u/FunnySpamGuyHaha

My husband, twice now, has forgotten me at work to have sex with his partner. Two different partners, two different times, but weeks apart. First time was just forgetting visiting me at work after I said I wasn't "doing good" mentally (a lot behind that), second time my car was broken down so he willingly dropped me off and just... forgot me at work. An hour away from home. Completely.

Last weekend is when it happened the most recent, and most tragic. He didnt even remember me until it was TIME to pick me up from work, he knew how upset I was and we had a conversation already about this before. I was made a fool once, and now twice for his sex.

Im 37 weeks pregnant now, and stuck on this. This weekend he said he'd take me on a date, rekindle us, and no thinking required on my behalf. Im mostly the decision maker in the relationship and he knows I hate being the only one to make them, especially with how pregnant I am. Well anyways, he forgot to plan it. Didnt put effort in for a last minute thing. The one thing he did have which relieved a lot of my pregnancy symptoms (swimming) and he cancelled that and he didn't even want to do so instead he said he wanted to fish.

Im outdoorsy but it's so hot and the last time he tried to fish and had me come with him ("tried" because the line was wrong for the rod, not because I was there) I didnt partake at all and didnt want to. He knew this. He knew I didnt want to fish right now.

We didnt do anything in the end and I ended up doing the work for maybe getting us a house soon instead.

And now to rewind a bit to the conversation after the second time he forgot me and he knew how close I was to taking a break on our relationship, I told him enough polyamory for now till we can fix the relationship. He agreed.

Fast forward to now and he's still talking to the girl that he was having sex with the second time he forgot me, and even sent a photo of us fucking (not uncommon, was fine with it initially with the idea all he sent was the photo) with the caption "Thinking of you" while balls deep in my pussy, gripping my ass.

Am I too immature? Am I too hormonal right now? Am I going crazy? Why am I ALWAYS the side piece? Like yes I am fine with not being the only one, the sex is only slightly an issue as in it shouldn't have you forgetting about me but it's not all that for me, it's the continuously FORGETTING completely.

Im heartbroken and dont know what to do at this point. I just want some love, and I cant even get that if it isnt something he loves and wants to do too. I want something sacrifice like Ive sacrificed for him and Ive TOLD him this, and still nothing.

Im not even worth a planned date.

Would you say something if your partner took you on a mediocre date and then took meta on a much nicer date the next day?

Context:
My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year, and he is also married. He has had very little time for taking either of us on dates this year and I usually only see him every other week for 2-3 hours lately. I had asked him to set aside time this weekend so we could do something for my birthday, which will be the first of either of our birthdays since we’ve been in a relationship so this is new territory. He knows I’ve been itching to go on dates so that has been communicated although I didn’t specify what exactly I wanted, mostly because the type of date doesn’t matter as much as dedicating the time and making me feel special/connected.

Anyway, he did set aside time for me and came over for our first sleepover in months and told me we’d have a dinner date. Great, except he didn’t really plan the date, it was more like dinner rolled around and he asked what sounded good. Fine, I guess? I had not asked for anything specific, so maybe this was my mistake in assuming he’d plan something for me just because it was my birthday. Not really a big deal, kinda disappointing but next time I’ll be more specific about what I want. We went to a casual restaurant, wore casual clothes, basically a typical Friday night dinner nothing crazy.

Except the next night he posts on his socials photos from the date he took his wife on, with flowers, nice clothes, a fun little event. I’m… jealous. Like, so jealous. It’s entirely possible that his wife planned this date, asked to take photos, etc and normally I’d be thrilled to see them getting the time to go do something fun. But like, it was my birthday and he didn’t really plan anything. I know he doesn’t really celebrate his own birthday, and I didn’t really specify what I was looking for.

Do I hold off and be more specific about what I want next time we try to plan something? Or should I say something and let him know I’m feeling kind of upset about the lack of effort? How should I bring this up in a way that doesn’t center my jealousy, because it’s obviously not really about what someone else got but rather about wanting to feel special in my own right?

Another bit of context that may or may not be relevant, he did suffer a TBI a few years ago and struggles with memory issues among other things. I have seen him forget things often, so I know this isn’t an excuse although he could easily use it as one even if he hadn’t actually forgotten. His reaction when I did mention, “it’s my birthday and you didn’t plan anything?” was that it’s not my birthday yet until this upcoming week, which I thought was an odd response and made me think maybe he forgot that I had told him these were specifically birthday plans. Do I wait until after my actual birthday passes this week, so he has a chance to do something if that was the case?

Kind of rambling on a bit too much about what is ultimately not a huge issue but I also want to add that I do have lots of close family and friends who I will also be celebrating with, so I am not relying totally on him to make me feel special or anything, but I am a twin so most of these other celebrations are shared and usually with a partner is the only time I get to really do what I want without having to consider what my twin wants to do, so it’s kind of important to me. Twin complex from growing up with a twin with polar opposite interests, I guess.

I 34F was in a throuple with 35F and 36M. The three of us had been together for about 4 months. I joined the two of them (yes they sought me out and later made comments that they were looking for a "plaything" for them-I am new to poly so was naive to what was happening), and they had been dating for 3 months before me.

There was a miscommunication that happened last week where a text that I sent was misread by 36M (I have read this text to a few people and multiple times myself) and I cannot figure out the reaction. I was telling him that when I ask for more communication I get brushed off, but when 35F asks the same thing she immediately gets changes. For background-35F and 36M speak on average about 5 hours per day just them. I get an hourish per day with each.

Anyway, based on that text 36M dumped me over the phone. I asked to talk to 35F about what we looked like moving forward and she just kept repeating that her mind is foggy and wouldnt answer it. I sent 35F 3 texts over 3 days and she ignored them all-we previously texted and talked on the phone everyday. I met with 36M to engage each other's things and talk and he decided he made a mistake and that we should get back together. I said yes. I still hasn't heard from 35F, but 36M said that 35F was done with the three of us, but that the two of them were going to stay together. 35F still to this day has said nothing to me-never broke up with me or said anything beside her mind was foggy.

This is where I made a very questionable decision. When I went to talk to 36M half way into the conversation that determined if we stayed together or broke up, I see that he has an earbud in his ear. I asked if 35F was listening to our conversation. He said she was on the phone, but wasn't actually there. I called him out, and he said that she was there, but we were muted and couldn't hear us. I told him that didn't make sense on why he wouldnt just hang up the phone. He said he didnt have time before I got there to talk. I asked him how he had time to mute it, but not hang up. He didn't answer. However he did then hang up the call. Later in the conversation I asked him again and he insisted on the same story, but then admitted she was listening for support because he was sad. She was listening to the whole conversation without me knowing. This is beyond inappropriate right? I did (stupidly i think) still agree to stay with him.

Is that ever appropriate?

Thanks.