u/Fumblez1724

I was late diagnosed early 2025 (35 M). Started medication (Vyvanse). Made a world of difference as I was able to think clearer, I could communicate more effectively and was less impulsive and worked a hell of a lot better around my kid in reduced irritability.

Over time, I’ve had to increase from where I started from 30mg to a max of 70mg dosages as I metabolize the drug extremely fast and the effects would below my threshold to notice them.

Been married to my wife (non-ADHD) for 12 years. We’ve had our up and downs and I realize a lot of the past problems (honestly, probably all of them) are easily attributed to when I was unmedicated and unknowingly had this disease. I have not been tested to assess which I have (combination, or one of the other sub sets) but plan to in the near future after reading this book.

I’m only halfway through (chapter 9) but this book has me feeling completely defeated and a burden upon my family.

Although medicated, I notice that me and my spouse still have issues regarding my cycles (although smaller ups and downs). She’s having trouble understanding because she was raised culturally as mental illnesses being a “white man’s disease”. She’s trying to understand more but at the same time she still makes little jabs (due to us being in a low moment) that makes me feel like she’s never really going to TRULY understand even after going through this book with me.

So I’m at a loss really. This book has been REALLY helpful in me understanding myself a whole lot better, what I have, my drives, impulses and how it affects every part of my life including my relationships. But it makes me feel so god damn awful as if I’m a monster.

I know I’m only halfway through it, but it’s got me in a really bad place mentally because it highlights how much pain I have caused everyone else and makes me feel as if their life would be better off if I moved away (just divorce, not anything extreme).

My wife’s and I’s latest argument that got us into one of our lowest lows is me opening up to her that I was simply “feeling” bored of our relationship and was trying to process it internally as these feelings come and go naturally. This took her by surprise and she’s rightfully hurt. We are both trying to understand more and make it work but at this point I’m just feeling defeated and at a loss with how this book is presenting things to me.

I know it will have coping strategies to help reduce these cycles towards the later chapters, but is that really all I can expect? Just learn to handle things better and continue to always deal with the ups and downs, but just better?

Anyone got any advice or just empathy?

Edit: TLDR; Mostly, am I just to expect that I will forever repeat a vicious cycle of always hurting my wife emotionally but just less and less so with better coping mechanisms? Because I don’t want that at all. If she never can truly understand, I feel we may no longer be compatible.

I was late diagnosed early 2025 (35 M). Started medication (Vyvanse). Made a world of difference as I was able to think clearer, I could communicate more effectively and was less impulsive and worked a hell of a lot better around my kid in reduced irritability.

Over time, I’ve had to increase from where I started from 30mg to a max of 70mg dosages as I metabolize the drug extremely fast and the effects would below my threshold to notice them.

Been married to my wife (non-ADHD) for 12 years. We’ve had our up and downs and I realize a lot of the past problems (honestly, probably all of them) are easily attributed to when I was unmedicated and unknowingly had this disease. I have not been tested to assess which I have (combination, or one of the other sub sets) but plan to in the near future after reading this book.

I’m only halfway through (chapter 9) but this book has me feeling completely defeated and a burden upon my family.

Although medicated, I notice that me and my spouse still have issues regarding my cycles (although smaller ups and downs). She’s having trouble understanding because she was raised culturally as mental illnesses being a “white man’s disease”. She’s trying to understand more but at the same time she still makes little jabs (due to us being in a low moment) that makes me feel like she’s never really going to TRULY understand even after going through this book with me.

So I’m at a loss really. This book has been REALLY helpful in me understanding myself a whole lot better, what I have, my drives, impulses and how it affects every part of my life including my relationships. But it makes me feel so god damn awful as if I’m a monster.

I know I’m only halfway through it, but it’s got me in a really bad place mentally because it highlights how much pain I have caused everyone else and makes me feel as if their life would be better off if I moved away (just divorce, not anything extreme).

My wife’s and I’s latest argument that got us into one of our lowest lows is me opening up to her that I was simply “feeling” bored of our relationship and was trying to process it internally as these feelings come and go naturally. This took her by surprise and she’s rightfully hurt. We are both trying to understand more and make it work but at this point I’m just feeling defeated and at a loss with how this book is presenting things to me.

I know it will have coping strategies to help reduce these cycles towards the later chapters, but is that really all I can expect? Just learn to handle things better and continue to always deal with the ups and downs, but just better?

Anyone got any advice or just empathy?

Edit: TLDR; Mostly, am I just to expect that I will forever repeat a vicious cycle of always hurting my wife emotionally but just less and less so with better coping mechanisms? Because I don’t want that at all. If she never can truly understand, I feel we may no longer be compatible.

EDIT2: Gina Pera, the author of "Is it you, me, or adult ADD?", responded below with amazing guidance and perspective that made me feel better regarding my thoughts around this book. Please take my post only as an opinion, and an uneducated opinion at that. I went into this book blindly with zero previous research surrounding what my ADHD condition truly is.

I was late diagnosed early 2025 (35 M). Started medication (Vyvanse). Made a world of difference as I was able to think clearer, I could communicate more effectively and was less impulsive and worked a hell of a lot better around my kid in reduced irritability.

Over time, I’ve had to increase from where I started from 30mg to a max of 70mg dosages as I metabolize the drug extremely fast and the effects would below my threshold to notice them.

Been married to my wife (non-ADHD) for 12 years. We’ve had our up and downs and I realize a lot of the past problems (honestly, probably all of them) are easily attributed to when I was unmedicated and unknowingly had this disease. I have not been tested to assess which I have (combination, or one of the other sub sets) but plan to in the near future after reading this book.

I’m only halfway through (chapter 9) but this book has me feeling completely defeated and a burden upon my family.

Although medicated, I notice that me and my spouse still have issues regarding my cycles (although smaller ups and downs). She’s having trouble understanding because she was raised culturally as mental illnesses being a “white man’s disease”. She’s trying to understand more but at the same time she still makes little jabs (due to us being in a low moment) that makes me feel like she’s never really going to TRULY understand even after going through this book with me.

So I’m at a loss really. This book has been REALLY helpful in me understanding myself a whole lot better, what I have, my drives, impulses and how it affects every part of my life including my relationships. But it makes me feel so god damn awful as if I’m a monster.

I know I’m only halfway through it, but it’s got me in a really bad place mentally because it highlights how much pain I have caused everyone else and makes me feel as if their life would be better off if I moved away (just divorce, not anything extreme).

My wife’s and I’s latest argument that got us into one of our lowest lows is me opening up to her that I was simply “feeling” bored of our relationship and was trying to process it internally as these feelings come and go naturally. This took her by surprise and she’s rightfully hurt. We are both trying to understand more and make it work but at this point I’m just feeling defeated and at a loss with how this book is presenting things to me.

I know it will have coping strategies to help reduce these cycles towards the later chapters, but is that really all I can expect? Just learn to handle things better and continue to always deal with the ups and downs, but just better?

Anyone got any advice or just empathy?

Edit1: TLDR; Mostly, am I just to expect that I will forever repeat a vicious cycle of always hurting my wife emotionally but just less and less so with better coping mechanisms? Because I don’t want that at all. If she never can truly understand, are we just not compatible?