u/Gloomy-Trainer-3031

I just realized I ruined any chance with my ex in the dumbest way!

So I recently broke up with my ex because since the start of this year I have been in a deep depression and she didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who could barely get out of bed to piss.

To her credit she tried to get me to be more active and get better I was to deep in my feels.

Recently every time I have hung out with her I am a little more like myself and have some fun. Then I see her new friends… hwr new boyfriend… her new group of people… and I leave because I fall back into my feels. Then I do something to pull away even more like not accepting invites, ignoring friend requests, admiring to jealousy or something.

On paper is sounds like I’m playing a kind game, a give and take to mess with people.

In reality, when everyone leaves and it gets quiet, my brain just reminds me of all the reasons I won’t get her back and how me sticking around will cause more problems for her down the road.

So I pull back. Yesterday I left her discord server when I was helping in it just a few days before.

To sum it up, I am 32M and am feeling love, heart ack, and jealousy for the first time in my life because of my last partner.

I have an extensive dating history, I genuinely stopped counting how many dates and partners I’ve had when I was 25. I met my most recent girlfriend this time last year and we lasted about 10 months. And she broke up with me when I hit a depressive low that caused me to self isolate for two months.

We were polyamorous and I have been aromantic my whole life… Until her.

This was the first person I ever actually started planning a future with. Someone I wanted to grow old with an introduced to my family, even marry. And I hate the concept of marriage, but I would have done it just for her.

When we broke up was the first time I’d ever experienced real heartache over another person like that, and it felt even worse when I learned that she moved on in less than a week.

We are still on good terms so we do talk and hang out every once in a while but when I met her new boyfriend, all I wanted to do was leave the room. As an aromantic I normally get excited over learning that my past partners are in new relationships because I want them to be happy. But for this new guy, my patience with him was so thin that when he called me “ Pookie” as a joke. I had to leave before I bit his head off.

I love this woman so much that I experienced actual romantic love, heartache, and jealousy for the first time in 32 years of life.

So I just learned the idea that people pleasers naturally attract controlling people becuase they see someone they can easily get involved with and even take advantage of.

The idea has always made me mad because no one should do that to someone especially those with less boundaries. So I try to make it a point to be there for my people pleaser friends and make sure they arnt taken advantage.

Suddenly I realized how many people I know were and are people pleasers, how many relationships Iv been in with people pleasers. I do not like taking advantage of people and I even try to encourage other to reinforce theyre boundaries even with me, no exceptions. So if I’m not taking advantage of them, how do I keep finding and dating them.

That’s when I realized, controlling people arnt just drawn to people pleasers! People pleasers are drawn to controlling people!!! They see me as a target in the polar opposite way that a controller sees them as a target!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!???? MY HEAD IS SPINNING!!!!

Personally I can’t stop watching “I love with the villainess” but I’m also binging one piece right now.

I like the attitude, I like the back and forth, I like the attention seeking, I like it all.

Thank you 🙏

I love doing vtuber art but I’m having some art block, what should I draw?

I’m only going pencil sketches right now cuz I’m bored and at work.