u/FreckledWreck

I’m a Washington resident, military spouse living in the UK with our son.

We came here because of my husband’s military assignment. He left our marriage and moved in with a local girl, while our son and I’ve been left here trying to figure out how to get home.

I have no independent UK visa. Just the SOFA accompaniment. My ability to stay is tied to his status as “visiting military”. If that ends, I can’t stay here or continue working/renting.

At the same time, I can’t afford to get myself, the kid, our belongings and our two large dogs back to the United States without the military’s resources. I’m trying to get an Early Return of Dependents, but getting our dogs home isn’t on the agenda.

The divorce itself may take six months or longer. I could stay legally married for another year or two, while already being treated by the military like I don’t exist anymore. I can’t even get a PO Box here for US mail.

My husband continues receiving his military pay and overseas benefits while providing very limited support to us. He hasn’t spoken to either of us since he left.

I’ve been asking his command for help for months.
I’m not asking the military to fix my marriage. I’m just asking for help getting the family it brought overseas back to the US before I lose the legal ability to remain here.
**I can’t stay here without military status, and I can’t get home whole without military assistance.**
I need to know what options exist for a dependent left in this position.

Things I have tried - writing to the commander, the wing commander, chaplains, the shirts, the key spouse, Red Cross, Family Advocacy, our state representatives, dogs on deployment and the embassy.

I’m not a victim, I’m just dealing with some shitty circumstances. My husband is in special operations and about to retire here … so I feel like a lot of the blocks I’m dealing with are because of that. The AF spent a lot of money on him, and I’m not welcome anymore. Ex wives are always crazy.
I do want to leave, he can have the British girlfriend. I just want to leave with what I brought here. That’s what an ERD is supposed to do?

Edit to add - if you suggest leaving the dogs behind, please don’t bother. I’ve heard it, and it’s not gonna happen. That’s really shitty.
If you’re gonna be mean get it out of your system … but it won’t make you feel better and I can’t feel worse :)

I’m a Washington resident, military spouse, and mom living in the UK with my teenage son.

We came here because of my husband’s military assignment. He left our marriage and moved in with another woman, while my son and I’ve been left here trying to figure out how to get home.

I have no independent UK visa. Just the SOFA accompaniment. My ability to stay here is tied to his status as “visiting military”. If that ends, I can’t stay here or continue working/renting.

At the same time, I can’t afford to get myself, my son, and our two large dogs back to the United States without the military’s resources. I’m trying to get an Early Return of Dependents, but getting our dogs home isn’t on the agenda.

The divorce itself may take six months or longer. I could stay legally married for another year or two, while already being treated by the military like I don’t exist anymore. I can’t even get a PO Box for US mail.

My husband continues receiving his military pay and overseas benefits while providing very limited support to us. He hasn’t spoken to either of us since he left.

I’ve been asking his command for help for months.
I’m not asking the military to fix my marriage. I’m just asking for help getting the family it brought overseas back to the US before I lose the legal ability to remain here.
I can’t stay here without military status, and I can’t get home whole without military participation.
I need to know what options exist for a dependent left in this position.

Things I have tried - writing to the commander, the shirts, the key spouse, Red Cross, Family Advocacy, our state representatives, dogs on deployment.

Edit to add - if you suggest leaving the dogs behind, don’t bother. I’ve heard it, and it’s not gonna happen.

Unfortunately for me, the love of my life … met the love of his. She’s younger than me and apparently very wonderful.
… I’m not anymore.

We’ve been married for 17 years with one adult child and one minor child.
He just filed on Monday and the email mentioned UK divorces can take up to 7 months.

That’s an ideal scenario.

But I’m afraid this won’t be ideal. He’s being very unkind, especially about finances already. I would guess he has to impress the girlfriend with how little he cares about me, so he can’t be nice.

What’s the worst case? Someone said their divorce took 3 years? Surely this can’t be the case.
He already hasn’t seen our child since he moved in with her, that’s over 100 days already.

Please tell me how long your divorce took in the UK.