u/Gloomy-Tip7427

I’m a recovering workaholic.

This week grabe yung work stress ko. Coupled din by my hyperfixations outside work na nagcause na ilang hours lang ang tulog ko minsan. And when I mean hours, anything less than 6 hours talagang hirap na.

Today natulog lang ako the whole day. Wala akong ginawa. I woke up though ng mga 4 am - 11 am to do chores, watch a movie, and then kain. Pero buong afternoon tulog lang ako. Like deep sleep. Yung klaseng ang dreams ay super vivid. Lumilipad lipad na ako sa space, ganern.

Do you guys also sometimes feel guilty pag wala kayong ginawa sa day off nyo? Na para bang ang tamad tamad nyo? At di kayo productive?

Or ako lang may topak sa ulo? Hahaahha

So a few weeks ago, I (30F) posted here that I will see my LO (31F), someone I dated but didnt want to commit to, in an event the day after.

I wasn’t able to update but I’m ready to talk about it.

He was there and he had cut his hair shorter making him a whole lot hotter than I last saw him.

He is still very tall and towering and bulky. And I just feel the pain of not being chosen everytime I look at him.

Our common friend dragged me to his booth and made me say hi but it was awkward. And I found myself looking at him and then looking away. Sometimes our eyes would linger at each other, but how do I know that that’s what’s in his POV? To me it felt like yearning, to him, it might have just been, “why is she staring at me”?

I’m very aware that this is limerence. I’m very aware that this is hopeless. I knew I would break contact if I saw him. And I did. I did fucking break contact.

And while he replied politely at first, in the end, I was left on read.

Why does my brain still want him? Why can’t I let this idea of him go? I’ve been out on dates but I can’t feel anything for any other men. And sometimes I’d go extreme flirting just to feel something, but LO is still the one I want.

This mental illness is a curse. 😫

Anyone going to Bon Odori this weekend? If you’re up for that kuyog ta na!!

No pressure hangout, just wanna enjoy the festival.

There’s this guy who is the first person I’ve liked in a long time, but then it didn’t work out. He was emotionally unavailable and wasn’t ready to date.

And I broke contact with him because of my limerent tendencies.

But tomorrow, there’s this event and I know I’ll see him there. And our goodbyes were a bit dramatic over text.

And I just know it’s gonna jump start my limerence again. And it’s gonna erase the progress I’ve made over a month.

I don’t know what to do. I just feel like my heart’s gonna burst tomorrow.

I struggle with forming romantic relationships gyod. I don’t know how to flirt LOL, I’ve never been in a long term relationship. And sometimes I feel like I’m emotionally handicapped.

Like a few guys have liked me, even had boyfriends before, pero I could not feel anything for them. And then for those that I actually like, either they don’t like me or I feel like I become too much and push them away.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m meant to be alone. Like mygod trentahin naman ko uy and I still struggle. Don’t know if others feel the same way, but maybe you can relate. 😫