r/AdultADHDSupportGroup

I have a problem with impulse buying which I’m 90% sure (and my therapist believes as well) is related to ADHD. so I unsubscribed from all marketing emails and texts and I deleted all my cc info from online shopping sites.

Now I’m realizing that my dopamine or whatever is suffering because now I’m struggling not to open one of my many puzzle games on my phone (they can suck me in for hours and I usually do them while listening to an audiobook). I’m at work so obviously can’t be messing around with games! But without the dopamine rush of knowing a package is coming for me in the mail, I feel like I’m desperately searching for a “fix”

I need to FOCUS and be productive but my brain is just refusing to cooperate. :( Ideas?

Hi, everyone! I wanted to ask if anyone could share any extreme burnout stories and how those ended? I have been diagnosed for 3 years, medicated for as long, and the slow accumulation of burnout from a job coupled with trying and failing to juggle studying I've started noticing that making myself do literally anything is next to impossible without medication and energy drinks, and slowly but surely even a strong combination of both stopped doing anything for me. It turned into a bad loop of constant low energy state blocking engagement leading to revenge proctastination bedtime that made both hobbies and work impossible until I accidentally injured myself in my rush to go to work, and couldn't even enjoy my day off because of the lack of focus and energy.

Apparently Joy Time is mandatory to have ADHD brains in burnout function at all, or they turn into toddlers and throw themselves on the ground? Is that the lessons other people ADHD people have learned from burnout? Or am I still missing something?

47m, dx,

So I don't know if it's just me or if it's a thing that comes with the condition. I seem to always end up in relationships that seem to start great, but in retrospect were built on gaslighting, lies and descriptions. I'm a good, loyal, loving, generous and affectionate partner. I seem to always end up with abusers. Is this an ADHD thing or a me thing? Of it's a we thing what did you do to recover?

Hello everybody !

I'm 36F, I was diagnosed recently and started medication. The only reason I got diagnosed is because I've been suspecting that my mom has ADHD for a few years now (my grandma too but she has passed away now) and suddenly began to recognise the symptoms in myself.

I finally convinced my mom to go see my psychiatrist but unfortunately he told her that he is not qualified to care for patients her age (70), he offered to still see her but she doesn't really see the point. She has been seing psychologists for several years now who have helped her a lot through the loss of her parents and her childhood trauma. She also has anxiety, possible depression and is on medication for hypertension. Spending time with my 4yo daughter is a big help in making her feel better when she is down.

She is an artist but her ADHD is preventing her from creating much anymore. She has a tendency to hoard, my parents' house is packed with so much stuff (my dad is not as bad but he's no help). She'll start collecting random stuff for a project and never do it but refuses to get rid of the stuff she collected... When my grand parents died on both sides, they kept so much of their furniture and objects and it's all at their place now. She keeps all the administrative papers because she's afraid of losing the important one but it's a mess and she can't find them anyway... I've tried to help her but she refuses to throw anything away, and it makes up both really mad and we fight.

I've been trying to educate her (and my dad) about what is ADHD and how it has affected her life, trying to make her feel less guilty. I really want to help her but I also see my own limitations (having ADHD myself I'm not super enthusiastic about cleaning and tidying and I hate it when I get mad at her and we fight).

I know her psychologist will look into ADHD to try and help her with that. She has tried to have the different psychologists she saw help her with the hoarding but I think they don't understand how bad it is. My parents don't have much money so she's been getting the free therapy from a senior center near where we live and I don't have much money or I would pay for it (although I doubt she would take my money).

I'm looking for any advice or if someone has gone through something similar, helping a parent with being neurodivergent, how did you go about it, were you able to help them in any way ?

Does anyone else pull into park spot at a store. See a notification on their phone, check it. Then completely zone out forget you were going into the store and spend the next 30 minutes on your phone?

Im trying to get my ADHD care sorted after calling around locally and getting either no response, 4 month waits or prices that just do not work for me right now. I already have a diagnosis, so Im comparing Blossom Health, Talkiatry, Klarity Health and ADHD Online for ongoing treatment instead of starting from zero. Insurance coverage would help, but I could maybe handle cash pay if the visits are predictable and refills are handled cleanly. My main worries are appointment delays, med rules changing, providers disappearing after intake and support taking forever when something needs fixing. Which provider held up best after the first few appointments?

You want to email, wash dishes, or start your computer. You'd sit, aware of your responsibilities, but unable to begin. The more you pushed yourself to "just get going," the more blocked you became. This difficulty starting tasks is a genuine problem, especially for people with ADHD or executive function issues.

But I started testing things. Small, practical things. And slowly, they worked. Here's what helped me get moving again no hype, no hacks, just real tools.

Task Initiation & Overcoming Paralysis:

1. Use a Physical Timer: Employ a simple, old-school kitchen timer (or sand timer) instead of a phone to avoid digital distractions and create a tangible sense of time.
2. The 5-Second Rule (or Variations): Count aloud (e.g., "1-2-3-4-5," "3-2-1-Go," "5-4-3-2-1") and physically get up or start the task immediately upon finishing the count.
3. Add Fun Phrases: Make counting more engaging by adding a phrase like "Blast Off!" or "Eat the Frog!" at the end.
4. Start Small (Movement): If feeling stuck (paralysis), begin with a tiny physical movement like wiggling toes, then gradually progress to larger movements like moving legs, sitting up, and standing.
5. Start Small (Tasks): Commit to doing only the very first, tiny step of a task (e.g., "just take the laptop out," "just put one dish in the sink," "just rinse one dish," "just walk into the room"). Often, momentum builds from there.
6. Focus on Setup: Instead of the whole task, just focus on getting everything set up and ready for the task (e.g., getting pen and paper ready, pulling out ingredients).
7. Act Immediately: When the impulse or thought to do something arises, act on it instantly before the brain has a chance to overthink or create barriers. ("&£$* it" approach).
8. Do It Tired/Hating It: Acknowledge the feeling (tiredness, dislike) but do the task anyway, detaching the action from needing the "right" mood.
9. Put Shoes On: Wearing shoes (even designated indoor shoes or slippers) can signal "action mode" to the brain and make you less likely to sit down or lounge, increasing motivation for chores/tasks.
10. Don't Sit Down: Avoid sitting down when you have momentum or are in the middle of active tasks, as it can trigger paralysis or make it much harder to get moving again.
11. Start with Cold Water: Briefly start a shower with cold water before it heats up; tackling the unpleasant part first can make the rest easier.
12. Throw Your Phone: If stuck scrolling, (gently) toss your phone across the room, forcing you to get up to retrieve it and breaking the paralysis.
13. Slide Phone Away: Set a 1-minute timer and slide the phone across the floor, requiring movement to turn it off.
14. Imagine a Subway Pole: Visualise grabbing a pole and physically pulling yourself up to get out of a chair or bed.
15. "I'M STUCK": Say "I'm stuck" out loud to acknowledge and potentially break through paralysis.

These might sound small, but that’s the point. When you’re stuck, tiny actions are the only way out.

Recently I have come to terms that maybe I have ADHD and I dont know what this means or where should I go from here.. This last months because of life circunstances I was a bit more under the wather but paradoxically I had more projects in mind than ever, which I started and left unfinished erratically. This has been my pattern always but these days I have so much motivatiin to try to do many things to get my spirits up, but as always Icant't follow trough, to the point I feel a bit like going crazy... I have maneged to be very consistent with sports and other stuff at some point, but in this cases I did the oposite tonthe point of overtraining and fuled by deadline and stress. I am also loking here for some advice. Thanks in avance.

I'm an adult who's still trying to figure out how to live with ADHD, and honestly, I'm exhausted.

I don't struggle with having ideas—I have too many. Every few weeks I get excited about a new goal or project. I'll spend hours researching it, making plans, organizing everything, and convincing myself that this time I'll finally be consistent.

Then, almost overnight, it's like someone flips a switch. The motivation disappears, I avoid the project, and I start feeling guilty because I know it's something I still want.

The cycle has repeated for years, and it's affecting almost every part of my life. Productivity, work, hobbies... even things I genuinely enjoy.

I think the hardest part is that from the outside it probably looks like I just don't care or don't have discipline, but inside my head I'm constantly thinking about everything I should be doing.

For those of you who've learned to manage your ADHD a little better...

What was the first thing that genuinely made a difference?

It could be medication, therapy, routines, changing your environment, or even just a mindset shift. I'm not looking for a miracle fix—I just want to stop feeling stuck in the same cycle.

I’m looking for advice from people who have struggled with anxious attachment, codependency, people pleasing, abandonment wounds, or emotional dysregulation. I have ADHD and high rejection sensitivity and low self esteem

If you’re someone who gets sad for a couple of months after a breakup and then naturally moves on, I’m genuinely happy for you. I don’t think we’re having the same experience. I’m hoping to hear from people whose entire identity seems to collapse after someone leaves.

Whenever I’ve been dumped, I don’t just think, \*“This relationship didn’t work.”\* I immediately think, \*“Something is fundamentally wrong with me.”\*
The breakup becomes evidence that I’m somehow defective.

I end up believing that the person with more options has all the power. In modern dating, it often feels like women have an easier time finding another partner, which leaves me feeling incredibly replaceable. My brain turns it into, “If she left, then I must not have been valuable enough to keep.”

I know that’s an emotional conclusion, not necessarily a rational one, yet it feels completely real.

After one breakup, you can tell yourself it just wasn’t the right fit. After several relationships end the same way, it’s hard to stop asking whether the common denominator is you.

I also know I bring my own issues into relationships.
I’m a people pleaser. I’m anxiously attached. I’m probably codependent. I tend to end up with people who have their own struggles, and I become the caretaker. I stay loyal long after the relationship has become unhealthy because I feel responsible for making it work. I tolerate treatment that I would never recommend to someone else because deep down I don’t believe I deserve much better.

When someone leaves, it’s like every insecurity I’ve ever had gets confirmed all at once.

I’ve spent days crying, spiraling, checking social media even though I know it’ll hurt me, promising myself I’ll stop, then checking again anyway. I’ve written probably ten different texts to my ex and never sent them. I’ve tried leaving the door open for her to reach out someday, and she ignores it every time.

That hurts in a way I can’t really describe.
Part of what makes this so painful is that I poured so much of myself into the relationship. I sacrificed so much trying to make it work. Now I feel like none of it mattered. I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel appreciated. I honestly feel like I abandoned myself for someone who ultimately walked away anyway.

I’ve tried talking to friends. I’ve talked to my therapist. I’m taking medication. I’ve talked with my family. I keep cycling through sadness, longing, regret, bargaining, guilt, loneliness, hope, despair, and then back to sadness again.
I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus. Work is falling apart.

The hardest part is the self-hatred.
I feel this overwhelming urge to punish myself because I somehow believe I failed. Logically, I know I wasn’t a bad partner. I never cheated. I never betrayed her trust. She never even told me I was a terrible boyfriend.

Yet emotionally I carry this crushing sense of guilt and disappointment. I feel like I failed.

It’s like my mind refuses to accept that I can do everything I know how to do, genuinely love someone, put in enormous effort, and still lose the relationship.

Deep down, I think I have a core wound.
I desperately want to be chosen. I want someone to see me, understand me, value me, and love the richness of who I am. When someone leaves, it feels like proof that I’m fundamentally unworthy of that kind of love.

For those of you who used to experience breakups like this and eventually got better:
What actually changed?
Was it therapy? Medication? A particular realization? Learning healthier attachment? Building a life outside your relationship? Time? Something else?
I’m looking for stories from people who genuinely used to feel this level of desperation and eventually found a way out, because right now it feels impossible to imagine ever responding to heartbreak in a healthy way.

Hello, I am writing this because I am currently going through an incredibly difficult time and I desperately need some peer support and advice from fellow adults who might be experiencing the same struggles. I am a 29-year-old adult male diagnosed with ADHD. My current daily medication regimen consists of Ritalin: 30mg extended-release (XR) in the morning, 20mg extended-release (XR) at noon, and 10mg immediate-release (IR) in the evening as needed. In addition to this, I have been taking 75mg of Venlafaxine daily for a mood disorder for the past 5 to 6 months.

Despite being on this medication regimen, I am completely struggling to concentrate on anything, and it has become impossible to make any meaningful progress in my professional career. This ongoing situation is putting a massive financial strain on my family, and it is causing an immense amount of psychological stress for my wife. I feel totally exhausted, burnt out, and honestly, I am at a complete loss.

To make matters worse, I constantly change my workspace, hoping a new environment will fix things, but it never does. I also tend to jump from one task to another constantly, which leaves absolutely everything half-done and incomplete. My mind is constantly overthinking and never shuts down. During these periods of extreme stress and overload, I have noticed that my sexual urges increase significantly, and I strongly suspect that my brain is trying to use this as some sort of an escape mechanism or a way to find temporary relief through masturbation. This has turned into a destructive cycle that leaves me feeling deeply frustrated, and I am truly exhausted by it.

Furthermore, this severe internal tension and stress is severely impacting my family life, affecting both my wife and my 2-year-old daughter. Lately, I have caught myself talking to myself out loud very frequently during the day. I end up muttering disjointed words and phrases that have no logical connection to each other. My wife notices this behavior all the time; she often tells me to calm down because she either perceives me as being overly excited, completely exhausted, or entirely overwhelmed. Finally, a new and very alarming symptom is that even when tasks are extremely critical and important, I have started completely ignoring them. In the past, when I was under heavy pressure, I could at least finish urgent tasks just in time. Now, I can no longer even manage to do that. I feel paralyzed and desperately need some guidance on how to break this loop. Any advice or shared experiences would mean a lot right now.

​

I've been dating my ADHD boyfriend for about three years. In the beginning of our relationship we told each other about our sexual history and many things we've done. Just so we would have no surprises and to be completely transparent. Anyway a couple months before he met me,While he was in college he basically went on the Grindr app and found his librarian and they basically hooked up in the public washroom. He never told me about any of this until today where we watched TV and I saw a video about a conservative politician who was discovered to be hooking up with men in public washrooms. I asked him if he's ever done that before and he said yes than told me the story. What makes me upset is he was in college all this time while in a relationship with me, telling me he was going to the library after classes were don't and never once ever mentioned he hooked up with the librarian there. He claims he forgot and my boyfriend doesn't have the best memory to be honest but I can't help but feel he was intentionally hiding it from me.

I completely understand that r/ADHD doesn't allow recruitment or self-promotion. That wasn't actually the point of my message.

Before posting anything, I contacted the moderators to ask whether such a post would be allowed. I explicitly said that if it wasn't, I would respect the rules. I also asked whether they might know of another subreddit or platform where people might be looking for ADHD coaches or interested in free coaching sessions.

I wasn't asking them to make an exception. I wasn't trying to get around the rules. I was simply asking for guidance before doing anything.

Instead, I received:

>

>

I honestly found that disappointing. A simple "No, we don't allow that" would have been completely fair. I was trying to respect the rules by asking first, yet I was met with hostility and ultimately permanently banned.

Has anyone else had similar experiences with r/ADHD moderation? Were you also permanently banned over something that felt disproportionate, or was this just an isolated experience?

I've just started meds for the first time a few days ago and I feel like my stims are much stronger/more visible or intense maybe ? I usually do very subtle stims with textures or small objects with the tips of my fingers and now I'm full on bouncing my legs, fidgeting with my hands and also the same ones as before but more intensely.

Does anyone experience that ? I feel like the meds make me feel much more attentive to what I'm doing so I may just be that ? I'm not sure but it does feel different.

I keep noticing the same pattern.

I'll think about starting a task for an hour...

Walk around.
Check my phone.
Open random tabs.

Then when I finally start, the task takes maybe 10–15 minutes.

It's like my brain fights the "starting" part more than the work itself.

Lately, I've been trying to make the first step ridiculously small—just opening the document or putting on my shoes.

Sometimes that's enough to get me moving.

Does anyone else experience this? What's actually helped you get past that mental wall?

Not much purpose other than I'm wondering who else is feeling my pain. From previous drug use I am red flagged and can't get ADHD meds from anyone. I have pretty severe ADHD, feels like I have God damn damentia or something at this point. Anyone else just forced to live like this with no help?

Hey all,

I wanted to see if anyone else on this sub struggles with overworking/self isolation?

I'm 29M, diagnosed ADHD early, never medicated or treated specifically for ADHD. (Mom was an addict and did not want to expose me to meds, etc.) For about 6-7 years I have had this issue where I basically keep 3 jobs at a time.

I have a 40hr week job that ensures bills, insurance, etc. are paid. A side job doing web development and light IT support for a local small business, and I tattoo at a street shop on my weekends.

Most of my social life has basically been hanging out with my wife and her friends or my tattoo clients. Otherwise, I'm basically just at work, thinking about work, and trying to get more work.

This eventually caught up to me. Last month I quit both the IT job and Tattooing to focus on my 40hr week job (and help my mental health).

My wife has been on a vacation with her family for her grandpas 80th birthday. (I was invited but alas, work) While she has been away, I've realized that I pretty much have no friends of my own anymore. Mostly because, I simply stopped responding to anyone not directly related to work, tattooing, or my wife lol.

Now that I actually have some breathing room in my schedule.. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I'm not sure if it's even appropriate to hit up old friends. How do people even make friends in 2026? lmao

I'm not even really sure what I'm asking. I guess I just want some tips on making friends post-workaholism and perhaps tips on limiting my anxiety about not constantly making, building, managing, etc.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you to anyone that responds to this mess lol

I’m reaching out as a mom without any real experience with adhd. I have wondered about one of my children possibly having adhd symptoms, but I’m just not certain where to begin. I have researched, and there are many things about adhd that I don’t feel line up with his traits, but I do know it can vary a lot.

I understand this is not a professional medical area. I guess I am first looking for experiences/feedback from people who live with this to hear your thoughts. I don’t know if I need to look into testing or…

Some of the things I have observed and wonder about are…

He seems to not hear things well. I can’t tell if he is spaced out or genuinely doesn’t hear us. He does have high sensitivity to loud noises.

He can sit and focus on something like Legos or a math sheet or look at books for very long periods. At other times, it seems he is distracted every ten seconds during school and I have to keep him on task.

He has always struggled with poor memory/recall. I can say something to him three times and ask him to tell me what I said and he can’t. This is one of my chief concerns, as it’s presented since he was a toddler. So, for about six+ years. I think in the recent past I’ve seen this improve some.

He is my child who is always hungry and asking about snacks. I can set the clock by him coming in for afternoon snack. Granted, he’s skinny as a rail and he genuinely could be hungry all the time, but I am also aware of snacking as a dopamine seeking behavior in adhd, so it’s on my mind.

I can ask him to do a job and if he doesn’t immediately stop and do it right then, he will typically forget.

I am sure there are more things, but I am writing my observations for the first time.

I have not known where to start or if it’s normal kid behavior or personality... but I am a mom of five and I homeschool and I just feel something is different. Is there anything here that would warrant looking into an assessment?

Thanks for your time if you’ve read this far,

sincerely,

a mom on an investigation

I'm a 29 year old woman & was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago. I tried 3 different medications and unfortunately none of them worked for me. I feel like it's ruining my life and stopping me from doing anything. I also have bipolar and autism, which definitely contribute to my challenges, but I take meds that help manage my bipolar and have some coping mechanisms for my autism.

But the ADHD is making life so debilitating, and it makes my life feel like one big depressive episode despite my actual depression being managed. For example I have no motivation, energy or discipline, I cannot engage in any of my interests, I feel so vacant and withdrawn because I just do not know what to do with myself. I had to quit my job and have been relying on benefits the past few years. I don't want to be like this forever but I have no idea how I can make things better, especially given medication didn't work.

I have had countless therapies and sadly not found them effective. I have no real independence and am very reliant on my family to do things for me. Ultimately I just cannot imagine my life improving and am scared it will be like this forever. Each day I wake up and cannot engage with anything to fill the day (whether it's boring/menial tasks that need doing, or my genuine interests - I just don't have the capacity to engage with them). As a result the days feel so long as my mind is racing but I do not have the executive functions to exercise the things my mind is desperate for me to do. I feel like I am just existing and watching the days go by but have no ability to join in.

I am also pretty much addicted to scrolling on my phone - which I realise will contribute a lot to my ADHD challenges. It's a nightmare because the constant short form content found online is such a dopamine loop for ADHDers, hence the addiction. I am trying to address this and reduce my screentime in the hope that it will help me, but even this is difficult as it is the only thing that can hold my attention (even if it is in a bad way).

I guess I just wanna ask people for any tips or advice if they have struggled with similar things. When you have been at rock bottom as a result of mental health/ ADHD - how did you get out of it? What are some small steps I can take to try and make my brain function better. How can I reduce my screentime and train my brain to enjoy engaging in things I genuinely love like reading books, writing, creating etc? Any tips or advice will be much appreciated.