u/Funny-Flower1847

My ex-husband and I separated 1 months ago and live about 1.5 hours apart. He hasn't seen our boys in person since the split, only doing daily FaceTimes. We currently have no formal custody agreement in place.
I reached out and offered to meet him halfway so he could take them to his house for the upcoming 3-day weekend. I even agreed to give him money for their food and gas. He initially agreed.
Then he abruptly changed the plan. He texted saying he is driving down to my area to get a haircut and run errands, and now wants to get a local hotel room and keep the kids there for the 3 days instead of taking them to his house.
I told him no. The kids haven't seen him in a month, we are newly separated, and taking them to a random, unfamiliar hotel room feels completely unstable when he has a home 90 minutes away. Because of his work schedule (4 days on, 4 days off), his time with them will already be sparse, and I want their routine to be consistent and secure.

Am I being unreasonable for holding a firm boundary that his parenting time needs to be at his home,

My ex-husband and I separated 1 months ago and live about 1.5 hours apart. He hasn't seen our boys in person since the split, only doing daily FaceTimes. We currently have no formal custody agreement in place.
I reached out and offered to meet him halfway so he could take them to his house for the upcoming 3-day weekend. I even agreed to lend him money for their food because he's short on cash. He initially agreed.
Then he abruptly changed the plan. He texted saying he is driving down to my area to get a haircut and run errands, and now wants to get a local hotel room and keep the kids there for the 3 days instead of taking them to his house.
I told him no. The kids haven't seen him in two months, we are newly separated, and taking them to a random, unfamiliar hotel room feels completely unstable when he has a home 90 minutes away. Because of his work schedule (4 days on, 4 days off), his time with them will already be sparse, and I want their routine to be consistent and secure.

Am I being unreasonable for holding a firm boundary that his parenting time needs to be at his home, not a hotel?

My soon to be ex-husband and I separated 1 months ago and live about 1.5 hours apart. He hasn't seen our boys in person since the split, only doing daily FaceTimes. We have no formal custody agreement in place yet.
I reached out and offered to meet him halfway so he could take them for the upcoming 3-day weekend. I even agreed to lend him some money for their food because he's short on cash. He initially agreed to take them to his place.
Then, out of nowhere, he changed the plan. He texted saying he is driving down to my area to get a haircut and run errands, and now wants to get a local hotel room and keep the kids there for 3 days instead of taking them to his house.
I told him absolutely not. They haven't seen him in two months, we are newly separated, and taking them to a random, unfamiliar hotel room feels completely unstable and unnecessary when he has a house 90 minutes away. Because of his work schedule (4 days on, 4 days off), his weekends with them will already be sparse, and I want their time together to be consistent and secure.
He’s now calling me controlling and acting like I'm keeping the kids from him.
AITA for holding a firm boundary that if he wants his weekend time, it needs to be at his home and not a hotel?

I (30F) am preparing to leave my husband (32M). We’ve been together since high school and have two young children. Our history is complicated...it’s been toxic at times, with a lot of fighting and lack of respect. We both stayed because we "grew up together" and wanted to make it work.

Eight months ago, we moved to a new city (1.5 hours away) for a fresh start. I thought we were doing great; he even told me he felt more secure than ever. Then, a month ago, I found texts on his phone proving he was cheating and planning to meet up with someone.

That was my breaking point. For the last month, I’ve been secretly planning. I’ve secured a job back in our hometown, have a deposit ready for an apartment, and have the kids' spots saved at their old daycare.

I’m stuck on the "how."

1. The Timing: Do I tell him the day before I’m leaving? The week before?
2. The Conversation: How do you even start a conversation with someone? He's very emotionally reactive.

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has made a "silent exit" or dealt with a long-term partner who was blindsided by a breakup. Any insight on the legalities of moving kids within the same state would also be helpful. He will still get the kids on his off days (he works nights) 4 days on an 4 days off, so his schedule fluctuates, i have no intentions on keeping the kids from him at all, he's a good dad.