It's like everybody can already tell I'm awkward
Every time I'm in group dynamics I instantly feel that I must be the loser . I cheer up my friends a lot but during conversations I'm constantly being walked over, not thought about , and I feel like I'm treated as a disposable fork , someone can just reply rudely to me and no one else in the group will even care . Nobody will even come and sit besides me at lunch even though I'm in a group , they'd all be sitting across me and I'd cry inside even though we would still be chatting . Even in other settings friends would come and they'd sit with someone else they're more familiar with than boring old me , who cares if I look alone sitting just across them right ? It's like they already have a favorite friend when they sit at the same table . I hate high school just for these moments alone . It's definitely not hygiene stuff , I must just have that femcel and girlfailure aura . Oh and even my boyfriend can't find the time to text me as much nowadays.
I wish I didn't care as much . Yes I know I shouldn't and yes that I should focus on myself but it still hurts . How can I just take this ? Just be alone?