Is there any reason I'd feel really really sleepy while in my selfstates that are more like EPs, but absolutely awake and energized in a colder ANP state? Is this something others experience?
I have therapy tomorrow and want to bring it up.
Limerence Is hell. Devotion and compulsion merged into one. Being willing to sell your soul for someone who has no reciprocal feeling, and not being able to turn off that response. Involuntary attachment and nauseous euphoria at every interaction. I want to puke and tear off my skin but I can't molt like a spider. Feeling dead and high at the same time. Understanding how men of myth wasted away before sirens, but also understanding what's happening and trying to hold it all in is like becoming eels in a suit of skin. Thinking about anything else is so uncomfortable that it's physically painful, but obsessing over a ghost is slowly killing me. I don't wish BPD on anyone.
I'm finding somatic therapy techniques to be nearly impossible during my sessions with my therapist. Are there any ways to want to be grounded when the majority pushes back hard to keep the ANP (emotionless/administrative self) in the forefront? I feel like I'm failing to engage with emotional parts as it's overwhelming and the physical sensation of occupying them was described at the time as my veins pushing me out hydraulically, and like my skin needed to be torn off. Every time I got close to one, they were so tired that I felt drunk and blurry. This whole thing is so confusing and frustrating to experience. The fragmentation is getting worse and I feel shut out of emotional experiences and unable to recall people's relationships to myself.