u/Fun_Orange_3232

I rescued a reactive dog last year, first as a foster then adopter. He’s the sweetest and most loving dog I’ve ever met, and he has these deep soulful eyes that I could stare into for hours. Anyways, his biggest issue has been severe, genuinely to the max separation anxiety so I didn’t post about him as much here as some of my other fosters, but he has shown mild resource guarding behaviors.

The first was the day I picked him up from the shelter. A volunteer gave him a cookie and I tried to pick it up and put it in the car and he growled at me. I respected it, no issue.

The second was my partner. I was trying to teach my partner how to take things from him in a way that’s less likely to trigger him, but he moved too fast and got a level 1 bite.

The third was another dog and over a random stick. Not sure what exactly happened, but daycare seemed less than worried about it. They just let him enjoy his sticks on his own without other dogs coming up.

Most recently he actually bit my partner when he reached over his head (from behind) to grab something he was chewing on. He’s an old dog who had chronic ear infections when I first got him, so we assume he has some level of hearing loss. Regardless, I cannot imagine a more absurd way to try to take something from a dog. The management was going so well, he doesn’t guard things often, and when he does he’s easily redirected. My partner had actually told him to “leave it” what he was chewing on, and my partner was just trying to wipe debris off his nose. Anyways, I personally wouldn’t have gone to a doctor for it but he did and he got a stitch. Everyone’s fine except he’s still a little nervous around the dog which is fair.

The problem is his family (who I really wish he had never told in the first place). They keep making comments about me rehoming him or putting him down. Even if we were there, it wouldn’t be their decision. And now honestly I just don’t want to be around them at all. I don’t want the looks or the judgment. I don’t want my partner to pick fights with them over it (he hates the comments as much as I do). I just want to like let a few weeks pass before I have to see them again. They don’t want him around, their prerogative. I’m not a “if I can’t bring my dog I won’t go” person. But I actually don’t want to spend money finding someone to keep him to spend time around people who I’m feeling uncomfortable with anyways. I want to just stay home with my dogs, but then my partner will blame them for us not spending the holidays together and more issues. Not to mention he’s really milking the injury imo.

So I’m living in a constant spiral of whether I’d choose my partner and his family or my dog. I feel like they’re assuming I’d pick the dog, but I really don’t know. I guess this is more of a relationship issue than a dog issue. I just want people to stop telling me to get rid of my dog who has only hurt one person, only once significantly, and in a very easy not to repeat circumstance. We’re going to have my trainer come (ofc his family prefers theirs because they use aversive methods and feel comfortable telling me to shock my dog), but it’s really for my partner who needs to learn how to safely trade up (works 100% of the time) and move slowly with this dog.

At the end of the day though, I’m stuck thinking if I had (1) moved the box he was getting into or (2) gotten up when my partner told him to get out of the box, none of this would’ve happened. So I’m mad at myself. And I’m mad at him for trying to take the stupid piece of paper or whatever it is in the first place. And I’m mad at his family for their audacity. And I’m mad at him for preferring to pick fights with his family to just letting me not go to holidays for a while.

I didn’t post here at first because I really just don’t need negativity right now in a situation I know I can manage, but also no one in my life gets it.

My partner thinks she’s simple minded, naive, and easily overwhelmed. That just makes it worse. She knows what she’s doing when she tells the kids that I have more money than her so they should ask me for stuff. She knows what she’s doing when she drops the kids off at 7 pm and homework isn’t done. She knows that she’s only asking for more money because I have money. She resents that we have a good life. And I resent that she only works contract jobs half the year, takes lengthy vacations during her contract period, lives off unemployment the rest of the year, and has the audacity to want more money from me. I wholly believe that should be a livable life. I do not believe I should provide her with luxury so she can live it. It’s neither my problem nor my fault that she can’t afford to take the kids to her country.

I try so freaking hard every freaking day and I’m so. tired. of him defending her. I do homework because I’m the one who can do it without stressing everyone out. I pay more for living expenses than either parent. I do my half of our household cleaning, etc. And I do my part taking care of the kids. So I just don’t understand how she can resent me. I’m doing everything I can, short of paying to send them on vacations or getting her a nicer apartment—neither of which is on me. For some reason he needs to believe it’s not malicious, she’s just dumb and easily manipulated by friends and lawyers.

This isn’t going how I wanted. I wanted a nice blended family, holidays together, maybe even vacations together. What I got was someone I can’t stand pretending to take care of the kids half of the time but really throwing any real parenting on myself and my
partner.

This is my comeuppance for judging people complaining about their partner’s ex. I bear that cross.

It’s almost my birthday 🎉🥳🎊🎊

To celebrate, the other half and I are going to binge horror. I’m very well versed, he’s ok with horror but hasn’t seen much that wasn’t well hyped. Looking for suggestions for what we should watch!

My likes: Incantation, Black Sabbath, Suspiria, It Stains the Sand Red, Sinners, Deep Blue Sea, Little Monsters, OG Candyman, Tenebrae, Opera, The Old Ways, the Hunger, Ginger Snaps, The wailing, godless: the east field exorcism

My hates: Red Rooms, Lake Mungo, Green Inferno

Hi! My 6 yo is interested in resin art and I know… Nothing. Any thoughts about an easy and interesting first project appropriate for his age?

How are you handling kids becoming aware of money? My 6yo step kid is increasingly aware of money, telling his mom she’s poor and more importantly to me making a big deal about me being rich. The first time he said “you’re rich so you can buy me anything I want.” Objectively, I am rich, no denying that. But my money is held in a trust for the benefit of my siblings and I that I have no access to. Our day to day is based on my salary (and granted I probably make 4x his parents combined, so still rich, but very cash poor because once we include living expenses, I’m paying more for the kids than both parents combined, we’re all living paycheck to paycheck). This set up is largely irrelevant except that I don’t know how to talk about it.

When he tells me I’m rich, I ask him why he thinks that. He says his mom told him that (she claims she didn’t, I don’t believe her, it doesn’t really matter). But anyways cats out of the bag here. How would you respond when he talks about it? I’ve been saying “I worked hard and make money just like Daddy does so we can have a nice house and some of the things we want” but that’s not really working. I know his dad would just tell him it’s rude to talk about, but I feel like that doesn’t really get to the issue. One of my friends said to tell him to work hard so he has enough money to buy everything he wants, but that seems to ignore a lot of realities about the world 👀 I don’t know he’s 6.

Anyways, I’m rambling. Ignoring it or playing it off isn’t working because it’s coming up several times a week. Any suggestions?

My parents were definitely A+ or go home type parents. Not a chance anything under a 95 would receive positive feedback and nothing under 100 would be on the fridge. Today my step kiddo asked me to put his class work on the fridge. I put his drawings on, but not his spelling test because it was just a pass. He asked me if I was proud of it and wanted to put it on the fridge. I said yes and immediately put it up. There’s a barely pass on my fridge, and I genuinely think that’s the best thing that’s ever happened in my family cycle.

I don’t know what happened, but after a year of consistency and a lot of medication he’s better. Not in the he’s surviving way, in the he’s almost a normal dog way.

A year ago I brought home a foster dog from the shelter who completed my soul. He’s got the deepest most soulful eyes I’ve ever seen on any creature. They said no behavioral concerns. When I put him in my foster sequester room he whined a bit, and I watched him pace on the camera. Everyone told me he’d be fine and to just go to sleep. I woke up and he was still pacing. He paced for 10 hours. I decided to try something else the next night—I moved his crate into my room. He peed and pooped 4x that night in the crate. Before that moment, I thought he just wasn’t house trained, but it’s a stress response. I gave up on the crate and let him sleep in the only place he would—directly in my arms. We did that for weeks.

After begging the shelter, I was able to get him on gabapentin which helped him sleep in his crate, maybe peeing once, but I used diapers.

I had just lost my job so it was manageable to have him with me at all times. I ended up adopting him because who else would?

We’ve since experimented with various meds and training methods, incorporating a bit of everything. Things got better. He started sleeping in the same room as me rather than directly on top. I’d have to beg him to leave his bed and sleep with me (not often but I want a cuddle too 👀). And I got home from work yesterday and there was no little tail wagging and hitting everything in sight. No happy tappies. No circles. He stayed asleep on the couch. I actually got scared something happened and called him—he calmly meandered over like “oh you’re here now” took a few pets then went back to the couch.

This is the dog who (my fault) got mild heatstroke and still followed me room to room. And he’s ok now. He hasn’t pooped in the house in weeks. It’s been days since he peed. And he didn’t greet me at the door 😭

My baby is ok.