increase.
The job market in my industry and city are at a standstill. Firms aren't laying off anyone, but I've noticed they don't replace any positions once people leave in the last two years. My firm itself is known for being the most toxic law firm in the city. 8 people have left and been sporadically replaced in my department during my 18 months here so far (firm is poorly managed). They either pay under market if they can intimidate you i.e. 42k or over 100k+ if they are desperate or you negotiate. I have caught wind that a coworker may be quitting soon and it is busy season. The firm has expressed I am the only one lawyers trust with complex work and they typically will tell their clients and accountants to delay deals to wait a month for me to get to their file rather than delegate the work to my other coworkers who are doing nothing.
I am very content and happy with my salary. My firm's initial offer letter said my salary would be open for increase when I signed. However, when annual raises came HR advised I am overpaid and also my salary is capped so they would give me a 3k bonus (so $113k total comp) instead.
I am now undergoing a separation and will need to face paying rent and a mortgage plus double the bills. I could make it work but yeah some extra cash would be nice.
Should I wait for January to ask for a 5k bonus instead of 3k (maybe they give me a bigger bonus this upcoming year as last year I was not even one year year the firm) or should I say I want to earn 115k going forward this year? I was thinking of proposing it to the lawyer who likes me and has the most pull a few days prior to my coworker submitting her resignation so that then they feel they need to keep me lol or would they terminate me after busy season? It's only 5k so it's harmless. However are bonuses negotiable? Should I just STFU and be content given the economy?
I DO NOT EXPECT RESOLUTION. Please read below.
I (31F) only realized two days ago since I left my 12 year relationship 2 weeks ago that it was emotionally abusive. He is 34M. The EA escalated and changed to more serious in May this year and has been daily. Our previous years it's been sporadic and nothing I really thought was an recurring issue.
At this point the person I loved, trusted and knew is gone. While I have an amazing support group with my own friends and mutual along with my parents, I am okay if they all turned on me if he made it so. My peace is my priority. There is no emotional tie or love for him on my end.
That being said, I have no clue what separating our properties is going to be like. I am lucky to make enough money to move out, pay rent, and half our mortgage. However, I don't want him knowing I am moving out because he could delay selling our properties knowing I am tied up financially and will eventually be forced to reconcile. My parents are also worried once he realizes I am serious about separation he will want to be shady with our finances. I also think our friends are not liking who he is becoming or how treated me. I feel he will retaliate against me.
So for I have told all our friends to solely support and comfort him and not worry about me. I am hoping he can then not say I turned his friends against him later or anything negative. I also said I was open to repairing our marriage in couple's therapy while I live at my parents. This is a lie. I hate this man. I want nothing to do with him. However, I am hoping some olive branch will keep his kindness on display. My parents told me there's nothing predictable or trustworthy about him so I should just get a lawyer to sort our stuff.
I am hoping after the first couples session at which point I will say I am drained and if he wants to work on our marriage he can take initiative and book the next session next month and feel free to see other women and process and make a decision. I require empathy and death of his ego to move forward. (I know he would never last more than two weeks without sex, and he cannot be alone with his thoughts for more than a half a day so no way he will work on marriage). I will then wait till November to tell him I want our properties sold it will start the process whether good or bad and can go from there to determine lawyer, etc.
I plan on remaining neutral and quiet in the therapy session. I won't respond to his pleas of innocence, how he is under a lot of stress and loves me so deeply and is ashamed, etc. My parents are picking me up immediately after therapy so he has no chance to be alone with me.
This is horrific of me to say, especially in this community but I honestly hope he meets someone else so he will be more receptive to cutting ties with me and getting on with his life.
What are your thoughts ladies? Anyone somewhat peacefully navigated this?
I love my (31F) partner (33M). We dated a total of 10 years and married for 1. In the 11 years together I have felt we have both grown. We are equally horrible communicators and hot tempered. We feel emotions big time. I have done therapy, read and watched relationship podcasts, taken medication, tried every form of communication known to man, asked him for input...it works for a few months but then we blow up again. It's always with me being pushed to the brink of mentally snapping.
My logic for staying with my husband has been I myself am no walk in the park and how can I expect him to be perfect when I am still a work in progress. Not to mention he treats our friends and our families the same way but obviously to a substianlly lesser degree.
Yet after a new blow up last night (for the first time its him being pushed to the brink by his work) I feel like I am the only one really fighting for this relationship and loving him. He said he is alone and he has constant unsupport from me for the last ten years. I let it go the first time he said it to me a few weeks ago because I know he is stressed with work and I have said dumb shit too for 11 years do he can absolutely say something in a moment of anger. He never apologized and says the same thing again yesterday. Keep in mind this is after I just showed up for him three times this week in ways that our whole friend group said I was crazy for and he agreed he was lucky to have me as a wife. I've remained calm the last few months and let him scream non stop and process his feelings about his work but now he's taking it out on me, yelling about our friends, screaming about his grandma and mom for checking in with him, screaming at the government for taking his money (he didn't pay our property tax on time and is mad they charged us interest), screaming that he won't get paid at work when his client happens to be his college best friend who literally has brought up negotiating and compensation with him...
I feel like this whole year he has not taken any accountability for his actions or steps to improve any problems he is facing. I remained calm and supportive never once saying this because I know he is stressed with work and it's supposed to be easy breezy after but the last five years have been downhill rapidly for him. I snapped yesterday and told him all these problems he has are all resulting from his lack to have blunt, honest, respectful conversations with everyone in his life and also set boundaries where needed in his life to protect his mental health.
He has not apologized for anything and it's clear he believes he is in the right for his behavior and actions. I have apologized, I remained calm, when he went full rage I simply just started laughing because it as so ridiculous in the way he is contradicting himself. He has completely lost the plot but doesn't see it which makes me want to stay because he will snap out of it at the same time he really hasn't taken accountability or apologized and treats me and those around him with constant disdain....is this a permanent thing?!