u/Glittering-Long-8180

As the title says my boyfriend lied to his parents about me not showing up to brunch.

For background, today we were supposed to meet his family for an early Mother’s Day celebration at 11am at a place that’s 2 hours away from where we live. So we had to leave around 8:45am. Additional context his mom is also walking at a graduation today because she just earned her PHD. So we also will be attending that in the evening at 5pm.

I made the assumption that he set an alarm so we could wake up early enough to get ready (since it was something with his family). I guess I shouldn’t have assumed, because he assumed we would just wake up early enough on our own. Well shocker…we didn’t. So he woke up at like 8:20am and didn’t wake me. He instead just took a shower and got ready and then came in at 8:35 am and said that I didn’t need to come to brunch since there isn’t enough time for me to get ready (takes me slightly longer than him). I agreed since we would have to leave in 10 minutes. Also, I know my boyfriend hates being late. I offered to come late to the brunch and he said no because he was convinced it would only be an hour. I also offered to meet up with them after the brunch and he just said to come to the graduation at 5. I complied.

Fast forward to when he gets to the brunch he texts me “Also the cover story for this morning is you were working late the last couple nights at work.” This isn’t a huge lie or anything but it pissed me off. It made me mad because he kinda put the blame on me instead of taking responsibility himself. I also feel like it makes me look bad, like I’m bailing out on them. It sounds like a poor excuse as if I just didn’t want to come. Also, on top of that I offered to come late. He also didn’t mention that he was the one who told me not come.

Some additional context, my boyfriend also has a hard time being totally honest with his parents. From what I observed he never tells them if something went wrong ever. One time we were driving up late to his parents to stay the night before getting up early to ski. The night before we drove up was new years and I was extremely exhausted and hungover after staying up tell 4am. Right before we get to his parents we get sandwiches. They were big so we took them as leftovers. Well he got a French dip with ajuo and packed the paper bag with the sandwich and the ajuo. I wasn’t aware of the ajuo in the bag and the lid wasn’t properly sealed. So when we pulled up to this parents the bag was on the floor next to me just spilling loosely. I pulled up the bag without knowing and got liquid all over me and in my car. Given I was sleep deprived and hungover, I was noticeably irritated when we were greeted by his parents. Instead of telling them what happened and that we were out the night before till 4am, he just pretends like nothings wrong. Which is bizarre to me because I’m always honest with my parents and will tell them about if something just went wrong or if we were tired from the night before. I’ve just slowly noticed over time he shys away from saying anything negative to them. He did express to me that his family all kinda did their own thing growing up and didn’t eat dinners together at night. So there’s maybe a possibility of a less personal and surface level relationship.

So AIO? Should I take more responsibility for not setting an alarm myself? Was the lie okay to tell? Am I just not understanding his family dynamic? Let me know!

TLDR: Boyfriend told his family I had been working late the last couple of days so I couldn’t make it to brunch. Instead of being honest that he told me not to come since we overslept and that he thought I wouldn’t have enough time to get ready to be on time.