u/General-Cobbler-6054

I lost my mom almost 2 months ago from stage 4 cancer that spread everywhere, including her brain which took everything away from her. She lived for 8 months after her diagnosis and those months were very scary, painful, a lot of emergencies, ambulance calls, hospital stays, immense suffering for my poor mommy. Her death crushed me. I have a lot of regrets about everything I didn't do or say.

Now the most important person in my life is gone, my dad is devastated from losing his wife and he also has his own health problems, I only have one friend and a boyfriend who wasn't really involved during this tragic time of my life. He would visit every day and I would talk to him about my mom, sometimes he would cook and bring me food, but other than that he was playing games on his phone while my mom was dying watching me running around the house doing chores and helping my mom (we weren't living together and I moved in with my parents to help my mom). I needed a little more help, even washing some dishes would helped as I was swamped and I wasn't even getting enough sleep from all the things I had to do and stress. I told him about this and his answer was something like I came to you every day, what more do you want? I don't know if I'm being unfair, I can understand that it's a lot of negativity for him, but I wasn't expecting this type of answer when I am slowly dying inside. Am I too harsh because of grief or do you think my disappointment in him is understandable? did anyone else lose relationships during grief?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We don't live together. I lost my mom to cancer a month ago and it crushed me. It's the most painful, difficult and traumatic thing I ever had to face. I am pretty disappointed in how my boyfriend reacted during my mom's illness and after her death. I moved in with my parents to help my mom and the last months of her life she was in and out of the hospital in quite poor condition and I was banging my head against the wall trying to juggle work, preparing medication,

food, hospital visits, chores, online research about treatments that could help my mom. I was exhausted, I wasn't getting enough sleep because of stress and lack of time. Whenever my boyfriend came over during those months he would just sit and play games on his phone if I was busy with something (which I was most of the time), he didn't help with anything. He would sometimes bring me food, but that was about all the support I got from him. After my mom's death his behaviour is pretty much the same and he also complained a few times that he had to listem to my family's depressing conversations and he got bored. This was very hurtful and tone deaf, my family went through a tragedy, what do you mean the conversation is depressing???

I am barely surviving and I really don't have the energy to always be careful what I say so it wouldn't affect his mood or bore him. Also, when we talk about the future the conversation goes nowhere, so I have the impression he doesn't even see a future with me.

I know I am currently depressed and mentally unstable, I am on medication to be able to get out of bed at least for work. I don't know if it's grief clouding my judgement, I just don't feel supported. How would you balance your own feelings and your partner's?

I lost my mon a month ago to cancer, in a very traumatic way after months of suffering. Only one friend is checking up on me, the rest are simply not reaching out or sending stupid platitudes or memes they think would cheer me up. I already told them that stuff is not helping, but here we are. My boyfriend expects me to grieve differently because that's how he did it when he lost his mom. we don't live together and when he visits he complains he gets bored if he happens to assist to conversations I have with my dad about losing my mom and memories of her and that he's too tired to also listen to my family's problems besides mine. I find that hurtful and kinda disrespectful, to say that you're bored when you assist to someone's tragedy. he sometimes cooks and brings me food, but other than that I didn't feel supported by him while my mom was sick or after she died. This made me doubt the future of this relationship. I realized that if something serious would happen to me, health related, I cannot rely on him. also, we never talk about our future unless I bring it up and then the conversation ends quickly without any planning. going through this tragedy made me realize I need a reliable partner, someone I can build with and I don't feel I have that right now.

Did anyone else go through this and felt disappointed or abandoned during your most difficult times? Did it make you feel different about your friends or partner?

I lost my mom to cancer a month ago and she suffered tremendously during the last months. She really wanted to live. My dad and I tried to sugar coat it as much as possible as we had seen that talking about the gravity of her illness caused her a lot of distress and she would start sobbing. during the last week she couldn't talk anymore. now I regret not telling her the truth, it was probably wrong.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, I had a lot of struggles and there were so many times I wished I wasn't here. I always had this feeling that me being on this earth was a mistake, that I didn't have a purpose and I don't know why I'm still here. I would have gladly traded places with my mom. She was so strong, she brought so much joy to the people around her, helped a lot of people in her life, but she was abruptly and violently taken from this world. She really wanted to be here. I don't see a future in this miserable life anymore and I will always carry this heavy loss with me. I don't understand why souls like her are taken from this world. she would have been such a joy to the world. I'm not like that. I'm not that type of light and I don't think I belong here anyway. why wasn't it me instead of her? I'm not religious, I don't know why and what things happen beyond this life, I'm just left here trying to make sense of a world without any sense.

I lost my mom to cancer a month ago and she suffered tremendously during the last months. She really wanted to live. My dad and I tried to sugar coat it as much as possible as we had seen that talking about the gravity of her illness caused her a lot of distress and she would start sobbing. during the last week she couldn't talk anymore. now I regret not telling her the truth, it was probably wrong.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, I had a lot of struggles and there were so many times I wished I wasn't here. I always had this feeling that me being on this earth was a mistake, that I didn't have a purpose and I don't know why I'm still here. I would have gladly traded places with my mom. She was so strong, she brought so much joy to the people around her, helped a lot of people in her life, but she was abruptly and violently taken from this world. She wanted to be here. I don't see a future in this miserable life anymore and I will always carry this heavy loss with me. I don't understand why souls like her are taken from this world. she would have been such a joy to the world. I'm not like that. I'm not that type of light and I don't think I belong here anyway. why wasn't it me instead of her? I'm not religious, I don't know why and what things happen beyond this life, I'm just left here trying to make sense of a world without any sense.

A couple of months ago I kept randomly getting this line from a song in my head: "if the world is ending I wanna be next to you". I had heard the song on the radio, I don't particulary like the song, I never looked up the song to listen to it, I don't even know the name of the song, I think Bruno Mars is the singer. was this a sign or just my nervous system trying to communicate to me that I need to prioritize spending time with an important person in my life? do you have any other interpretation for it?

I lost my mom to cancer a month ago, after watching her slowly and painfully fade away for the last 3 months of her life. I've heard some of the most useless stupid platitudes from people who did not experience loss, let alone such a traumatic loss. Maybe people don't know what to say, maybe they think their stupid advice is helping, but it's actually making things worse for me. stuff like "it was part of god's plan", "god knows better", "as long as you carry her in your heart she's still alive" is really not helping. how is god's plan to kill my mother or her living only in my heart supposed yo help? this toxic positivity is harmful. someone even asked why am I not well after the death of my mother? that's just....??? none of those people would be happy to see their loved ones die and just "keep them in their heart". it's disrespectful and out of touch. just like your religion, you should keep these conviction to yourself.

what did you reply when you received such useless advice?