My husband is working almost 17 hours a day and sleeping only 3 hours because of debt. How can I help him understand that I need him, not money?
My husband and I have been married for 13 years, and our family life was going well. Then, unexpectedly, he lost his job. It was a very difficult period for both of us, and we were emotionally affected.
To protect our family financially, he invested all his provident fund and savings in a bar and restaurant business. He did not properly discuss it with me, probably because he knew I might disagree due to my family background and beliefs. However, once he had invested, I accepted his decision and tried to support him.
Unfortunately, the business required very high monthly rent and kept needing more money. He took loans and used credit cards to continue paying the rent, staff salaries and other expenses. Then, because of the situation in the Gulf, tourism and customer numbers dropped. For around three months, we continued paying the expenses by borrowing even more money.
During the same difficult period, he also lost his mother to cancer. He had to deal with losing his job, losing his mother and watching the business struggle—all within a short time.
He has now found another job. He works there for around nine hours during the day, and much of his salary goes towards debts and the restaurant employees’ salaries. At night, he works at the bar for another eight hours. He is sleeping for only around three hours a day.
I understand that he is doing this because he feels responsible for our family and wants to recover the money. I am not saying that he is a bad husband. I know that he is carrying enormous pressure and trying his best.
But I do not want more money or a luxurious life. I want my husband to be alive, healthy and present with our family. His family owns valuable properties, and he is their only son. I have suggested selling one property later, with the family’s knowledge and proper planning, to clear part of the debt. Even if we lose money, I am ready to accept it. Money can be earned again, but I cannot replace him.
Whenever I ask him to stop, rest or leave the business, he does not listen. Because I am frightened and frustrated, our conversations turn into arguments, and sometimes I become angry. I love him deeply—I am not fighting against him; I am fighting for his health and our peaceful family life.
How can I speak to him without making him feel that I am blaming him or disrespecting his efforts? How can I support him emotionally while also helping him understand that working 17 hours and sleeping only three hours is not sustainable? Should we involve a trusted family member, financial adviser or counsellor?