Looking for referrals for male dog trainers in the region. We need some help with retraining at home. No offense to ladies, but the trainer needs to be a man for the messaging to land to the owner.
Looking for recommendations for a trauma based therapist in the region, preferable takes insurance.
It's the middle of the night and I'm turning to internet strangers because I haven't slept well in the past few nights. This is very long, I had a lot to write down, I don't know who I trust to tell all this too.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, I'm 45 and he's 50. We have slowly become roommates. I absolutely adore this man in every way and I know he cares deeply for me. It has been several years since he was not able to perform, he takes cialis and sometimes we make out and the magic happens and most of the time it didn't and I feel rejected.
I lurked on one of these forums a few years ago because I didn't know what I was doing wrong...I thought it was me. I've never been turned down for sex before...multiple times. I came across a post from a gentleman that explained why he remained in a deadbedroom because the needs in every other part of the relationship were being met....and it resonated with me.
My husbands checks ALL the other boxes, I practically get it all except for this tiny physical intimacy. So, I made a compromise and moved on. I don't nag, I don't question, I take what I can get and give what he wants and I'm mostly content with it. The only time it really stings is when I go to the Dr and they demand a pregnancy test and want to charge me $100 for it. LOL
I don't know the exact year, perhaps 7-8 now that we had sex maybe 1-2 every few months, now it's 1-2 times a year. We have become empty nesters and we rescued two pets. The pets sleep in our bed. I left the bedroom 3 years ago because I wasn't getting any sleep with the two pets. I was miserable and grouchy from being so tired. I asked him to reach out to animal trainers to help them stay off the bed, however he told me plainly he really likes them on the bed and doesn't want to change. So we sleep in separate beds now, each with a pet. The only time we have even cuddle time is when we go on vacation and most of the time we had sex! This past year, we've been on vacation twice and slept in 2 separate beds. No sex and no making out, in 2 weeks it will be a year without physical intimacy. And I've not expressed my frustration once. He takes the cialis pill bottle with him on every trip.
My husband is self employed and is a member of this and he's a member of that. He volunteers with various organizations, he supports small businesses and other entrepreneurs. I work from home and do not have the social battery he does. We did agree that I would attend 1-2 events per month, I'm included in all the circles. I've met everyone and they all respect him and always want me to join more often. We are two very independent people and we have mutual trust and respect. I've never not doubted him, I will call him out on his shit and he will definitely call me out on mine.
but something's changed. I noticed something several weeks ago, but it was small and I don't even know how to describe it. I ignored it. It wasn't loud enough.
Four weeks ago I was prepping for a 2 week trip to see family and friends back home, the day I left he tells me about his friend that was just beat up by her husband the night before and he's really upset and concerned and told me he offered our home to be a safe space. I told him what she needs to do is contact the police and go to the woman's shelter as they have the resources to keep her safe. He did mention that she initially declined because then her husband will get jealous and think something is going on between them. I really don't know who he was talking about specifically, he has a lot of acquaintances. I kissed him farewell and left for my trip. That day he went on a long hike by himself and shared his location with me...later that day he said it was his longest ever and he was so pent up and mad about what happened to his friend and he considered going over and giving the guy a piece of his mind. I still don't know who these people are that he is referring to, I asked him if she went to the police yet and go the women's shelter. He said she can't go to the police or shelter because it will cause issues with her visa?! She's staying with a mutual friend and she's safe. The next day he asks me if it's ok if his friend stays at our house, she needs a place to stay and I let her use your desk while you're away. He did ask me if some person I've never met can stay in our home. I said yes, that's ok. I don't even know this persons name, he only refers to her as his friend. He's never done this...every single person has a name whether I've met them or not. She left the day before I returned home.
Last week we found out one of our pets has a terminal illness. We are devastated because this pet is still young and we will have to make hard decisions on the next steps. Every time he got emotional he walks away from me and won't allow me to console him.
Saturday we went to the movie theater and there was a certain scene that made me jump and I screamed in reaction. According to him I screamed too loud and hurt his hear, the look of contempt on his face. He was annoyed with me for being startled. I've never seen that look before.
This past Sunday, I went to give him something while he was on the computer and changed his screen really quickly and mumbled a quick explanation. I didn't even look at his computer until after he said something. This was I noticed a couple of times a few weeks ago, the noise just got louder. About an hour or so later he said he was leaving to run errands and asked what time he needed to be home by for supper. He left without giving me a goodbye kiss. I was standing right there. I had a rotten feeling in my gut.
A few times on Sundays he has ran errands and come back with a chain restaurant cup. I went to his computer to see if I can look at it, and of course it's locked. I never read his messages, I never attempt to read his messages. I really wanted to read them at that moment. So I did what any irrational person would do and got in my car and drove to every single one of those chain restaurants in the area to find out. He wasn't at any of them. I went back home.
He came home in plenty of time for supper and gave me a kiss, he smelled like a bath and body works body spray and I commented on the scent and he said he just drank ginger ale. I did not sleep at all that night. I started searching social media to find out what I'm missing and I found the friends name and her spouse. Nothing else. I did not get any sleep that night. I've never had this rotten feeling before.
I've been thinking about this non stop and looking for signs that I missed. Today (Wednesday) we had a celebratory dinner and out for dessert, we had a really wonderful evening and I was feeling normal. As we pulled into our driveway, he said he was dropping me off because a friend of his had something for him to pickup and he'll be back in a half hour. My gut felt rotten again, because why didn't we just go together since we were out of the house already? That's the normal thing to do. He did come back when he said he did and brought back a gift with a card. He didn't hide the card, it was the 'friend'
I've told no one any of this. There is not a soul that knows that our sex life is non existent, that we sleep in separate rooms and I have this weird feeling that my husband is having or about to have an affair.
And that is what has been keeping me up at night. Do I ignore this and pretend that I'm starting to not trust him? Do I look for more proof first? Do I need to consult a lawyer? Do I ask him if he's having an affair? I'm so scared of the answer, and I don't know what scares me more if the answer is Yes or the answer is No.