u/Glittering-Corgi-216

I (24f) found out my now ex boyfriend (27m) of 4 years is a complete liar cheater and manipulator. It started with finding out about texts on Sunday, then about a girl he took out on a date 2 years ago, and now today, finding out he had sex with his coworker in March. He didn’t tell me any of this, it was the women who came forward when I asked. I can only imagine how many other women he has been with.

He put on such a great facade. I trusted him 1000% even though I had been cheated on in relationships before this. He felt so safe and I thought was extremely communicative about where he was. He always answered the phone, always texted me updates. I just never worried. Until he started to act distant and weird the last two weeks and I started digging. He started getting drunk and staying out late more and more.

To make a long story short, when he fucked his coworker (who I know and have hung out with) he was super drunk. My mom was visiting me for the weekend (mind you I moved from the east coast to the west coast to be with him and we live together). I was worried about him because he wasn’t answering my calls and I knew he was drinking. He came home drunk and I was pissed. He came back home to our bed and slept with me, kissed me goodnight.

We had sex a few days later and I developed BV. I didn’t think anything of it but now knowing what I know I feel so disgusted with myself. I feel so violated because I didnt consent to having sex with someone that was having unprotected sex with a bunch of other partners. He had sex with her and came home to bed with me like nothing happened. They fucked in his back seat and he drove my mom to the airport with her sitting in that very seat the next day. He showed no signs of guilt or anything.

On top of this he brought me to a hockey game with his coworkers with her there a literal week after this happened. I feel so humiliated thinking about how they were all seeing me. He apparently even pulled her aside during the game with me there begging her not to tell me anything.

I feel so violated and shocked. I feel disgusted in my own body and can’t get out of it. I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together officially since August 2023 and were talking for a year before that, so it’s been nearly 4 years total. I have never checked his phone or ever doubted his loyalty to me. He has seemed super solid and he would always keep me updated about where he was and what he was doing and seemed to love me very much. Our relationship has been very stable.

Lately we have been bickering and for some reason I got the urge to scroll through his instagram followers and see if there were girls whose pics he was liking. I found a girls profile where he liked all of her pictures. I confronted him about it but he said it was nothing and she was just a random instagram girl. He said he never messaged her, only likes. I decided to message her to ask and it turned out he had messaged her 3 times, twice in May 2025, and another time this past February. I was genuinely shocked. They were extremely flirty compliments. I confronted him about it and he insisted it was just her and he would never actually meet up with a girl in person, but I decided to message other girls with the same pattern.

The second girl I messaged told me that 2 years ago he took her out on a date. They went dancing and kissed (I was traveling at the time). She had video proof too. They never hung out again after that. I confronted him and he’s swearing up and down it was just her it didn’t mean anything, and never happened again, the usual sorry excuses. I saw the texts on his phone and while it was true he didn’t hang out with her again, he did follow up to say he had a good time. I cursed him out crazy screaming at him and did tell my family and friends because I was so upset and needed support.

I know breaking up is the right thing to do, but I moved to California from the east coast to be with him and our lease isn’t up until July, so I’m really not sure what to do. I also have a job here that I love. I am distraught and in so much pain I can barely function. And the crazy part is that I still love him and for some reason want to make it work. I guess because our relationship has seemed so good this whole time and this was a huge shock to me.

I have been cheated on before so I really thought I knew better by now how to tell the signs. I feel so stupid. What do I do? Do I try to work things out because this was earlier in our relationship? Or is it doomed and already for sure ruined?