I went up there to watch the meteors tonight. But I found it pretty depressing because I have no remaining friends to do anything with. So, I'd like to know if there's anybody out there that'd like to get to know some people and maybe would like to do things together such as going to watch the stars and talk about life and the universe or whatever.
I saw a number of others interested in the previous thread. Does anybody want to meet up?
I read its very poisonous and deadly to cats specifically. But I'd like to know if anyone here has had a bad experience in this fashion, or if they know of anyone else who has? I'm trying to get a gauge of just how dangerous it actually is for cats.
Is there already a group that does this? I don't want to go up there alone.
I'm more functional as an adult than I've ever been before, and it means absolutely nothing to me. Because there's nothing that I actually want out of this world, besides maybe to see it implode.
Also, I pretty much hate everyone now. Total contempt for everyone I used to know. I don't know why the fuck I bothered with any of them. And there's nobody that I want to get to know either. Nobody that's still living.
Agoraphobia. It wasn't long ago I was afraid of walking a few hundred feet from my house. It got so bad I was even afraid of going to the bathroom (I was afraid of being unable to leave immediately if I started to panic). And I've been dealing with this crippling anxiety for 8 years now.
Yesterday I drove hundreds of miles to San Francisco and back, and had almost zero anxiety about it.
I feel absolutely zero, nothing, in response to it. It makes absolutely no difference to me.
There is a painful nervous energy that I can never release.
Also, I'm completely fed up with human beings. I basically hate everyone. I want to burn every single bridge I have left. If the button was in front of me to blow up the entire human world, I would struggle not to press it. Everything seems completely meaningless. I see absolutely no reason to try to course correct any of this. NOTHING is okay.
I'm sitting here watching disaster videos just to have something to focus this energy onto.
I don't want to meet anybody. I don't want to get to know anyone. Even in theory. I'm completely uninterested in what anybody is doing or thinking. And I find virtually everyone irritating or repulsive or both. I don't know what the point of me existing in this world is. I will never get anything worthwhile out of it.
I have memories of things that I can never accept. I wont be able to be okay unless I can rid myself of these memories.