u/Glittering_Peace0816

I (F30) have been married to my husband (M30) for a year now, together for 2.5yrs, kids later in the future,

I’m little to no contact with his only sibling (F22). She’s made indirect and direct remarks in the past and is very disrespectful and has an ugly demeanor.
As embarrassing as it is how much a 22yo has pained me as a 30yo, I can’t get bare minimum of respect. If she’s inviting somewhere or if she says hi to me, it’s only because her parents are asking her to, not because she wants to. Her intentions are very clear to make me feel bad so that’s when I stopped going over.

Anyways, she unexpectedly got pregnant with her 2 month old bf. She just had the baby this week and I learned the name of the baby. For the sake of privacy, I will use fake names.

Their grandpa’s name is Mark.
Mark had a son and named him Mark James.
Mark James had a son (my husband) and named him Mark James Junior.

Well the baby’s name is Emilio James.

We’re still out of ways of having kids but I’ve personally in my mind have thought about baby names. My husband’s first name is a very common name, but the second name is nice and would have liked to pass that down.
It almost feels like that opportunity was taken from my husband and I cause that name is my husband’s name.

At the end of the day idc what ppl name their kids, this instance just felt odd.

Hi guys,

More of a lurker but I do post to get advice how to manage being around my SIL (F22). But it feels like besides dealing with her I’m in a constant internal battle so I just really need honest advice on this very honest post 🙃

I (F30) married DH (M30) a year ago, have been together for 2.5yrs, and in August we are getting married in the church.

When we were initially dating, I never had an issue with her. I knew how she was because I’d be over quite often. She talks a lot of crap, thinks of herself as a mature adult but acts very childish and has an ugly demeanor. She would make very snarky, indirect and direct comments. There’s no accountability whatsoever. Shes the youngest of the two. Thank God my husband has a backbone and does not hold back telling anything to anybody, that not an issue here.

Now, I didn’t take anything personal with her during the dating stage, even MIL would tell me not to take things personal and that SIL used to be very loving and affectionate but that changed when she was hanging around a certain crowd with her now ex-boyfriend.
Nothing was taken personal until one day, she directly made a comment when we took their out of town cousin, SIL, AND her ex bf to dinner. My Bf (at the time) and I took care of the bill, in which he asked me on my opinion on tip amount. Before anyone comes at me, the bill totaled $100, he had put a $25 tip, so I suggested $20 considering the service we received for being the only table. SIL overheard and stated “oh you guys are cheap tippers huh”
I was so stunned, I didn’t say anything. I normally don’t, I keep quiet to be respectful but that night was the biggest pill I swallowed, my health has taken a toll tbh.

Since then other comments were made, hubby is fully aware and he made it known to his parents that SIL is the way she is because of them, that they let it get this far with the disrespect and lack of parenting. MIL/FIL apologize on her behalf but SIL never takes accountability. She’s honestly a bully!

Anyways, it’s gotten to the point that it feels she’s purposefully being hurtful. Again, don’t come at me with “you’re 30 she’s 22 what do you expect” bs, it’s just the lack of decency and respect.
This last time I saw her she totally ignored me, hubby blew up in her face because of that and because she was complaining about OUR choice of OUR wedding colors.
In January she disclosed to us that she unexpectedly got pregnant by her bf of 3 months. The parents were upset to say the least, but just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean it’s all okay now, she was the same person she was before. My MIL even told my DH (alone) that he needs to get off his high horse. What?? High horse?? Asking for respect puts us on a high horse?

Anyways, the internal battle I am facing is I am the type to wear my heart on my sleeve versus the person people are forcing me to be. I often let ppl walk over me but as I’ve healed childhood traumas, I am less likely to keep showing up for ppl. Once I start to feel uncomfortable (and usually am very receptive to ppl), it’s extremely hard for me to be personable with someone or pretend like everything is okay. People (SIL) make me want to be cold hearted and show I don’t care. It feels like I’m constantly thinking about this situation with my SIL, I get in a depressed like state where I lose appetite, get emotional, no interest, but no trouble sleeping.

She just had her baby today. I don’t wanna go meet the baby. I’ve eliminated my contact with her for a couple months now since she complained about our wedding. I’m trying to enjoy this experience best I can. I’m even considering giving my MIL her money back for paying my dress.

I don’t know anything anymore. I just hate the side she brings out in me and my husband. I know what matters most is hubby and I coming home together each other and being happy, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about DH’s feelings in all of this and thinking I’m not trying hard enough, but there’s only so much I can take.