u/Glittering_Expert_35

I have wanted a divorce on and off throughout our marriage but I always seem to pull my shit together and suck it up. The hurts from my husband have been a lot over the years, but b/c he seems to somewhat keep trying I have stayed. He lost his job this last week and it’s a long story but essentially his fault (he was arguing/yelling at new management and I warned him he was going to get fired multiple times but he continued the behavior). We’re both upset b/c he’s the breadwinner I could never come even close to making what he makes. The job market in his industry is rough so this is a huge blow- possibly life altering. He’s been moody and acting sad all week to the point where each of my kids have asked what’s going on and my daughter got so scared she started crying tonight worried something is going on. I have been trying to handle him with kid gloves- bringing him lunch making sure kids are handled etc etc so he can rest, do what he needs re:job hunting etc. He’s been cold and distant sleeping on the couch. Zero affection or response to me trying to be sweet. Today I got the news that the adrenal tumor I have will need surgery and possibly other treatments( unsure til after more scans/blood work). I came home from the doctor and he asked a couple questions and that’s it. No hug. No words of encouragement or kindness. He went back to the couch tonight and when I asked are you sleeping here again he said “I guess” with his back facing me. Frankly I’m kind of fed up. I’m also under a ton of distress from this situation and all I’ve given all week is nothing but effort to help him feel better. I want to think he’s just suffering mentally from his first ever firing, but I don’t think it’s fair to act this way after a week when he did it to himself with zero regard for how I also am suffering. I’m exhausted by him and his lack of resilience. I’m tired of feeling like I have to lead and always be the positive one pushing saying things are going to be ok. Also he said he was tired and wants to sleep sooner so that’s why chose the couch, then sent me multiple reels on instagram showing he’s awake? Wtf. I got married to comfort each other during hardships not to feel utterly alone.

AITA? My husband has been talking for months about taking our teenager with him to Chicago to see a band with a mutual friend and his teen son. Our sons are friends but by no means close/ maybe see each other once a year. Initially I was all for it and excited for them to go, but both dads delayed pulling the trigger on the plan until this week. The show is now soon and flights with be close to 1000$ not including hotel and other costs for a two day get away. I am now so incredibly annoyed bc when I originally said yes and looked flights were like 200$ round trip. We are trying to be smarter with money this year plus have so many other expensive things planned for this summer that now I’m stressing on the cost of this. I feel like we’re always bleeding money bc of stuff like this and can’t meet other important financial goals. My son doesn’t even really listen to this band so it’s more for my husband. I think I’m also annoyed b/c my husband has traveled for bands every year more than I’ve ever traveled in my life. He’s never once planned or even suggested a trip for us as a couple or family/ it always falls on me- in that context it really bugs me how easily he puts effort into his music hobby and nothing else. So now I’m kind of pissed and feeling resentful of how pricey another band trip is going to be while I sit at home with my other kids yet again. Ultimately I know it’ll be good for my son and him to have that time but I’m selfishly pissed and want to say no this isn’t a good time now that they waited so late.

My SO works all the time 24/7. I mean truly any time he can get. He works for a start up and was promised a certain salary/bonus then they walked it back last minute and he decided to take the job any way. Ended up being way less than his last job that he had a great work life balance at. He now thinks AI is going to take his job someday so unless he’s working around the clock he won’t be useful and get laid off. From 8-11pm every night including weekends. I just feel utterly alone in my marriage and raising kids. He’s helpful where he can be. He’s a good man who tries. I am worried he’s going to work himself to death though. He never goes out with friends or even plays golf anymore. He thinks if he completes this certain project to save the company $$$$$$ he’ll get a huge raise and promotion and be more useful/safe from ai. They’ve already made it clear to him they’re not interested in what he’s making (programmer). We were supposed to start a company on the side instead so he could do the project but be building something for himself but he refuses as he continues working on this project for the company. I’m worried about his mental health since he refuses to consider this level of work is unhealthy. Is this just normal life for some people ? Am I way off? I mean just chilling and watching a show would be nice every once in a while. My philosophy is don’t kill yourself for a company that screws you over to begin with. I also understand the stress of AI. I just think we could survive in a shack and try to be happy.