u/FruitPunch-dr

I made this post nearly a year ago on this subreddit (made a new account since then), and I wanted to provide an update that 2 weeks ago, I successfully defended my dissertation!!! Thank you to everyone who left kind and encouraging comments. I’m so glad that I didn’t give up, even though this past year has undoubtedly been the most difficult of my life.

I’m proud that I persevered through so many obstacles. I worked my ass off to finish an entire project and write my dissertation in a year, something I wouldn’t have been able to pull off without all the learning experiences from failed projects & experiments. I started medication for depression and anxiety which helped a lot. I opened up more to trusted classmates and my program director about my struggles, which lead to many thoughtful discussions about the challenges of completing a PhD that made me feel less alone. I’m about to submit a manuscript and I’m interviewing for some jobs that I’m excited about. I feel tremendous relief that this chapter of my life is over and for the first time in a while, I’m looking forward to the future.

To all the PhD students who are struggling right now, I see you and I empathize with how difficult this journey can be.

I really want to quit

I am entering into my 5th year as a biomedical science Ph.D. student in the USA, and I am seriously considering leaving with a master's.
The reason being that I have generated 3 different dissertation proposals, all approved by my committee, which for various reasons have not worked out and have not produced publishable data. My PI and I have decided that I should complete a small project using techniques that I am proficient at, and gather enough data for a mediocre at best manuscript, and then I can defend.

So now I am working on my 4th project with the hopes that it will get me out of here soon. I feel like a failure. I put so much work into my previous projects to come up with the ideas, write the proposals, and dedicated so much time performing experiments that will never be published and have not advanced the knowledge field of science at all. I regret sacrificing my time with family and friends to work on these projects.

I am having so much insecurity about myself. Surely, a competent scientist would've been able to generate a better project or been able to execute it somehow. I'm questioning if I am supposed to be doing this, despite my passion for science and research, I have not succeeded at all in the past 4 years. It feels like it's my fault, but I also wish I could've had more guidance. I don't know if my committee and PI actually put in time to understand or read the project proposals that ultimately did not work out. I wish the professors I reached out to for experimental guidance answered my emails. But in the end, I only blame myself.

Many of my classmates are defending soon or have graduated already, they completed some excellent research and are leaving with publications and jobs lined up. I am happy for them but I wish I was in their position so badly. My fiancée had to move out of state for work. I am feeling so alone and there's no guarantee that my FOURTH project will be successful.
I just want to quit. I have no optimism left in me, and I feel depressed every time I come into the lab. It just reminds me of everything that has gone wrong in the past and how much work is still left to do before I can cross the finish line. There is so much pressure to get positive data and fast.

I guess I am asking for advice, encouragement, for someone to tell me to keep going or that its okay to quit, I don't know. Maybe someone else here has been in a similar position and can understand what I am going through and offer insights.

TLDR: 5th year PhD with no publications and 3 failed projects, not sure if I will make it to defense. Feeling embarrassed and sad about my work and failures

TLDR 2 (update): I finished my project and passed my defense. It was hard but I’m happy I finished.

Has anyone experienced a stomach or duodenal ulcer from a single gluten exposure?

I got glutened 4 days ago at a hospital cafeteria, ironically. It has been a while since I had a disruption to my gluten free diet for celiac and it’s been pretty rough. My typical reaction is bloating, vomiting and diarrhea which is mostly cleared up now, but I’m having stomach pain, lack of appetite, and heart burn. I’ve had stomach ulcers in the past and it feels a lot like that. The pain is so bad I could barely sleep, I took 40 mg omeprazole and it helped a lot.

I’ve heard of ulcers and gastritis developing from unmanaged celiac, but has anyone experienced this from an isolated gluten ingestion?

What are your tips for writing an excellent cover letter? (Biomedical field, U.S. based universities)

• How much should be focused on what you bring to the lab vs what you are wanting to learn?
• How to make it more interesting or add a personal touch?

I despise writing cover letters. They always seem to come out dry, generic, and overly formal for me. My CV isn't great, I have only one first author manuscript about to be submitted, have presented at regional but not national conferences. I feel my cover letter needs to be strong to make up for this.