This sucks the most massively in the history of things sucking massively.
Sorry for the terrible writing this is my first proper reddit post
Bear with me, this is a bit of a long one. I joined uni last year and knew i was cooked for this one girl from my own class. Idk what was going on at that time but i became heavily depressed ( ?probably unrelated ¿). Id spend every day after class just sitting in a garden of my uni, unable to make myself go home even though my home is my heaven.
Anyways fast forward a few weeks into uni, i start talking to this girl, invite her to play cards 2v2 with her roommate(F) and my friend(M). I used to spend hours texting her even though im terrible at it( i have severe adhd, i havent called my extended family in 4 years, 🙏🏻 dont judge me) point is, we became close fast, and it got to a point where i felt guilty about not telling her i was interested in being more then friends with her, so i talked a friend to pump me up and asked her out, she said YEAS. Mind you, this girl is the most beautiful nice and perfect woman iv ever seen, it goes without saying i was happy as all hell and yet more surprised. Fast forward, we went in a few dates, at first we Diddn hold hands but we progressed with each date to making out an stuf.
Then came the issue, summer vacation. I saw this girl every day till that point , i even went to uni on weekends just to see her but i told her before vacations started, im terrible at texting. ( it was different before because i was seeing her irl daily, i hope atleast one of you understands) she was joking with me about it and said i was going to drive her insane. As time passed, i told her, i cant call her anytime cuz i live with my very ‘no dating’ parents ‘(iykyk) so she said ok wel call at night, i was like sure thats totally fine.
But now reddit answer me this, What do you talk about when you are stuck in the middle of the desert in an undeveloped city where the only uniqueness in my days was the colour of my shirts.
I dont mean as in 0 contact, i just mean that her saying talking on call 2 hours a day was bare minimum, and thats seprate from tecting her here and there throughout the day.
Now i understand, people work differently , Sure. But for her, that was what love was, not all the time we spent together or the fun meaningful conversations we had, but instead us sitting there with awkward pauses every few minutes because the conversation which wouldnhave been short and sweat; and would have left me with butterflies in my stomach and feeling more close to her, was spread out to 2 hours, becoming more of a responsibility.
Point is , i wasn’t able ti keeo uo with all that, and she got more and more emotional day by day. I will definitely admit, its always been my issue, same as with my family;hell even my dad, i love them and care for all of them, but i couldn’t maintain consistent phone contact to save my life, and then it hapoend, i was losing her and i could feel it.
Can you imagine, someone you came to care for and love so deeply, gone because of something you cant control. I never changed. I wanted to be with her, nothing more. She was more than enough. I had no lust for her just this need to be close to her, see her smile and hear her laugh at my stupid jokes.
And now im in this void, trying and trying to see where i messed up, what i could fix what i could do and could have done then to maby have changed the outcome.
We broke up a month ago, and at first i felt relieved honestly, i diddnt realise just how much texting a solid 5 hours a day was wearing down on me. But now i dont feel good about how things went down. She was…. I really did love her. Even the rough patches and all. I just wish shed done the same. Or maby im just being defensive as she liked to say .
Any and all advice and opinions are welcome, i want to learn from my experience and yours aswell.
🦆