u/Fun-Address8111

Reddit filters keep removing my post in other subs, so please let this one work. Throwaway account because she knows my main.

My girlfriend has a history of depressive episodes. Suicidal tendencies, past trauma, and possible case of bipolar disorder (based on whatever armchair psychology I have read and can infer). Biggest problem is that she actually acts on the tendencies.

The first episode I witnessed was when we were 1 month into our relationship and she told me she will attempt to hang herself. I rushed to her apartment and had to convince the guards to let me in because it was an emergency. Thankfully, nothing happened and she was safe. I stayed with her, comforted her, and helped her get back on her feet until she felt better.

At first, I thought that episode was a one-time thing. However, it was not a one-time thing.

She tried overdosing, hanging, and cutting her wrists more times I can count. The worst one I could remember was her attempting to hang herself when we were sleeping on call to calm her down during an episode. She admitted to it when I woke up but the thought of me waking up and seeing her hanging corpse on Discord being the first thing I see terrified me.

I asked her about therapy and professional help but she doesn't want to. She said that she has no time or no money. I offered the free school-mandated psychiatrist but she said that they are useless. She wants me to keep it a secret from her family because they wouldn't get it.

I really tried extending my patience as much as I can, trying to understand and empathize with her to the best of my ability but doing this alone for so long takes a toll on my mental health.

So here I am, acting as her therapist for the past 4 years whenever she gets an episode. I really tried to be patient and want to see her improve. There were times when she actually was improving. The longest span of time where she didn't have an episode was around 6 to 8 months. However, something triggered her and progress was back to zero.

I keep telling her to get rid of all the blades and ropes she use for attempts and self-harm but she refuses to do so. The times that she agrees, she always keeps some hidden in her room. She also told me multiple times that I am basically the only reason remaining that she hasn't killed herself a long time ago. And quite frankly, it's just extremely terrifying to hear.

She's currently having another one, smack dab in the beginning of our final exam season. What triggered her was that she was failing multiple subjects, needing her to get high scores on the remaining exams to pass to not get kicked out and will likely kill herself if she failed. I tried to comfort her to the best of my ability, which is really the only thing I can do because I also need to study.

I studied over the weekend at the expense of not being able to provide her the proper comfort she needs. She messaged me this morning that how can I fathom not comforting or helping her in her time of need. I explained because I was studying and I was sorry. She understood my excuse and will properly give me the space to study but also apologized if I suddenly found her dead.

As of now, she blocked me from all social media. My messages and calls are not being received. I messaged a friend of hers to check on her but no response yet.

The periods when she's not in an episode remind me of the person I fell in love with. The periods when she is in an episode are too much for me to bear, nowadays.

Being completely honest, I don't think she will pass her failing subjects. My current plan is to tell her parents to be on suicide watch when she returns home at the end of the school year. She would probably be mad at me and never talk to me again, but at least someone will be looking after her to keep her safe.

What else can I do? If the relationship doesn't work out, then so be it. I just don't want her to die.

TL;DR: Depressed and suicidal girlfriend. Acting therapist for 4 years. Toll on my mental health. What do I do?

Throwaway account because she knows my main.

My girlfriend has a history of depressive episodes. Suicidal tendencies, past trauma, and possible case of bipolar disorder (based on whatever armchair psychology I have read and can infer). Biggest problem is that she actually acts on the tendencies.

The first episode I witnessed was when we were 1 month into our relationship and she told me she will attempt to hang herself. I rushed to her apartment and had to convince the guards to let me in because it was an emergency. Thankfully, nothing happened and she was safe. I stayed with her, comforted her, and helped her get back on her feet until she felt better.

At first, I thought that episode was a one-time thing. However, it was not a one-time thing.

She tried overdosing, hanging, and cutting her wrists more times I can count. The worst one I could remember was her attempting to hang herself when we were sleeping on call to calm her down during an episode. She admitted to it when I woke up but the thought of me waking up and seeing her hanging corpse on Discord being the first thing I see terrified me.

I asked her about therapy and professional help but she doesn't want to. She said that she has no time or no money. I offered the free school-mandated psychiatrist but she said that they are useless. She wants me to keep it a secret from her family because they wouldn't get it.

I really tried extending my patience as much as I can, trying to understand and empathize with her to the best of my ability but doing this alone for so long takes a toll on my mental health.

So here I am, acting as her therapist for the past 4 years whenever she gets an episode. I really tried to be patient and want to see her improve. There were times when she actually was improving. The longest span of time where she didn't have an episode was around 6 to 8 months. However, something triggered her and progress was back to zero.

I keep telling her to get rid of all the blades and ropes she use for attempts and self-harm but she refuses to do so. The times that she agrees, she always keeps some hidden in her room. She also told me multiple times that I am basically the only reason remaining that she hasn't killed herself a long time ago. And quite frankly, it's just extremely terrifying to hear.

She's currently having another one, smack dab in the beginning of our final exam season. What triggered her was that she was failing multiple subjects, needing her to get high scores on the remaining exams to pass to not get kicked out and will likely kill herself if she failed. I tried to comfort her to the best of my ability, which is really the only thing I can do because I also need to study.

I studied over the weekend at the expense of not being able to provide her the proper comfort she needs. She messaged me this morning that how can I fathom not comforting or helping her in her time of need. I explained because I was studying and I was sorry. She understood my excuse and will properly give me the space to study but also apologized if I suddenly found her dead.

As of now, she blocked me from all social media. My messages and calls are not being received. I messaged a friend of hers to check on her but no response yet.

The periods when she's not in an episode remind me of the person I fell in love with. The periods when she is in an episode are too much for me to bear, nowadays.

Being completely honest, I don't think she will pass her failing subjects. My current plan is to tell her parents to be on suicide watch when she returns home at the end of the school year. She would probably be mad at me and never talk to me again, but at least someone will be looking after her to keep her safe.

What else can I do? If the relationship doesn't work out, then so be it. I just don't want her to die.

TL;DR: Depressed and suicidal girlfriend. Acting therapist for 4 years. Toll on my mental health. What do I do?

Throwaway account because she knows my main.

My girlfriend has a history of depressive episodes. Suicidal tendencies, past trauma, and possible case of bipolar disorder (based on whatever armchair psychology I have read and can infer). Biggest problem is that she actually acts on the tendencies.

The first episode I witnessed was when we were 1 month into our relationship and she told me she will attempt to hang herself. I rushed to her apartment and had to convince the guards to let me in because it was an emergency. Thankfully, nothing happened and she was safe. I stayed with her, comforted her, and helped her get back on her feet until she felt better.

At first, I thought that episode was a one-time thing. However, it was not a one-time thing.

She tried overdosing, hanging, and cutting her wrists more times I can count. The worst one I could remember was her attempting to hang herself when we were sleeping on call to calm her down during an episode. She admitted to it when I woke up but the thought of me waking up and seeing her hanging corpse on Discord being the first thing I see terrified me.

I asked her about therapy and professional help but she doesn't want to. She said that she has no time or no money. I offered the free school-mandated psychiatrist but she said that they are useless. She wants me to keep it a secret from her family because they wouldn't get it.

I really tried extending my patience as much as I can, trying to understand and empathize with her to the best of my ability but doing this alone for so long takes a toll on my mental health.

So here I am, acting as her therapist for the past 4 years whenever she gets an episode. I really tried to be patient and want to see her improve. There were times when she actually was improving. The longest span of time where she didn't have an episode was around 6 to 8 months. However, something triggered her and progress was back to zero.

I keep telling her to get rid of all the blades and ropes she use for attempts and self-harm but she refuses to do so. The times that she agrees, she always keeps some hidden in her room. She also told me multiple times that I am basically the only reason remaining that she hasn't killed herself a long time ago. And quite frankly, it's just extremely terrifying to hear.

She's currently having another one, smack dab in the beginning of our final exam season. What triggered her was that she was failing multiple subjects, needing her to get high scores on the remaining exams to pass to not get kicked out and will likely kill herself if she failed. I tried to comfort her to the best of my ability, which is really the only thing I can do because I also need to study.

I studied over the weekend at the expense of not being able to provide her the proper comfort she needs. She messaged me this morning that how can I fathom not comforting or helping her in her time of need. I explained because I was studying and I was sorry. She understood my excuse and will properly give me the space to study but also apologized if I suddenly found her dead.

As of now, she blocked me from all social media. My messages and calls are not being received. I messaged a friend of hers to check on her but no response yet.

The periods when she's not in an episode remind me of the person I fell in love with. The periods when she is in an episode are too much for me to bear, nowadays.

Being completely honest, I don't think she will pass her failing subjects. My current plan is to tell her parents to be on suicide watch when she returns home at the end of the school year. She would probably be mad at me and never talk to me again, but at least someone will be looking after her to keep her safe.

What else can I do? If the relationship doesn't work out, then so be it. I just don't want her to die.

TL;DR: Depressed and suicidal girlfriend. Acting therapist for 4 years. Toll on my mental health. What do I do?