u/Glittering-Fig-1418

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and we have young kids together. He is a first responder and he's been doing that since before we met. Before we had kids I would say I noticed some slight anxiety but nothing I thought was unusual.

Fast forward to now we are in our forties and he seems tense more days than not. He has switched positions in his field so he isn't in as stressful of a spot as he was a few years ago but I feel like he is still a stress ball. His blood pressure is always elevated and although I wouldn't say he has a full on anger problem, he is quick to anger or get agitated.

We are seeing a couples counselor both separate and together. Judging by what he has said in therapy it seems he is struggling with the responsibility of being a husband, father and provider.

Before the counselor met him she told me she was concerned he has narcissistic traits. I agree because all arguments are my fault and there is never a resolution. He lacks accountability and has a history of lying to me.

I'm happy to see he is doing the work in therapy but he is such an anxious person it makes me feel tense all the time. He knows he has anxiety and is trying to self regulate but I don't think it's working. I'm finding it difficult to cohabitate and have a relationship with someone who is always anxious or on edge. I feel like this is like a mental illness and I'm not sure what I can do to soften the tension. Between our issues and his anxiety I'm at the point where I'm worried this relationship will not work out. How can a marriage work with a possibly narcissistic person who also has extreme anxiety?

*I want to add he is not an awful person I just think he is very self focused and has a hard time relating to people or seeing from anyone's perspective but his own.

I have never purchased from this brand and I'm not familiar with their DNA. Can you please tell me how these scents are but also if you found them soft, syrupy, or synthetic, etc.

Darling

Star Girl

Bedsheet ghost

Bastet

Babydoll head

I dislike headshop type scents so if these fall in that category please let me know thank you!

My husband and I are in our forties and have two young kids. We've been married for ten years.

I am seeking counseling because he lied to me about secret debt that he accumulated during our marriage for six years and never apologized for lying. This was four years ago. *Side note, I asked my husband to talk to his dad about the debt ($100k) because his dad was financially savvy and I was worried we would go bankrupt.

Fast forward to now he lashes out at me and I never know what is going to piss him off. For example he got mad when there were dishes in the sink , he's gotten mad when he thought I was having an attitude in a text message, and he got mad when I asked why I had to wait for him to be with me to pay a bill we already discussed paying.

In addition to this, he started pressuring or guilting me into sex since last year. He has said "I'm scared we're going to turn into roommates". But the thing is we have sex at least once a week so it's not like we have gone any longer than that.

We have met with this counselor twice each, separately. Last night the counselor was basically saying I need to forgive him about the lying and the debt and that asking his parents for financial guidance was a big mistake because it was a personal relationship matter. I feel like he missing the mark with this one. Yes of course the lying was a huge betrayal but my issue now is that it is hard for me to build trust with my husband when he continues to lash out at me for stupid things and pressure for me sex. It feels like two steps forward, one step back in my marriage. I asked the therapist if we should not have involved his parents then what should we have done. He didn't have an answer.

I am also apprehensive about the therapist because he said it's important to try and make the marriage work for the kids and as long as we love each other it will work out. He is a religious person and I don't want a biased opinion when I feel like I'm being mistreated.

How can I articulate this to the therapist so we can make progress once we meet together the three of us? Should I find a new therapist?