u/Former_Appointment39

I’ve phoned 111 but they haven’t got back to me yet and the GPs are closed today because it’s a weekend. A few weeks ago I noticed when I was showered I felt something hard on my stomach but now it’s extremely obvious and I can feel multiple of them. My stomach is bloated and swollen and it’s really painful - they’re painful to the touch but also I’ve been getting period cramps despite my period having ended a week ago.
My boyfriend is at work today so I’m alone and overthinking it, and it’s really painful. Does anyone have any advice? I’m just waiting to hear back and I’m kind of terrified

He told me he’d stopped looking at porn but I feel it in my gut almost. (He’s lied about it twice before)
I begged him to tell me the truth and he said he promises me he’s stopped. But lately when we look at instagram reels on his phone together there’s more OF creators that come up. One was a video of a woman in her underwear with the caption “am I your type?” Another one was an OF creator simulating oral sex with one of her “haters”. This morning one came up of an OF creator saying “when they tell me to stop posting so much ass and feet on my OF but my name is (blank) so it’s okay”. Every time something like this comes up he scrolls quickly past and says he doesn’t know why he’s still getting this stuff and instagram is just pushing it because he’s a man and it’s an algorithm problem.
Is this true? It’s so triggering to see and I’m starting to just hate OF and any mention of it.

I feel guilty for writing this because I know he loves me and he does surprise me with flowers occasionally but it’s the everyday stuff that bothers me. When he’s ill, I cook for him. Last time I was ill I was so dizzy and nauseous I couldn’t stand up and he said “let’s go get you some food - no actually it’s simple enough, I think you can figure it out” and I thought he was joking and was going to come and help me but when we went downstairs he went straight to play games and left me to it.
I got sad and said I thought he was being nice and he called me ridiculous and said I was crying because I had to “make my own food” which wasn’t the reason at all, it was because I thought he was going to do something sweet and then he just acted like he didn’t care.

When we go out for coffee, we usually do our own orders or if he pays, I send over what I owe him. A lot of the time I’ll offer to pay for him and tell him not to bother sending me anything because it’s like £3. Very occasionally he will offer to pay - on our anniversary he bought me a coffee because I was crying.
The reason I was crying was because his brother had planned a lovely surprise to ask the girl he was seeing out officially - it was a treasure hunt that led to the florists where there was a big bouquet waiting for her. (When we started dating officially there were no more planned dates or dinners or flowers and there were many times I almost broke up with him because I would cry and beg for some romance). This made me sad thinking of how easy it could have been but I chose to stay with someone who wasn’t romantic because I do really love him.
Anyway, I hinted to him that I would love a surprise like that and he said “oh no I couldn’t, you’d just get lost.”
On our one year anniversary dinner, again we split the bill. We split everything. We split takeaways, we split dinner ingredients even if I’m cooking, and when I had to pick up milk from the gas station and forgot my card I sent him £2 for that. I don’t want to seem spoiled because I don’t want him to always pay. But I do wish he would surprise me with flowers and a nice dinner date. We had a date to the cinema planned recently to see a movie we’ve been excited for and he invited his friends without asking me first.

A couple months ago I was at my house having the worst panic attack of my life, I was uncontrollably sobbing and couldn’t breathe and I begged him to come over because we both had a free day. He said he didn’t feel like driving. (He lives about 15 minutes away)

This morning I was in bed with cramps after he’d already got up and I hadn’t slept at all last night. He got up and made breakfast for himself and ate alone whereas when he’s not feeling well I always ask if he wants anything or I’ll just bring him something anyway. Hell the other night he was too tired to brush his teeth so I brought his toothbrush and a mug of water so he could do it in bed and I put his favourite show on for him to go to sleep.

Obviously he’s lovely in other ways but it’s the basic stuff I wish was reciprocated.

In a student house (4 people) and as part of the cleaning checklist the landlord sent for moving out, we are supposed to mow and trim the lawn, weed it etc. He said that anything we miss off the checklist our deposit will be withheld.
But the thing is, when we moved in, it was already overgrown and had clearly been neglected for years - there were weeds everywhere, the grass was up to our calves and there was litter presumably from the previous tenants strewn about everywhere.
There was no gardening equipment or trimmers or mowers provided with the house, or a shed, and we are students so we would have to either buy a mower or hire a gardener at our own expense.
Is this something we legally have to do? If we didn’t, would it not still count as leaving it how it was when we moved in, considering the house and garden had not been cleaned at all? This seems unfair but I’m not sure we have a leg to stand on here and maybe we should just do it

six months into our relationship when we were apart, he casually told me over the phone that he’d been jerking off to women’s nudes on reddit. i got really upset about this bc id sent him my own nudes for his personal use while i was away and he said he wouldn’t do it again, but that he had a porn addiction since he was 14.
then a few months later i noticed he was acting a bit more distant and not initiating sex/turning me down so i asked him if he’d been looking again and he said no. i started crying and begged him to just tell me even if it hurt me and he eventually told me the truth and said yes. i asked why i wasnt enough and he said when he’s jerking off he thinks of me but needs something “visual” to help him finish, but apparently when he’s fucking jerking it to random fucking women on reddit like a degenerate he’s not fantasising about them, he’s “thinking about me”. i asked him why not use my nudes? he said it felt weird and he hadn’t thought of it. again he promised he wouldn’t do it again.

after he told me about the subreddits he looked at, i looked myself to see what i wasn’t giving him that they were. it was just regular everyday women, not porn stars, and that hurt the most. he said he mostly looked at mature women. i’m 21. that hasn’t left me tbh, i find myself wishing i were older because maybe id keep him entertained and fulfilled that way and maybe im just too childish. the subreddit was filled of closeup nudes of random people, closeups of assholes, closeups of boobs and vaginas, and the comment sections were filled with pervy pathetic old men commenting “Gorgeous😍😍👅👅”. i think i saw my future in those comment sections. it made me feel so sick and disturbed.

he told me he looked at pictures on reddit instead of porn because he knows it’s consensual and that they’re of age here. what a feminist!!! wow i should praise him for that!! what would really be feminist is not jerking it to subreddits filled of women’s bodies posted like commodities with hundreds of men sexualising them. and what would be even MORE feminist would be respecting his girlfriend.

a few months after THAT, he was acting distant again so i broke and asked to look at his reddit history. i never looked through his phone without permission and i never would, but i needed to see his reddit for myself. he looked really guilty and asked why i needed to see and i said because i can’t trust what he tells me anymore and im constantly wondering. he showed me and lo and behold, he’d searched a famous porn star’s name. i asked why and he said “to check if the age restriction laws worked”. yeah no shit they work they’re enforced by the uk government they don’t need your tech support.

since then he said he’s completely stopped, although he’s been tempted. but lately our sex life has dropped and he’s turning me down a lot more/not initiating. either being snappy with me or super over the top affectionate which i wish i could sincerely reciprocate now but can’t. as i’m writing right now, he’s having a “shower” where he’s spent 30 minutes just flushing the toilet twice and no movement. NOW the shower is on. last night we had sex and he couldn’t finish. i have a feeling he’s started again but ill never know because i refuse to look through his phone because for some reason i still have a respect for him that he doesn’t have for me. it’s really awful. we’ve been together for over a year and i feel emotionless at this point. i can’t even get in the mood because im wondering who he’s really thinking about. when he says he loves me i say it back out of habit because i don’t believe it anymore. i look at our other couple friends and wonder if the women in our group are as disrespected as i am or if their boyfriends are good men and im putting up with this for no reason.
i feel zero passion anymore. i don’t even feel jealous, i just feel vindicated and broken down. i’ll never know if he’s stopped. i just wish i could still think that he would never do that to me

just signed a tenancy and already my landlord is a mad tyrant who doesn’t even want extension leads in the home and made a rule that we have to unplug every plug socket when not in use and stuff like that. (i am in a private student houseshare)
but i’m a lonely gal and i miss having animals around. i used to have two rats who i loved so much but they sadly passed two years ago.
anyway the tenancy says no pets without written consent and with the new renters rights act in the uk, landlords need to have a valid reason to say no.
so in the semi-unlikely chance he would say yes to certain pets, which ones would be the least disruptive? i don’t earn enough for a fancy setup like a reptile tank or anything, or a large aquarium but in the case of fish i could do up to about 25 litre tank.
the landlord would definitely not want rats in the house (stigma).
a bird is out of the question, it would be too noisy.
in terms of space, i would be able to fit a tank or a reasonably sized cage or possibly a hutch outside? (i’m uneducated on rabbits and guinea pigs so feel free to correct me if this isn’t a suitable enclosure for them)
for cost, i could do up to £400 upfront but due to the rent being pricey, monthly vet bills for anything exotic could get tight. i remember my rats vet bills being quite expensive, not sure if i could pay that now im at uni. regular monthly costs such as supplies, food, toys etc i could definitely do and i have plenty of free time outside of lectures to spend time with the pet.
i’ve been considering a betta fish possibly, or mice? (mouse? are they social or solitary?)
open to any suggestions or advice!! thank you and sorry for the long post

i just hyperfocused for five hours straight on a painting and wouldn’t let myself make food or pee until i was finished so as soon as i was finished i got hit with a wave of dizziness and remembered i hadn’t eaten today. so i went downstairs to make toast and my bf came with me and as i was opening a tin some of it started spilling on the counter and i didnt realise because i was so out of it, and he snapped at me and said “stop doing that!” and came over.
i started crying and apologised and said i didn’t notice it spilling because i was so dazed and he wouldn’t even look at me he was so annoyed. i ended up just putting the food stuff back because i felt too guilty to eat lol (my emotional regulation is all over the place) and couldn’t stop crying bc i felt so bad. my bf said my reaction was disproportionate and i was being ridiculous, acting like he’d hit me, that if anyone saw me they’d think he was abusive.
i wish i could just be neurotypical. i feel like such a joke sometimes, i KNOW my reaction was disproportionate and i understand why he was annoyed because im annoyed with myself, but smh let me be sad! i didn’t start a fight, i just needed a coffee and a bit of a cry. my adhd meds cannot come soon enough

bit of a random question but i’m renting a room in a student houseshare and im planning on keeping a small cheap coffee machine on a desk in my room so i can avoid social interactions with my housemates in the kitchen lol. but the lease this year seems a lot stricter. for example, strict rules on overnight guests, only allowed to hang our clothes where landlord says we can, no extension leads allowed, no tv or radio between 10pm and 7am and also every plug socket we’re not currently using we have to leave unplugged and turned off.
i’m wondering if a coffee machine would be against the rules because this landlord seems a bit uptight but im too worried to ask him incase i get on his bad side already, so im asking here. can the landlord legally enforce this rule if he’s against it? i dont see how it could be a fire hazard considering ill leave it unplugged when not in use

on-campus student accommodation was pricey in itself at around 200 a week, but it seems like no one talks about how parasitic and greedy it is to overcharge students (who are notoriously poor) for basic living arrangements. i’ve gone from on-campus to private student housing which is supposed to be cheaper but has gone up so much.

my houseshare is £730 a month for ONE BEDROOM. IN A SMALL HOUSE THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT WORTH £1860 TOTAL. the house i was in before was absolutely awful, had mould the landlord hadn’t told us about, the garden was a mess with junk left from previous tenants, the back window was broken, the front door was flimsy and kept shutting us in, the bath was mouldy, i had a random block of concrete by my bed and a gas metre in my bedroom cupboard, and a LOT of other issues i can’t even list here. the landlord was getting £2500 a month for this. this cannot be allowed. with bills, my new house is £730 each MINIMUM. it could be more some months. i genuinely cannot afford this anymore. i can just about pay the rent but cant afford food, art supplies for my degree, or the bus to commute to campus. i can’t see why this isn’t regulated, and why there isn’t a cap to how much they can charge for these absolute dungeons

porn stars are one thing, or onlyfans stars. there’s a weird unattainable fantasy type thing there. but mine was looking at regular older women who were just casually posting their nudes on nsfw subreddits. it felt so much more like cheating. these are women you could have run into at the supermarket and you’ve been looking at them fucking naked when you have a girlfriend who’s sent you pictures to use. and he says he’s been tempted again lately but hasn’t looked. am i supposed to give him a fucking medal? you shouldn’t even be tempted if you’re in a relationship. why aren’t i good enough? i can’t get over it. i’m trying to forgive him but every time i remember it just crushes my heart

been with my partner for a year and a bit. about six months in i found out he’d been looking at nude pictures of women on reddit instead of pictures i’d sent him for personal use. he then revealed he had a porn addiction and relapsed a few times after that but since then as far as i know, he’s stopped. (i’m not sure about this because the first few times he lied about it until i asked for honesty even if it would upset me. it took until i was in tears and begging for the truth before he told me)

the thing that gets me about this is that the women looked nothing like me. they were older/mature women and i’m in my early 20s, as is he. i asked why and he said because they were more natural looking than porn stars. but i sent him pictures of myself to use when we were apart… and he still chose other women instead. i’ve had jealousy issues since then and he asks why i can’t trust him. i don’t know why i can’t move on. i always wonder if he’s going to relapse again and if i’ll even know about it. am i even his type if he was going out of his way to look at older women instead of me?
when i see attractive older women i can’t appreciate their beauty anymore, i just question if he’s attracted to them and if he will relapse. he has a coworker who’s recently joined who is about ten years older and he talks about her a lot as if she annoys him, but he calls her by a nickname. i wish i could move on and not be this awful, jealous person. i just wonder if i should leave this relationship because i dont see myself ever not being suspicious of him and its not fair to him.