I am still working on becoming mentally stronger, but my mindset has already shifted to some extent simply by gaining a better understanding of human nature.
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People who have always been surrounded by friends and family, and who have never felt completely alone in the world, especially when facing the worst situations, are so lucky.
I only knew what it felt like to belong and feel like I was in the right place during my childhood. Then one day, I moved away and lost everything. Ever since then, I've never really felt accepted or like I belonged anywhere.
I've met some good people along the way, but it never lasted, and those people already have their own close-knit circles.
I have to start completely from scratch and build a solid support system of my own. It's all so scary. It's terrifying to feel completely alone in a crowd of people.
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I’ve been extremely lonely since my early teens, and I’ve always felt this constant need to please people and feel loved because I know that when I go home, I’ll be alone.
It’s like I’m playing for my life whenever I go outside. I’ve always needed to feel loved and beautiful in everyone’s eyes because I don’t have anyone who is truly my person—someone who makes me feel certain that I’m loved.
It’s almost like I’m obsessed with other people. I feel the need to know everything about their lives, so I look them up and try to find out as much as I can about them. I get jealous when I see them spending time with their families, friends, or partners.
My own brain works against me because I start thinking about people I knew years ago, I miss them and end up looking them up online.
There was one day when I was at the airport with my mother and we were about to go home. I felt sad because there was this strange goodbye atmosphere. I didn’t actually have anyone to say goodbye to, but I felt it because of the people around me. It was like I suddenly wanted to know everything about them and be part of their lives.
Another time, I went clubbing with people I had just met on Facebook. It was my first time ever going out to a club, and being surrounded by all those people made me feel like I desperately wanted to belong to something.
I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.
I’ve been extremely lonely since my early teens, and I’ve always felt this constant need to please people and feel loved because I know that when I go home, I’ll be alone.
It’s like I’m playing for my life whenever I go outside. I’ve always needed to feel loved and beautiful in everyone’s eyes because I don’t have anyone who is truly my person—someone who makes me feel certain that I’m loved.
It’s almost like I’m obsessed with other people. I feel the need to know everything about their lives, so I look them up and try to find out as much as I can about them. I get jealous when I see them spending time with their families, friends, or partners.
My own brain works against me because I start thinking about people I knew years ago, I miss them and end up looking them up online.
There was one day when I was at the airport with my mother and we were about to go home. I felt sad because there was this strange goodbye atmosphere. I didn’t actually have anyone to say goodbye to, but I felt it because of the people around me. It was like I suddenly wanted to know everything about them and be part of their lives.
Another time, I went clubbing with people I had just met on Facebook. It was my first time ever going out to a club, and being surrounded by all those people made me feel like I desperately wanted to belong to something.
I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.
I’ve been extremely lonely since my early teens, and I’ve always felt this constant need to please people and feel loved because I know that when I go home, I’ll be alone.
It’s like I’m playing for my life whenever I go outside. I’ve always needed to feel loved and beautiful in everyone’s eyes because I don’t have anyone who is truly my person—someone who makes me feel certain that I’m loved.
It’s almost like I’m obsessed with other people. I feel the need to know everything about their lives, so I look them up and try to find out as much as I can about them. I get jealous when I see them spending time with their families, friends, or partners.
My own brain works against me because I start thinking about people I knew years ago, I miss them and end up looking them up online.
There was one day when I was at the airport with my mother and we were about to go home. I felt sad because there was this strange goodbye atmosphere. I didn’t actually have anyone to say goodbye to, but I felt it because of the people around me. It was like I suddenly wanted to know everything about them and be part of their lives.
Another time, I went clubbing with people I had just met on Facebook. It was my first time ever going out to a club, and being surrounded by all those people made me feel like I desperately wanted to belong to something.
I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.
The girl who bullied me in high school (I almost lost my life that year, and she knows it) keeps reposting TikToks about workplace bullying, toxic work environments, and even people taking their own lives because of their jobs. Yet she also reposts "bad bitch" edits from high school and quotes saying that it's okay to be the villain in someone else's story.
I can't help but feel like she's now being served the very dish she once served others, even if she won't admit it. It also makes me wonder if she looks back on the time when she was at her peak-high school, when she was the bully. She seems to enjoy adulthood a lot less.
In the end, it makes me realize that the people who hurt me also carry their own wounds and disappointments.
And yet, before, I was full of love for others but I’ve been hurt a lot. I think things have flipped; now I’m the one who looks down on others. I find all sorts of people contemptible, and I have no interest in spending time with them.
I’ve been part of the working world and experienced city life: the downside is people's aggression and not feeling safe, but the upside is having everything right at your fingertips and plenty of activities to do. Even if you're alone, you can sit on a bench and watch the world go by, visit museums (if that's your thing), and so on. As for the countryside, I love nature and the peace and quiet, but I don't necessarily find it superior to the city; out here, if you don't have friends, you're even more isolated, and people get so bored that they stick their noses into other people's business. So, I’d say I prefer a mix of both though right now I couldn't care less, because either way, I’m fed up with people.
I don't want to go outside and get filmed for a TikTok, or filmed by some guy wearing those new sunglasses that record without anyone knowing.
Nothing is more nerve-wracking. At least there’s one upside to not going out.
Je n'aime pas que la plupart des gens soient sur leur téléphone 24h/24 et 7j/7, à faire défiler les publications sans cesse ; je regrette l'époque où nous n'en étions pas aussi dépendants. Je regrette aussi le temps où nous partagions davantage d'expériences ensemble. Est-ce que ça fait de moi un boomer ? Si oui, tant pis.
Edit: I don't think it's nostalgia; I think the world we knew has fundamentally changed. I ask this because whenever I say all that, people tell me I have a "boomer" mentality, yet I feel like I'm better understood by Americans.
I have.
I was 15 at the time, and even though I'm an adult now, the fact that I attempted suicide and that my classmates knew about it still affects me deeply today.
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(When I wrote my previous post, I mistakenly thought that "SA" stood for "suicide attempt" in English.)
I'm an adult now, but the fact that I attempted it and that they know it back then has a huge impact. I was 15.
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They aren't hikikomori, but they were taken prisoner when they were 18, back in the 90s, and now they're 50. If they went out now, they wouldn't recognize the world. Besides, I wonder if they've stayed young at heart or if they've matured. Imagine, there must be hikikomori who have voluntarily isolated themselves for 30 years and who have only seen the world from their homes since the end of their adolescence.
I isolated myself in 2023, before that I just going to university and staying alone the rest of the time. I had hoped to start living again because I wasn't satisfied with my adolescence, but I spent my first years of university in lockdown (I was already behind in life at that point), when we stopped the health passes and the masksthe world became so gray that ultimately I felt stifled and preferred isolation.
Covid cut me short, even though I was a hopeful person. Besides, with artificial intelligence, the university program I'd chosen is declining. I'm isolating myself from the world and learning what I want, entertaining myself as I please. At least I feel protected from feeling alone in the midst of others and from feeling attacked by the outside world.