u/Gold-Avocado-7654

Does anyone not celebrate their birthdays anymore because they hate being reminded of or are ashamed of how little they're loved?

It's hard because some of my only "friends" (or rather, acquaintances) at school wonder why I don't go out or celebrate anywhere, and I have to always make a pathetic excuse by telling them that I outgrew any form of birthday celebrations (which isn't the case at all) just so I don't sound pitiful. If you ask me why I can't invite them instead, it's because they genuinely don't give a fuck about me nor reciprocate my efforts in our friendship, but I kinda need to be around them because I don't want to look like a complete loner who has no one looking out for them.

No "friend" of mine, even those who consider me their close friend, has ever invited me to a party or birthday of theirs.

I also get jealous and depressed when I see people at school posting their birthday celebrations on socials and it makes me feel much worse, worthless, and lonesome.

Fyi, I haven't celebrated my birthday or thrown a party in 6 years. It's hard :(

I'm an older teenager and I've been struggled hell of a lot with my mental health and self-esteem to the point I want to unalive myself and I know for sure I do have BDD, anxiety, and signs of severe depression. As for my personality, I'm extremely empathetic to the point I internalize others emotions (I'm aware it's unhealthy and I'm actively trying to break the cycle).

At the same time, I'm someone who wants to be around people who genuinely care about me without me asking (which is no one). Considering this, in my opinion, I'm not sure whether going to therapy is the right calling for my healing.

You might ask why?

This may be a dumb and a stupid thought, but the idea of paying someone to care about me and talk me through my emotions sounds very disingenuous and I'm not sure if it would be helpful for me because of this underlying consideration. Perhaps I'm too self-aware, idk.

Any 16/17 year olds who wanna be friends?

I've been feeling really lonely lately and I'd like to be friends with someone who isn't dry and wants to have a genuine friendship :) (no weirdos or pedos please)

I'm 16F from the U.S.

I've been feeling really lonely lately and I'd like to be friends with someone who isn't dry and wants to have a meaningful relationship with each other--as friends :) (no nsfw or weirdos please)

I just want to know what it feels like to be loved the way I love and care for others. I would do anything to be able to experience it even for once.